Just yesterday I was having a conversation about how words matter.  Essentially the females in via my social networks said that:

actions speak louder than words”

I have written a little bit about using words to expressing ourselves about this time last year. And essentially most people disagreed with me.

One of you even quoted the bible to dispute my claim. Apparently ‘a man of understanding holds his tongue.’ Good thing I believe that the bible was written by men, the hypocrisy.

This week a friend of my noticed that I used the word ‘essentially’ to the exhaustion point. Wow, he was right but this is not the first time this happened. Every other month someone is complaining about a certain word that I am using for no apparent reason. My little brother said something to me once… only people with lack of vocabulary use the word ‘like’ for everything.

Like like … you know… those California blonds. It’s like duh I don’t have words in my head so I will put the word ‘like’ everywhere; except mine are usually words that with end with ‘ly.’

I always loved ‘apparently,’ that’s one word I can’t live without. Apparently, it fits everywhere like effectively.  As a designer, when I have to judge designs ‘That logo is effectively designed’ sounds so much more sophisticated than ‘l like that one.’

That is what clients say to me once I submit some options.

Someone somewhere said that good writing is dead, but good writing didn’t die with JD Salinger, its everywhere with the Facebook status and the Tweets.

I have a lot of temptations. Everyday, I am tempted not to get out of my bed; I want to sleep in. Maybe take a pill that will just knock me out and sleep all day, possibly another day.

There was a time in 2008 where I was so busy that I opted to schedule the sleeping in. Sunday morning was saved for TV, and an egg bacon and provolone cheese sandwich made by yours truly. I would finish my freshly brewed jug of coffee and lay down on the sofa, Hoping I would fall asleep, and most of the time I don’t; but it was my time; phone was off and no one is around.

Sunday mornings were my favorites, but not anymore. I have been getting tempted to do something crazy like go out of town on the weekends. Enticement like going out to party in another town or meet up with friends or meet up women who have managed to excite me for a little while before the flame runs out; overwhelm my life. Not that I am complaining, the temptations break the consistency and predictability of life.

They are an escape for the endless number of demands that life brings with it. Excitements’ aside sometimes I just want to turn off my phone and stare at the roof keeping my brain empty.  Someone once told me the demands of life are ‘mind over matter; if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.’

Those I know, and are friends with seem like they have their shit together. They have the consistencies of existence set on replay and have somehow occupied the rest of their free time with hobbies. Hobbies are I suppose outlets from consistencies, but the way I see it, a lot of people seem to use it as a replacements for serious problems in the real part of life.

The idea seems like I am not content with my career, but at least I have my weekend hobby;’ I will keep painting one canvas every weekend and hope my issues with my family will go away.

I was once reading a forum in which one of the members was asking how he wanted to get away with a small legal problem he had. A slew of people told him some options and one guy said, you can keep postponing the issues and most likely get away with out dealing with it. But it will always be in your mind. Just go take care of it and your mind will be free.

It was one of those big aha moments; some things will always stay in the back of your mind till you deal with it. I believed it and it’s not easy to go deal with your issues but after about 4 years after reading that, I think I have completely changed. Problems, I take care of it so I don’t always have to think about it.

I know a few people that just keep their whole life scheduled to do stuff;  Random things 5 weeks in advance, just so that they don’t feel lonely; or so that they don’t deal with the major issues in their life.

I am glad I have my hobbies which make me happier than a pig in shit. But a hobby is an extra curricula activity. You have to make some changes in your life, and not hide behind stuff, to do.

That just seems like you are postponing the inevitable.

All good things come to he who waits”

When ever my little brother sees or hears something about how someone does something really stupid and gets caught in the web, he always says ‘what an idiot!’

Who in their right mind would accept passively wait for something to happen and call it a virtue. Call it lack of patience or being short of faith in people; I know what my personality encompasses.

I have disappeared for a while. I have been distracted with nothing at all.

I have been having fun; this past year has been a good year for me. Things seem to have stabilized at least psychologically. Even though the uncontrolled and unfortunate events continue to happen on a weekly basis; I am just better at dealing with the little problems that continue to happen in my life.

I know I have been absent from bernos. This is the longest I have been away from bernos in almost 4 years. I did it intentionally; I wanted to test the impact of the bernos traffic to the articles; second I wanted to test the relationship of the blog to the bernos customers; third I was distracted by a woman; fourth I have been busy working.

My lack of patience protects me from situations I shouldn’t be in. This whole situation of how much shit to put up with before you say,

Na ah hell nah!”

Everyone should not have to wait ‘wasting time!’ Things don’t change over time; people don’t change unless they care enough to try. You have to be proactive in making a change in your life yourself.

Patience is not a virtue; it’s just a waste of time. Sure there are those instances when you wait and get a good surprise ending but they are rare, & sure it’s ok to be disappointment.

But the point is to limit the risk and increase the rewards. This applies to everything.

This is my end of year advice to all bernosians everywhere.

I will do yet another post regarding resolutions before the end of the year.

I started writing an article this morning about email etiquette; you see I have a few friends I email constantly. Then I realized that I have already scripted my feelings.

This one girl, who is a platonic friend and have been exchanging emails with me for about 4 years now, recently changed her style. Those long emails she used to send have been getting shorter and shorter by the week. By summer time, it got short that my emails to her were getting in her ‘no reply necessary’ folder.

Here is a rule of thumb for those of you that are no email savvy. If there is no CC, it’s a direct email and it needs a reply; if there is no need to reply to it by an answer, you need to send confirmation that you received and read the email.

A simple one to two words is fine. Ok, Got it, Thanks, Fine and Cool are perfect. If you are really swamped for time then skip the word and write the letter ‘K.’

That’s it! reply confirmation is always necessary!

She called; I was in a building where reception was terrible. I picked up, as she had tried to contact me in other means regarding the juicy happenings of the weekend.

I could barely hear her; I told her I would call her in 2 minutes from downstairs. Two minutes later, she is not picking up. I went down the elevator, searched for a private location with better reception, all in 2 minutes and called her.

Annoyed! I let it go, as she is my friend but she really need to get some training in consideration.

There are those people that pick up the phone all the time, I love those guys! But it should also be understood that every phone call is not suppose to be picked up. Hence, the thing called voice mail.

And give me time to check the voice mail, and if necessary I will return the phone call. My mom calls me and leaves a message, and calls again and again till I pick up. I always tell her that I was peeing; and she jokes with me, ‘that’s a long pee!’

I had a girl friend once, who was always annoyed that I didn’t pick up the phone, I was always surprised that she would complain the few times I didn’t pick up the phone, because she never picked up her phone calls from others in front off me.

I would ask her why she didn’t pick it up, and she would reply with ‘bakeh I will get to them another time.’ Eventually I found out that a lot of people get annoyed with her because she only gets to them at her convenience. The hypocrisy was that she expected different from those she wanted to her from regardless of their convenience.

I have a few people on my must talk list, they are on my favorites and even if I am running to a meeting, I pick it up and tell them that I would call them at a certain time. There was a time where I would end up talking on the phone for about 2 hours a day, replying to people that only call me when they need something.

Now I moved to an hour between 6 & 7 on weekdays, I use that time to reply to all those voice mails that I get daily; including those that need something from me.  Of course there are exceptions to the rule.

By far the most annoying thing is people that always have to check their phones at all times. Please keep that cell phone in the purse when you are at a dinner. If you want to text and talk on the phone while at dinner please do it at the next table.

Years ago a friend of mine tried to date an acquaintance. She was in a state of confusion and, as I suspect, was in love with someone else but decided to still give my friend a chance or possibly use him to get attention.

I don’t know the details, but I knew they spent a lot of time together. Months go by and they are not hanging out anymore.

The girl contacted me for something unrelated and as we were talking she told me that he doesn’t talk to her anymore. Of course I asked why, but she was unable to answer.

I don’t know; he is acting childish! I will just give him time.”

I suspected he tried and was tired and wanted to get her out of his system. Plus she seemed like the selfish type.

So they never ever talked to each other. The girl runs around in the same circle as he does, more so than I do with either of them. But they don’t talk; they just ignore each other even if they are at the same dinner party.

I just think that is juvenile. I think people should curse each other out and then say hello if they run into each other; especially in circumstances where the two know each other more than anybody else.

Tens of thousands of Chinese couples rushed to tie the knot across the nation Wednesday, or 09/09/09, hoping that the ‘triple 9 day’ will bring them good luck and eternal love.

Few years ago when I was in graduate school, the graduate student association held speed dating event twice a years.When the next speed dating event was announced, my friends and I talked about participating.

We thought it would be fun to go and meet new guys since we were all new in school/town. I wasn’t dating anybody at that time so why not give it a shot?I have never been to speed dating event. I wanted to go and see what’s like to meet a stranger and converse for 5 minute.

Would anyone be interested in me after 5 minutes of conversation? Those where the types of the questions that I wasn’t able to answer for myself. At the last minute, I chickened out and decided not to attend. I guess fear of rejection got the best out of me.

Two of my brave friends attended this speed dating event for graduate students, who do not have that much chance to meet people outside of school. After wards, I have heard everything about the speed dating and about all the cute guys that showed up. Some of them were easy to talk to and some of them asked strange questions. In 5 minute, it must be difficult to evaluate if you have any connection or chemistry. You have to work with your gut feeling here. Some guys/gals do no make good first impression.

After the results came, one of my friends had no match, and the other one had two guys interested in her. Fortunately, she was also interested in one of the guys that picked her. They set a date to go out to dinner and I remember helping her pick an outfit for her first date. Things were really going well between them and as long as I remember she was dating the same guy throughout grad school. I have graduated and didn’t keep in touch with my friend. We both moved to our separate ways.

Fast forward to 5 yrs later

After long day of work, I am sitting home watching TV and surfing Facebook online. I was reading status updates and checking out pictures here and there.I just like to turn off my brain and do something that doesn’t require much thinking. I saw pictures posted from the same girl that met her man at speed dating. It was wedding pictures. My friend and the guy tied the knot recently. I love Facebook updates.

You never know where you are going to find your love or your life long partner. Keep your eyes, your mind, and your heart open.

I have been reading bernos since the beginning, and while I love it, some of the content seems like it’s too much bellyaching about Ethiopian women and men. I have some advice for both sexes, or at the very least bellyaching of my own.

For the men; it seems to me many Ethiopians aren’t as confident and or as manly as other races. Manly men are confident men; women are attracted to men who project confidence.

Sadly, many men these days lack any confidence at all. Some walk around with their head down, wallowing in self pity. Others confuse manly confidence with cockiness. These men have confused confidence with being a douche bag.

Confidence is quiet; it’s unpretentious! When a man walks into a room who has acquired this confidence, people can feel it.

Take pride in your appearance, it doesn’t mean you have to be Ryan Seacrest or metro-sexual. Shave, shower and comb your hair everyday! Dress nicely, don’t wear old slacks or old jeans with an old button down that looks like your grandpa’s wardrobe.

Set goals and meet them, one goal at a time! Exercise, learn new skills, and Do something, anything! Remember your past successes, and don’t be borcham.

For the women; I feel Ethiopian women are being more and more Americanized. What happened to the nurturing Ethiopian woman in the traditional sense? Why are you so stuck up now?

What happened to the natural hair, now it is weaves, perms and extensions? Have you had sex with a woman with a weave?…there are rules involved, no pulling or touching, its seems unnatural.

Ethiopian women need to go back to your roots, act more sensibly, have natural hair and stop trying to be a gold digging American girl. Respect our strong Ethiopian men for who they are and not what they have.

The traditional “idea” as described in the dictionary is just ‘any conception existing in the mind as a result of mental understanding, awareness, or activity.’

So an idea is nothing but ‘a thought’ that comes to your head while you are peeing; & speaking it doesn’t necessarily make it a great one. Anyone can come up with an obvious and a not so obvious thought.

But does that make you a genius? No, you just observed with your common sense pee sized of a brain and then shouted it out loud.

Most people know that a simple idea if implemented know works. Most people know that if they work out they can loose those extra pounds, but executing the idea of working out for a prolonged period of time consistently is the hard part.

I for one think I am someone with common sense, and have a brain larger than the average Joe. Yet, people I know keep coming to me with ideas that are so simple and possibly effective as if I haven’t thought about it.

They think they are smarter, or think they are helpful. The reality is though their idea of doing something is so simple that they came up with it while they were sitting on the toilet. I also thought about it, months before in a similar toilet.

The fact remains that if you don’t the hard part of persistently pushing towards your objectives in life or project; your ideas mean nothing to anyone. An idea is only good as an implementation of it.

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a restaurant owner, who happens to be a friend. I had some thoughts which I contemplated would improve his business but I kept it to myself because the thoughts I had were too simple that the restaurateur probably knows and is possibly contemplating improving his business by it. Perhaps he even knows he could improve his business but doesn’t have the resources of time and or money to make the change at this time.

Thus I kept my opinion to myself. I think would better suit him if I could put some work behind the idea and bring it up to his attention by offering quick and cheap ways to apply the changes.

Otherwise, it’s just a suggestion that is most likely overwhelming for him to put into action.

I think we are all better served, if you kept your ideas to yourselves. Because everyone knows, that if they work out they will be in better shape; that if you improve your website your business will do better; and etc.

You are no genius with your obvious ideas. And don’t get mad because I brush off your obvious ideas because I don’t have the time or money to employ it.

I have perused the Bernos blog and enjoyed reading most thoughts on a variety of different topics.  As a single young woman, though, I of course have been drawn to the dating & relationships related pieces.

This led me to find Nolawi & Wondata’s pieces on the F-zone – essentially guys who are in like/lust/love with a woman who only wants to be friends.  Both submissions generated much discussion much of which puts the woman at fault for the scenario.

I agree there are certain things women sometimes do to exacerbate the situation.  The dating scene can be contentious and confusing at times, and as a woman you walk a delicate line between being ‘too nice’and leading someone on versus being direct which often times gets interpreted as being “a bitch.”

To the women out there I will say — if you know what you want or don’t want for everyone’s sake, please be honest and direct without insulting.

Be aware that no matter how ‘nice’ you are sometimes the guy is just going to take things the wrong way, and its just something he is going to have to work through.  In the end you are doing him a favor if you are honest from the moment you know how you truly feel.  No, my question is:

What is a woman to do when she has done all she can to let a guy know he will not pass out of the F-zone but he remains persistent?”

Two years ago I moved back to a city where I have many friends.  I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship 8 months prior and had not really dated since.  One particular friend, in an attempt to be helpful, introduced me to her cousin who had just moved to the same city.  He was new to the area and quickly became a regular among our group. 

In the beginning I wanted to be open to the idea of dating and thus made an effort to get to know him.  We never actually dated, but we hung out and occasionally talked on the phone.  He made it clear that he was interested but I quickly realized I was still not over the ex.

So, this guy got the in person “you are great but I am not ready for a relationship” talk.  We left the door open for a possibility of something in the future but the bottom line message was “don’t call me, I’ll call you” – He just entered the F-Zone.

Over the past two years I got over the ex, began dating again, and continued to stay friends with this guy but we never actually dated.  As I got to know him in this time, I realized that I was not interested in dating him…what so ever.  He is an entertaining friend but I am not physically or romantically attracted to him.  Not only that, we have some fundamental differences in views and would drive each other mad were we to date.

For most of the two years this did not matter, though, because we put the dating idea on the back burner.  Then about 6 months ago he asked if there was a chance for us.  We had another discussion and this time I laid it down.  You are a cool friend, I respect you as a person, but I need to be attracted both physically and emotionally to someone to date him and despite the time we have gotten to know one another these feelings have never developed towards you.

I hope you understand and I hope we can be friends but I understand if you need to pull away. His response?  I understand, but know how I feel and if you ever change your mind I am here and I will “always” be in love with you.

He then proceeds to stay in close contact – I should add one way contact (texts, voicemails, etc.) where he continues to profess his love.  He sometimes disappears for a week or more but resurfaces strong with the same messages.  I reiterate the message that I’m “just not that into” him but to no avail.  He even thanks me for my frankness but does not change his behavior.

What is a girl to do?

Img Source Anti-Flirt collection is a name of a clothing brand.
But in the 1920, there was a women organization called anti-flirt club that wanted to stop men whistling from their cars.

Women are complicated human beings and I have been getting conflicting signals. Thus I don’t know what is right or wrong?

I have heard female significant others both mine and of friends claim that it’s wrong for a man attached in a relationship to flirt with other women, regardless of the act leading to other acts.

I for one think of the deed to be legal by all measurable standards!

A friend once told me that she disapproves flirting because it can misinterpret her fiancée’s intent of actually not pursuing a relationship or a casual encounter with the person he is flirting with.

Expert flirtologists know that the act is not entertaining if it’s taken too seriously. From what I have seen a girl can grind with the guy till 2 a.m. never to see him or talk to him another day. It’s not necessarily a proposal for sex.

A girl who I been eying at a wedding came up behind pinched me somewhere and whispered “if I wasn’t married…” and left. At the time as a young boy I appreciated it and ‘made my night’ to flirt with a MILF.

Flirting is a fun act that is shouldn’t be off limits to those attached. I know married men & women who flirt openly as well as those that consider it a betrayal of sorts.

I think the best approach is to be honest that it exists and talk about it openly. The fact remains no man or woman can exist without at least looking at surrounding opposite sexes.

Tips for women…

Look approachable, relax your body language and give the man a hint that you are a fun person. You will get asked out more often if you are friendly and not “Kostara.”

Quick Eye contact and smile, is all a woman needs to do.

Tips for men…

Have no expectations;’ she is not your woman, at least not yet! I have seen give complete attention to one and later give the same attention to another minutes later. I find it a turnoff & somewhat slutty to see a woman flirt with 4 guys in the same hour but it happens, so lower your expectation. Girls like guys who are not possessive!

Limit your physical contact initially. Make your touch gradual! Look for reciprocal body language. I tend to whisper close to the ear, just a habit of a touchy feely person. And in some cases I seen woman back away; at this point I unconsciously back off to show my intention of not wanting to invade her personal space. She eventually would come closer & whisper right back in my ears.

photo nyc china town by nolawi

My uncle told me this from his own personal experience of an remarkable man. Just like the story of my professor’s father in law, I find it very interesting and keep retelling it over and over.

Last week, I was in Chicago for a week, I met lots of people who I have met before and some others for the first time ever. I look at their faces and realize I knew them somehow, in particular cases I remembered how I knew them but not their names. In certain instances, I would need a name before I realize who they actually were.

I was running down to the bernos booth while Dawit was looking for me. He was standing there waiting for me with a familiar face, and nothing more.

I spoke with this person casually for a few minutes before my memory was triggered. I felt bad about it and gave him a hug. I was supposed to know this person, because this person is special to bernos.

Eventually, we spoke more and caught up! This person probably has no idea that I didn’t remember him initially.

My uncle, who years ago worked in a very large corporation, told me that he was introduced to the CEO and they casually spoke about family and life. A year later that same CEO came in town and they bumped into each other and he called him by his name and asked him personal questions.

My uncle was shocked that this man who probably met dozens of new people daily would remember an encounter that happened a year earlier in such detail. He asked him how he is able to retain information in such a manner as to not offend many not so important people. The CEO gets interrupted and never responds to my uncle.

Another half a year goes by and my uncle is called by the executive assistant to a conference room all the senior VP’s and Chief’s were in a seminar of some sort.

My uncle walked in and sits in the back listening. The speaker of was an expert consultant that was there to give the honchos information on how to be better leaders in their senior roles that demand such high level of multi tasking and networking with thousands of employees and clients.

They were told to unwind at the end of the night, sit and think for two to five minutes at the end of each night going through the day, remembering each person they meet as well as vital information’s of the day.

I was so impressed that the CEO would remember to call my uncle to the seminar because he never actually answered the question when he initially asked; I started using the same technique.

I was always one of those people that remember things I promise to do, although I have twice in 2009 ignored people that wanted me to do them favors after I initially committing to certain projects.

My uncles account was again triggered my experience with a bernos fan, this last week. I really wondered how public officials do campaigning without offending important people who happened to be supporters and donors without offending them.

One of the most popular phrases,

If it works in Africa, it will work anywhere.

The statement I am quite familiar with was recently harked back by one of the most popular African bloggers is Hash aka Erik Hersman of White African who actually grew up in Kenya & Sudan.

I think this statement as well as Hash’s AfriGadjet showcases the African ingenuity & persistence.

I sometimes feel like I lack real African experiences but sometimes I am dubious about my uncertainty thankfully by my social interactions. I am not the worldliest persons but I at least appreciate the fact that I am connected to Africa everyday through the internet.

Of course my route here at bernos has been not only a creative outlet by a link to my Afrocentricity.

But reading blogger’s like Hash makes me really sad because I feel like as Africans we tend to refrain from sharing real world social experience. There is a huge gap in the amount of socially relevant literature, media outlets and even in the form of art.

At the end we African are to blame because most of us that are lucky enough to have an extra minute or two after the struggle for survival tend to worry about life from a limited perspective.

We educate ourselves in western values! And easily dismiss our own social culture, art, and talent. Thus artists, craftsmen, and authors are discouraged to continue to struggle to share their life through their art.

I envy those westerners that appreciate Africa and African culture and art more that real Africans, because their lives are the better for it.

Besides being a popular phrase; ‘state of mind’ is the perspective on which you look at situations. Yes my definition because I was not able to find my application of the phrase online being described.

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”

I love that phrase because perception is not reality; and reality is relative perception. Are you confused yet?

I have heard people say, ‘he/she hurt me;’ and the fact is he/she did. And that is reality! If someone feels hurt it’s a fact, regardless of the action that caused the hurt by general measurable standards was considered hurtful.

So being hurt is a ‘State of Mind.’

I find myself saying, I don’t care if it works out it works out and if doesn’t then so be it. Eventually I believe it, and then I live it and truly I didn’t care.

I just found out some news that could have been looked at as either a positive or a negative. I found myself looking at it negatively and being unhappy about it. But in reality since the news is a fact that I can’t change, I should have tried to look at it positively so that I could actually be nonchalant about it.

I struggle with this; being complacent is one of those things that come with consistency in our lives. Stability, resilience & security are some of the things we strive for as we get older.

In reality though in our lives —although stable with basic necessities — we are dealing with problems that come and go; losing a job, relationship problems, and health issues among the many unforeseen variables. The mundane and trivial trails that god — if you believe in that — or pure existence puts us through. The other most stable part of almost everyone’s lives are the people that somehow share your livelihood; friends, family, random relationships & significant others.

I have seen this from different angles. I have disregarded — aka taken for granted people who happen to be involved in my life because I was dealing with a major headache of some sort that instance, that week, or even that month.

I have seen others overlooking friends just because they are in a new romantic soiree. I have seen new significant others ruining friendships and relationships within the family.

I have lost friends that were an integral part of my life and I of theirs because we being incompatible due to married. They now have married friends; his wife prefers him not hanging out or even talking with someone that marks single on their tax forms.

Long ago a friend asked me to join him on a night out in town; I declined to join him. He was adamant on a legitimate excuse for my hesitation to join him and then asserted that if the shoes were the other way around it wouldn’t be the case.

Most people, I have noticed would generally give a white lie in this situation. I have to do some errands; I have a headache or something to that extent. I usually do not lie about such trivial things and I get in trouble for it.

The thing is; he who asked to join him had in the past ignored me for months when he was hot & heavy in love with a new girl. So I mentioned it, and he said yes, if he was to do it all over again he would – he exhaled. Meaning it should be that way, apparently friends should step aside when its not convenient for them.

I have seen this happened not just to me but in society in general. Not to say I have never been guilt, I have been — I have said that I just can’t make it tonight I have to go see about a girl. Gin its never been so bad that I would avoid my friends at all costs including phone calls just because I happen to be in love this month.

You see what people tend to forget is that friends & family are there forever through thick and thin. They don’t leave you because you are broke or you gained weight or lost your hair or you go to jail. Significant others are not replacements and should not be treated as such.

Don’t take me for granted, I never have!

We all have heard the stories… the ones that start by saying you know so and so killed his wife or so and so tried to kill her boyfriend and lately I have heard so and so killed his wife and then shot himself to death.

Now what I want to know is why do we as individuals go that far and not even consider seeking professional help? What is holding us back? Could it be we are scared of being labeled as “crazy” by our community for seeing a mental health professional?

I think we as a society could take some of the blame for being quick in labeling some individuals “crazy.” Do we ever think of the word “crazy” and how it affects an individual? I also think some of the myths we hear about counseling and psychiatrists actually plays a role in making our decision not to seek help.

I can tell you from my own circles of friends and random people I encounter on social events say to me “Therapy?  Please that stuff never works for Abesha people” or my favorite one is “Crazy people need therapy I’m not crazy” and another one that makes me smile is when I hear older people say to me, “Well that’s what buna is for… by the time you drink the third round you have solved your problems.”

Granted that might have worked for them but in this day and age something has got to give for our generation. I think we should all participate in creating awareness about this issue.

Someone who I had a business meeting with told me that I shouldn’t sell myself short. It made me think about my sales pitch.

Recently there was news of a guy who was selling a Ponzi scheme which final accounting claims are said to be somewhere over in the 60 billion dollars. Bernard Madoff basically stole people money through his asset management company. I have been obsessing about the details because I was so impressed that he was able to get away with it for such a long time.

The sales pitch was his results, I assume. The results early investors saw and the fact that he was not willing to accept new investors unless they begged him or something to that extent.

And I was thinking, am I selling myself short or am I just making a sell on the business arrangement by encouraging him that I lack certain things that are not important to business at hand?

Or am I actually encouraging the business arrangement towards a certain different direction intentionally for my own benefit?

I was thinking the latter, but confidence sells. Just tell them you are capable because your mind is capable.

A while ago I was having a conversation about how to have a good conversation. Ironic, I know!

I once had a conversation about the act of saying ‘No.’ The dude was reading a book titled ‘How to say no,’ or a reiteration of it. Apparently, the dude was tired of people making demands of his time.

Seinfeld Ologist would say some of our conversations are about nothing. A conversation about nothing is appealing as long as it’s not elevator talk.

How are you? Fine; how is work? It’s Ok; how was your weekend? good!”

It’s expected that everything is fine, and the person asking the question is not really asking a question rather enhancing the casual ‘hello!’ by elongating it to casual questions. This way he can act as if he is interested in how well you are coping with life.

I would never say that is a conversation, it becomes a conversation if you decide to follow the question about the weekend with details about your weekend.

Sometimes, I would test these casual passerbies with details like being overcharged by the mechanic for my annual tire rotation or being tagged by a traffic camera on my way to work.

See how interested they are? I often see a surprised — why is he telling me all this? — look!

A Good Conversation

While I was in the conversation about ‘good conversational skills,‘ the friend suggested anyone interested in a good conversation with someone specific would need the details of their interests.

I did a quick Googling while I was in the topic and it reiterated my initial thoughts about good conversation.

The consensus, listening is important! Then ask questions, and then ask clarifying questions and then listen.

For those of you that have met me, you know I ask questions — to the point where in our culture is considered rude.

This is not about being blunt, or rude. It’s just expressing how you feel!

Sometime you just have to say it. You did this to me and it makes me feel this way. So I said it, and he said no need to be rude, I am busy.

I know for a fact he is busy, and I know after telling him what I felt that he most likely didn’t forget intentionally.

I feel better, because if I didn’t say it I would remember it for the rest of the year or so. I just want to make the issue disappear from my head and not be angry about it.

Venting

I call it venting, and it lets steam out of your ears, nose and other body orifices. That in turn keeps you cool and going along.

The term ‘going postal’ is popular for a reason. According to wiki:

Its verb meaning to suddenly become extremely and uncontrollably angry…”

Once in a while you need to tell your boss or who ever fu*ed you that you feel betrayed even it does not change the outcome.

I make it a point to throw a semi tantrum when my friends are late beyond the point of no return.

Some people will never change and will continue to be inconsiderate, but at least I am expressing my concern so that I keep sane.

I am a calm person, and I would like to think that some really bad news is not going to rattle me too much. Sometime the news is anticipated and sometimes is unexpected.

When its unexpected, I get shocked but I am calm, I would wait for it to sink in. So it takes a while to for me to get really upset by it.

Ten hours later I would be like,

oh sh!t, I can’t believe this sh!t, SOL“

One of my not so good friend is seeing a therapist, although he can’t afford the 130$ an hour twice a month at this time; he has said that it has done his anxiety attacks so much good.

I deal by venting and talking to my friends and family. I tend to put to much pressure on myself, I generally think positively and hope for the best.

I have made some big mistakes in the past, things I regret and things I don’t regret. Right now though I am thinking life is just so much bigger than day to day issues that big enough to affect your lifestyle.

The Secret

I am not much of a self help type of guy. I think the art of power thinking is over rated. It does not change real-world outcomes.  You can’t think your way out of a bad car accident, but power thinking specialists claim that things happen because you think about it happening.

By the same token, positive thinking; glass half full optimism or half empty pessimism does in fact have affect your life either positively or negatively.

I am reading a book called the secret, via my mothers recommendation. And I have seen positive outcomes in thinking positively at least in others.

The recent bad news I received was unexpected and it might spiral to be a worse situation for me personally but I am thinking positively that maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

It’s OK, I will be OK!

Dawit is organizing a brochure of sorts. He calls it the “Bernos Look Book.”

I don’t know why but now, even models are calling their portfolio a ‘look book’ these days. Even Lily is calling her slideshow gallery a Look Book!

I am not a fashionista per say, I used to be. I like fashion though; I appreciate all forms of expression.

I am a scruffy looking guy that is casually dressed; in the summer its t-shirts of course; in the winter its regular pants or jeans with a sweater.  It doesn’t help with the ladies, I assume. Clean cut is in.

I rarely shave, my hair is long and my clothes are more cavalier than dressy. The older I get the more casual I have gotten. It helps I am usually sole creative guy at work in the middle of a lot of business people.

So for creative inspiration I look at “Look Book,” because I love looking. It’s a sort of Sartorialist with a social and random aspect to it.

As far as shoes are concerned, it’s important! Apparently it’s a major social statement for women as well. Both in a Carrie Bradshaw sense, and how it’s used as an indicator of his social status and sense of style a man.

Most people lack a sense of taste, I believe. If you don’t have good taste, no amount of money can fix your major fashion issues. Yes, you can shop at Armani Exchange all you want but … beqaaA!

Again I am not saying I am a fashionista! Yet I have worn some really nice shoes and some really expensive shoes.

I am now wearing nice shoes, but not really ‘a really nice shoes.’ I have now as in the past two years been wearing decent comfortable penny loafers almost everyday.

I wear the same one almost everyday for weeks and even months. I get one that goes with everything but is not perfect for everything thing.

I love how I don’t have to think about which shoes I am wearing today! Sometimes I get compliments. It gets really old, the colors fade, the shoes changes shapes molding my feet.

I get my shoes shined, if I get a chance, at the airport or at the mall. Sometime I have to drop it off at the shoe repair shop. My shoes, although nice have a the worked look- or yetashe

I get it back and I keep wearing it, till it dies. And then I bury it. Sometime I miss it.

Just because my shoes are almost always an old dark brown penny loafer, doesn’t mean I fit your profile of someone who lacks style. It’s just I value the labor of working my shoes in.

The number of ambiguous single words you made up; he excuses you came up with; the number of times you decide not to speak, all conspired so that you don’t have to express your self.

I recently had something scheduled in my calendar. One of those things the crew does together and as the organizer I canceled it. The crew got an email saying ‘it’s canceled.’

I got a reply, ‘why did you cancel the event?’

I could have said, I am busy, you didn’t confirm, I am really tired, we are too late in the planning, right now it’s just easier to cancel and reschedule; but I didn’t say that.

I said “BeQa’A”

Meaning, BeQa’A, for no reason; he replied, ‘ Ok.’

Usually I am not like this. I usually express the exact reason for my actions. And now that I think about it, it’s what I would want if I was in the other shoes.

This single word, the one who is so hip and so Arada is fine and dandy if it wasn’t so ambiguous.

Did I say BeQA, like enough! Or did I say it with an affirmation on the second ‘A.’ Like an offooy, but I couldn’t have said offoy, that could have meant, ‘I am tired of talking to you, you miserable man who doesn’t need an explanation.’

Be’QaA, you guys Offoooye.

I lied though, he actually replied by saying ‘AyeeeeE’ to my initial ‘BeQa’A.’

And what I think he meant was, ‘you are not going to give an explanation are you, you miserable man who is inconsiderate to his good friend.’

AyeeeE, how can you say that about me? Offoy BeQagn.

Meaning, I am tired, I don’t what to discuss this at the moment and/or permanently!

Now if we could just say that, there would be more understanding, now express yourself Aradoch!

Technology changes how society interacts, people who used to call each other in the evening and on weekends just 15 years ago, now can keep in contact from anywhere and anytime.

Emails help people from all over the world get to know each other and keep in touch.

Dating is changed; there are not two steps before getting the digits which leads to the phone call. It might be too soon to call, thus you email and then chat and then get the phone number. But don’t call! Text first!

You don’t have to hang out with his/or her friends to get to know them, you can just check out his Facebook photos to find out what they do when they are together.

With that there are lame things people do and I consider really Fara. Enclosed short list of things that really annoy me:

Group Posed Shots

Photos are meant to capture a moment in time, not create a fake moment. If you are out with friends, by all means take some photos but don’t make people stand up, move, scrunch together and force a smile. Just take photos as things are — not everyone is facing that way or is smiling. I would want to see how things were when everyone was not posing. Don’t ruin the moment for a godamn picture.

I noticed the prevalence of group posed photos in the Abesha more so than non-Abesha’s. Don’t get me wrong, posing for a photo is fine if you are documenting your presence in a landmark or showing your affection to a significant other by having a walker-paster to take a quick shot of youtooos.

Long Text Messages

Texting is so very cool, I have personally avoided it because I talk too much and I can’t seem to crunch what I have to say to 160 words or less. But I opted in when a girl I liked said she prefers text instead of emails. We texted!

Its good to make plans, give updates but you can’t have a full conversation; to do so is lame. If you need to talk call godamit! You are with a phone by the phone and apparently so is the other person.

If your reason for texting is to avoid calling then email, you can write long or short email and the other person can reply in their own time.

There is a phone, there is email, there is chat and there is a letter. Use appropriately, if you write a letter to say “just saying hello;” then that is a waste of a stamp and paper, you text for that.

Repeated Messages

Once in a while I get messages via email and then followed by a phone call. Or a phone call followed by a text messages. Or they would see me online on try to chat ask me if I have seen their email.

And the mother is guilty by this; she would call and call and call again till I picked up. Obviously I am not avoiding her that much I am just busy, in the shower or peeing or in a meeting.

Hey, one message is enough, I will return in time. Don’t email me and then call me to ask if I received your email… Of course I did, and I will return in time; right after I finish swallowing my food.

No Cash Ever

I go out to dinner or for drinks a lot, sometimes it in groups. The bill comes and no one has cash, they all take out a credit card to pay for their portion. You have to give the server five cards to charge, and that’s stupid! If you are going out to dinner with more than one other person stop by the ATM, cash is cool.

If you are in a bar, and you are only going to buy one drink for the night, it ain’t cool to hold up the line by paying with a card. I am sure the bartender doesn’t appreciate it either.

En anglais; not really stuck up, more like conceded with something stuck up the whole. I will let you professionals translate what exactly GuregNya is.

She told me that I moved ‘slow;’ I didn’t know what she was talking about at the time. I really couldn’t figure her out though. She is paranoid and really didn’t say much.

Whatever, I didn’t really care much, I didn’t do shit. She annoyed me because she was so private. Maybe that is why I didn’t know she was so GuregNya.

We kinda transitioned into friendship, now she starts talking and I can’t believe some of the things that are coming out of her mouth.

I thought I was a good judge of character.

Sigmund Freud much like Snoop knows something I had failed to realize. The environment makes the person, insecurities garnered during childhood are not going to go just because you grew boobs, or you stumbled upon a lottery or something.

You can take him out of the ghetto, but …

Those superficial things are not important to me anymore. Ya, I am not going to lie — I like things easy to look at but we all have to draw the line somewhere.

A really fak’n cool person is cool no matter how successful they are financially or how perfectly their ass is shaped.

Confidence is great but GuregN’net; down with it.

Is she ‘Marriage Material’?

An acquaintance of mine has been dating this woman for a while now and while he is very happy in his committed relationship, she has been hinting on the marriage issue in the past couple of months.

For whatever reason, he asked my opinion — I told him that I am no expert, hence my Love-Hate relationship with women.

I told him to ask three questions and if the answer is ‘yes,’ then he should marry her. If it’s a no then he shouldn’t.

1. Does she ever argue about money? I had heard once — I believe her on bernos that most marriages end for financial reasons. Financial compatibility!
2. Does she try to satisfy you in bed as much as you try to for her? Does she look at sex as a gift or does she look at it as an intimate experience she has with you? Sexual compatibility!
3. Do her emotions fluctuate? Does she get upset or pleased with small issues? Its draining to keep a woman happy if is volatile. Emotional compatibility!

And so, we will see what happens but I think if he has to ask an acquaintance even one as smart as me for confirmation on thoughts about marriage then it has to be scientific. As another person here on bernos once said:

A marriage for love is a luxury I can’t afford to wait for…”

Are you fucken kidding me? Marry someone you don’t really love for the sake of compatibility and consistency.