I recently went into Sachs Fifth Avenue after work because I needed these very specific shoes, and lo and behold, I found a pair  that was reasonably priced. In Sachs Fifth Ave, I generally expect everything to be $500+, and my pair was, after a ‘sale’, around $100. So I bought it.

Keza, tedesasetkuna … I went purse shopping. I saw this beautiful purse for $300,. At first I passed it because … seriously, I wasn’t about to spend that much on a purse. Keza I happened to pass by that area again and I thought, ‘What the hell! I work hard. I can afford it. Why not?’ So picked it up, walked over to the counter and surrendered my to-be purse and card.

As the woman was processing the payment I kept thinking to myself, ‘ok , min aynet qebeT honeshal. balegae lij. Spending 300 bucks  is ok, even for enjoyment, but 300 bucks for a purse? One that’ll be used 3 times a year? balegae, molqaqa, balegae, molqaqa …‘ iyalku irasen siqoTa, the lady leaned over the counter and whispered, ‘your card has been declined’.

I was looking at her like she’s crazy, because technically that was my debit card, which also has a credit line, and even the cash balance on it was many folds the price of that overpriced purse. I asked, if she was sure. She gently and quietly whispered back, ‘i tried it multiple times’. She looked so sympathetic and embarrassed for me.

Saqe meTa. I figured there must be a God, and he must be intervening. I grabbed my card back with a broad smile and bolted.

So then I called my bank to ask WTF. The customer rep said, ‘yeah, we put a hold on your card because we noticed a purchasing trend that was very different from your regular shopping habits’. LOL.

Apparently my shopping trend says shopping at Sachs Fifth Ave and/or $100 dress shoe is a lil’ too much for my qonTari style.

Temesgen, consumer-tendes-analizing-algorithm hoy. Temesgen!

Tens of thousands of Chinese couples rushed to tie the knot across the nation Wednesday, or 09/09/09, hoping that the ‘triple 9 day’ will bring them good luck and eternal love.

Few years ago when I was in graduate school, the graduate student association held speed dating event twice a years.When the next speed dating event was announced, my friends and I talked about participating.

We thought it would be fun to go and meet new guys since we were all new in school/town. I wasn’t dating anybody at that time so why not give it a shot?I have never been to speed dating event. I wanted to go and see what’s like to meet a stranger and converse for 5 minute.

Would anyone be interested in me after 5 minutes of conversation? Those where the types of the questions that I wasn’t able to answer for myself. At the last minute, I chickened out and decided not to attend. I guess fear of rejection got the best out of me.

Two of my brave friends attended this speed dating event for graduate students, who do not have that much chance to meet people outside of school. After wards, I have heard everything about the speed dating and about all the cute guys that showed up. Some of them were easy to talk to and some of them asked strange questions. In 5 minute, it must be difficult to evaluate if you have any connection or chemistry. You have to work with your gut feeling here. Some guys/gals do no make good first impression.

After the results came, one of my friends had no match, and the other one had two guys interested in her. Fortunately, she was also interested in one of the guys that picked her. They set a date to go out to dinner and I remember helping her pick an outfit for her first date. Things were really going well between them and as long as I remember she was dating the same guy throughout grad school. I have graduated and didn’t keep in touch with my friend. We both moved to our separate ways.

Fast forward to 5 yrs later

After long day of work, I am sitting home watching TV and surfing Facebook online. I was reading status updates and checking out pictures here and there.I just like to turn off my brain and do something that doesn’t require much thinking. I saw pictures posted from the same girl that met her man at speed dating. It was wedding pictures. My friend and the guy tied the knot recently. I love Facebook updates.

You never know where you are going to find your love or your life long partner. Keep your eyes, your mind, and your heart open.

We all have heard the stories… the ones that start by saying you know so and so killed his wife or so and so tried to kill her boyfriend and lately I have heard so and so killed his wife and then shot himself to death.

Now what I want to know is why do we as individuals go that far and not even consider seeking professional help? What is holding us back? Could it be we are scared of being labeled as “crazy” by our community for seeing a mental health professional?

I think we as a society could take some of the blame for being quick in labeling some individuals “crazy.” Do we ever think of the word “crazy” and how it affects an individual? I also think some of the myths we hear about counseling and psychiatrists actually plays a role in making our decision not to seek help.

I can tell you from my own circles of friends and random people I encounter on social events say to me “Therapy?  Please that stuff never works for Abesha people” or my favorite one is “Crazy people need therapy I’m not crazy” and another one that makes me smile is when I hear older people say to me, “Well that’s what buna is for… by the time you drink the third round you have solved your problems.”

Granted that might have worked for them but in this day and age something has got to give for our generation. I think we should all participate in creating awareness about this issue.

Happy endings included! I was out with the boys when it was mentioned that Abesha girls were offering sensual services for monetary compensation here in no other than Washington DC.

A massage parlor although technically and legally meaning ‘a place where a customer receives therapeutic massage;’ is in tradition and reality synonymous with a brothel or bordello.

You see a massage is a euphemism for sexual favor, the extent of which depending on the provider. In the US prostitution is strictly illegal although available in almost every city, as far as I know. There is the street walker, the escort or the call girl services as in Madam Heidi Fleiss ; Nevada ranches and last but not least and most importantly the massage parlor.

As in most males in the living in the US I have the experience of one form of prostitution or another. I once tagged along to an Asian operated massage parlor with the boys; once the shower and massage was finished, the lady asked if I wanted a happy ending for fifty dollars. Indeed it was although I didn’t like the feeling of paying for sex favors thus I declined.

I also have experience with call girls; although I was offered for the full enchilada I declined expressing my interest in just watching and other services.

Now that you know the background, I was very curious as the abesha services, seeing as though I have lived in the DC area or sometime, I wanted to know who, what and how these girls did their thing. Is it full force prostitution or just a tease? A hand job or no job or any other job?

The day

I had called the number a few times to make an appointing to no avail, seeing that there was many security features. They wanted me to call back in five minutes for a confirmation number and when I called back no one picked up.

I called back a week later and asked for a 6 o’clock appointment, the girl who didn’t sound abesha at all suggested that 6:30 pm would be better. I settled it after I made another phone call after five minutes to get my confirmation number.

So where do I go? Aren’t you going to give me an address? She declined but gave me the exit number from the highway after which I was supposed to call. I did and I was given more directional instructions. Make a right and then go 3 miles and then make a right and call us back.
This time the girl was Abesha, I could tell from her accent and I tried so hard not make it seem as though I was one of her own. I called back and I was told to park in the garage and wait.

About 5 minutes went by and I was given the condo number, and a nice condo it seemed. Obviously they do not have a license to practice, and I was more assured that this was not a legitimate business. Finally as I got out of the elevator an abesha girl in nice tight all Lenin clothing welcomed me and I went in. I could see a kitchen, but the living room was blocked off. It was dark and everything smelled of fancy candles and scents.

The girl who was abesha and older, around mid thirties was very attractive and in shape. Although I thought and I hoped she wasn’t the provider since I thought she reminded me off an aunt type.

She led me to the bedroom, candles and a bed with lots of sheets and pillows, just like a massage parlor, and signs, at least 3 of them white and laminated with black text.

All monetary transactions where donations for entertainment only; and that it was illegal for me to ask for sexual favors.

There was not the exact text but I knew not to say lets do it. Not that I was willing, my plan had been to leave after I saw who the girls were. and since the living room was blocked I could not see. I decided to go for it. She gave me an envelope and a pen, and asked that I insert the money and write “gift” on it. I was also told that they had a two girl special for only 160$; one abesha girl was embarrassing enough I decided, I inserted the money and waited till she came back. She took the envelope and asked that I get comfortable.

Take of my cloth, I kept my boxers on and waited laying on my stomach on the bed. She came back, so she was the provider as well. I could tell she suspected I was abesha so she asked where I was from; I said I am from Greece although my family are of Ethiopian decent. A blatant lie to make sure she thinks I was not in touch with the Ethiopian community.

I was hoping it was her that gave me whatever it was I was there for but since it was I acted very shy, she oiled me up and was on her way to take of my boxers when I said no. She asked if I was shy, and I said very. She kept massaging my whole body excluding parts I wasn’t comfortable with and it was finished. And I left.

I wished I had seen the other girls, or I that I had more nerve let her do what she does.

I am not writing this to suggest anything since I am sure any community will have some body in any business including the sex business. I am just sharing a story, anonymously ofcource.

A rebuttal from Ethio-Girl

Hello let me introduce myself. My name is CONFUSED. Yes, that is my name .I was not always called CONFUSED. In fact before I was Confused the Girl I was also the proud owner of 2 other more conventional names so you can see why I opted for a third, if you don’t see it join me in being confused but leave the name to me, however confused you might be I can outdo you and truly live to my name’s expectation which are many and varied.

People like to use variations of the meaning of my chosen name So I am called Perplexed or Bemused or Baffled or Bewildered and the worst is Lost which I am not , it exasperates me that I have to explain that no I did not choose to call myself any of those names even if they mean the same thing as my Confused….I chose Confused because it is clear enough what it means but for a tiny second when I introduce myself it sounds like Confucius which raises eyebrows the shape of a question then the eyebrows come back down replaced by a look of amusement and the questions start:….

“Did you just say your name is Confused?”
“Yeah, do you like it?”

“I am not sure, is that your real name?”
“It is now, it wasn’t always…”

“Does the name have something to do with you being urhm confused?” Confused (really confused now):”Well yes, why else would I call myself Confused if I wasn’t?…I would be calling myself Not Confused wouldn’t I?….”

“What are you confused about?”
“Pretty much most things”

“Like what?”
“Like I said most things, like for example love confuses me, hate confuse me also, when it is embodied sometimes in the same person it is so confusing it disorientates, then truth confuses me instead of setting me free and lies do too as does the environment and the number of things to recycle, I know it has to be done but it is still confusing because as paper is recycled trees are cut what is that if not confusing? where society wants me keeps changing too so that confuse me lots of other things confuse me too ranging from the death penalty and its objectives to what men really want from women and Venus and Mars do you want me to go on?… ”

“Ehm no, I see what you mean”….

Let’s face the reality; there is a huge divide between African Americans and Ethiopians especially when it comes to dating and social relations. Unfortunately in the society that we live in, African Americans get the short end of the stick – they are portrayed in a negative light by people and the media. I’ve heard the myths before…if you marry an African American it will not work, he will leave you; African American men are not family oriented, they will have a child with you but will not marry you, etc…

The older generation is especially fearful. Case in point, a friend of mine has been dating a black American guy for two years. Her mother is relatively accepting of it, her father has chosen not to accept any man except for an Ethiopian. There is a huge cultural barrier that exists; the older generation especially has this “fear of the unknown.” If someone doesn’t speak our language, have the same culture and traditions – they automatically build a wall the size of the one in China, they just don’t want to hear it!

The Fetish

To play it fair we could say that African Americans probably have their judgments of us; I just don’t know all that is privately said and thought amongst their community. But one thing I do know is that I am tired of always being approached by African American men and first being asked “are you Ethiopian?” When I answer “yes“, they look like at me as if they won the lottery that day.

Why is it important to them whether I am Ethiopian or not? I suppose I should ask them the next time this happens. Truly though as a female, I feel objectified when this happens – does he just want me just for the sake of my culture or for the truths and myths about Ethiopian women?

Although the neutrality of the term ‘Asian Fetish’ is disputed, it’s widely used among East Asian woman. The term which means to have a sexual preference to those with noted physical traits is also commonly called Yellow Fever, I think a disambiguation of Jungle Fever.

I am sure we are all familiar with Jungle Fever/Miscegenation, the social phenomenon and more importantly the Spike Lee Joint, which shed our eyes to the conundrum. The main character in the film had been married to a light skinned Black African American woman long before he decided to pursue a relationship with a white woman, which ironically ended up not working out because he was in love or thought so to what she is as opposed to whom.

This brings me to yet another typify, of which has actually been discussed here on bernos in the past; it’s the preference for a lighter skin. Regardless of how it started, all Africans including Africans Americans and Ethiopians have shown to like lighter skinned people.

Again another disputed implication and I do not want to generalize all brown skinned people as having a slave, house negro, colonization & etc mentality but the fact remains that we have in a general sense shown that preference.

How much of the African American preference to Ethiopian woman is a fetish? Well, I will let you answer it, but no one can deny its existence.