Let’s face the reality; there is a huge divide between African Americans and Ethiopians especially when it comes to dating and social relations. Unfortunately in the society that we live in, African Americans get the short end of the stick - they are portrayed in a negative light by people and the media. I’ve heard the myths before…if you marry an African American it will not work, he will leave you; African American men are not family oriented, they will have a child with you but will not marry you, etc…
The older generation is especially fearful. Case in point, a friend of mine has been dating a black American guy for two years. Her mother is relatively accepting of it, her father has chosen not to accept any man except for an Ethiopian. There is a huge cultural barrier that exists; the older generation especially has this “fear of the unknown.” If someone doesn’t speak our language, have the same culture and traditions – they automatically build a wall the size of the one in China, they just don’t want to hear it!
The Fetish
To play it fair we could say that African Americans probably have their judgments of us; I just don’t know all that is privately said and thought amongst their community. But one thing I do know is that I am tired of always being approached by African American men and first being asked “are you Ethiopian?” When I answer “yes“, they look like at me as if they won the lottery that day.
Why is it important to them whether I am Ethiopian or not? I suppose I should ask them the next time this happens. Truly though as a female, I feel objectified when this happens – does he just want me just for the sake of my culture or for the truths and myths about Ethiopian women?
Although the neutrality of the term ‘Asian Fetish’ is disputed, it’s widely used among East Asian woman. The term which means to have a sexual preference to those with noted physical traits is also commonly called Yellow Fever, I think a disambiguation of Jungle Fever.
I am sure we are all familiar with Jungle Fever/Miscegenation, the social phenomenon and more importantly the Spike Lee Joint, which shed our eyes to the conundrum. The main character in the film had been married to a light skinned Black African American woman long before he decided to pursue a relationship with a white woman, which ironically ended up not working out because he was in love or thought so to what she is as opposed to whom.
This brings me to yet another typify, of which has actually been discussed here on bernos in the past; it’s the preference for a lighter skin. Regardless of how it started, all Africans including Africans Americans and Ethiopians have shown to like lighter skinned people.
Again another disputed implication and I do not want to generalize all brown skinned people as having a slave, house negro, colonization & etc mentality but the fact remains that we have in a general sense shown that preference.
How much of the African American preference to Ethiopian woman is a fetish? Well, I will let you answer it, but no one can deny its existence.
Published by August 26th, 2007 in Current Issues and Dating.Send this post to a friend
I know people are going to accuse me of writing this eventhough i didn’t, i edited and i agree with what is said… but i didn’t write it… but i am glad somebody put it eloquently!
Please get over yourself please do Ms Anonymous and Nolawi stop promoting hate towards African American’s. I am sick and tired of Ethiopian women thinking they are god’s gift to African American’s. Well wake up and smell your buna because we are not.
I am an Ethiopian woman who has dated African American men and they are wonderful, confident, intelligent and god knows most are fine. So the next time one of them approaches you with the “are you Ethiopian” take it in stride and move the hell on.
If you think they see you as a piece of meat then that’s because it’s the way you present yourself or the way you carry yourself. So no they don’t see us as a fetish any more than Ethiopian men do. If you don’t want them then don’t talk to them. Don’t stop to answer their questions and once in for all LEAVE THEM THE HELL ALONE!
I love African Americans as much as Ethiopians so let’s let each other be and stop complaining. After all we Ethiopian women are not all that. There are some Ethiopian women who have chosen to milk their beauty for all its worth so the next time you may think someone is disrespecting you then think of why and try to make them understand why you feel uncomfortable with their comment and behavior instead of judging them. Who are you anyway and how much dating experience do you have to make such statements? This is very sad to read. Very sad.
How much of what you wrote labels yourself as a fetish should be the question.
Please tell us you wrote this comment in your sleep or after a long night out.
I like you Nolawi but sometimes you shock me with your comments.
Hi Anon….
Interesting article.Wouldnt a better term be “preference” than fetish.
Fetish is defined as such…..
I agree with some of your point, but I am not sure that it is about fetishes. I rather think, lots of it has got to do with race.
There is negative racism and streotypes then there is the racism which seems to favour you, maybe in looks preference or other things but equally trivialise you,who you are and your history and goes by and relies on sterotypes of who they think you are.
It might even call you “exotic” and it is worse when it comes from people the same race as you….
i guess i must be in a minority?
although i’ve made a conscious choice to date within my community(ethiopian). Those who turn my head tend to be te’Yim or teKore yalu konJos
hey feleqleq,u seems like u took the artical personal. u don’t have to be defenesive. she just expresing her opinion. u might have a different view but that doesn’t mean u are right. u need to be open minded and listen what other ppl has to say.
thank you bela, i like to have an opinion and not be persecuted for it.
secondly feleqleq, why can’t you answer the question, and why do you take it so personally. is it maybe because you feel their might be truth to your boy friend fetish.
ps don’t take my comment too personally! take it with stride homegirl!
After reading this short article and the responses I do see where both sides are coming and can respect the opinions of everyone above. I guess that is the key, respecting the opinions of others.
Nolawi does have his views and opinions and he is entitled to express them in a constructive manner and for that he should not have his head chopped off… regardless of the subject matter at hand.
At the same time Feleqleq is entitled to express her views however I think she crossed the line when she accused Nolawi of promoting hate towards African Americans… I guess I must be blind because I did not see anywhere in Nolawi’s post a call for hatred towards African Americans or anyone else…. Feleqleq I do respect that you hold different views and opinions however are you not able to express them without such sarcasim and fighting words? I dunno it seems like you took Nolawi’s (or whoevers article) as a personal insult which I do not see it as such…
I guess the key here is practicing tolerance, acceptance and respect towards the views and opionions of others and not being so quick to pass judgement…
Anyways there’s my little two cents…
[quote comment="71459"]hey feleqleq,u seems like u took the artical personal. u don’t have to be defenesive. she just expresing her opinion. u might have a different view but that doesn’t mean u are right. u need to be open minded and listen what other ppl has to say.[/quote]
Then practice what you preach and accept my comment as an opinion
If I sound defensive it’s because I want to make sure the good African American brothers are represented and have a voice as well. We are quick to judge because we come across a few that are out of line.
[quote comment="71469"]secondly feleqleq, why can’t you answer the question, and why do you take it so personally. is it maybe because you feel their might be truth to your boy friend fetish.
ps don’t take my comment too personally! take it with stride homegirl![/quote]
You want a percentage then I would say 10% only because there are the few that ruin it for the rest and this doesn’t mean it’s a fetish either. I don’t take your opinion personal and I’m not making you out to be negative it’s just that you were in total support and have always been in total support of downing African American’s dating Ethiopian women and that I think is wrong. I think I have the right to say it’s wrong without being shot down for my opinion. Ok maybe I phrased it incorrectly but the point was made. Yes I have a boy friend fetish of black men whether they are Ethiopian, African American, Islander….as long as they are black, confident, and intelligent then I am guilty as charged.
Why focus on the African American’s why not the whites, the Asians, the Europeans and oh my god let us not forget the Nigerian’s who are obsessed with Ethiopian women. Actually obsession is an understatement.
So make it a general accusation of this so called “fetish”. In addition, why are we so quick to think Ethiopian women are “fetish” worthy. Oh please people let out your parachutes and stop floating on whatever cloud number you are on. Anyway it is my opinion some Ethiopian women are making up this so called “Ethiopian fetish” all in the name of attention.
Why always bash on the African American men? Why? Can you answer that part why?
Tsega, thank you for your opinion but is your two cents in US or as in santeem because there is a difference when we exchange the currency. Now that’s sarcasm.
I have a lot of respect for Nolawi and I am not insulting him in any way, shape or form. If you feel that I am Nolawi then please accept my apology xoxo
As long as you guys attack African American men then I will be right by your side defending them since they are not here to defend themselves. So we will live happily ever after
I love Bernos I really do!
fetish is a little extreme, no? anyway, to answer the question, in my opinion, the answer would be none. if there were a fetish for ethiopian women, does it also include the homely looking ones? does it pertain to every ethiopian woman regardless of her features? i know this sounds really mean, but let’s keep it real. if there is a gorgeous girl walking down the street, she is going to get looked at and probably hit on ethiopian or not. not so gorgeous, well…..
of coarse i think ethiopians are beautiful people, and of coarse i would, i am one. but a fetish, i don’t know.
bravo Feleqleq
Anonymous -thank you for taking the time to post this article…I acknowledge you feel strongly about your views and you have the right to have them, but I disagree with your points and Nolawi’s.
Saying that dating within ones culture are the best way forward is as negative as saying one should only marry outside his culture. It’s for us to respect that people make different choices and to value their choices, and we as friends, family, and community to support the relationship during good and bad times…no matter how dissimilar or the same our choices are.
Dating is about commitment, sharing love, goals, and values. We can all listen to family and friends…but in the end it’s down to you and what you want. It’s your life and you have to live it, I don’t believe it does anyone any good if you sacrifice your contentment for others such for the sake of family and culture.
So shouldn’t people be looking for someone that is a compatible companion, regardless of their skin color/nationality? Seriously, finding a female that is well in tune with me can be a big enough challenge in itself.
I don’t believe in dictating whom to fall in love with nor end up marrying. If we do dictate then we could very well end unhappy in life…dating someone because it was essential to everyone else but ourselves. There are no simple path to commitment, relationships, and marriage.
At the end of the day there can be problems and disagreement no matter who you end up with!
Just my two cent.
Oh sharrup dawit i think she is saying that intercultural dating is fine, but the problem lies in the fetish.
so answer the Q, is there a fetish for Ethiopian girls?
this is so not true for Ethiopians
WTF….to answer the question no on fetish, i don’t think so…..i second coment #9……..can we say fetish about brazillian women cuz cuz ppl that i know are into that?-i still say no because i don’t know enough people to represent the whole population of any group. The point is, the whole dating thing about AA/ET thing is overrated…we live in a country where everyone is thriving to get along, to make sure that everyone is afforded equality, and when opinions like this are written to represent a group, we take steps back……and then we wonder why there’s hostility between similar groups.
DawitK….well stated….Nolawi this is just so I come to the blog right…… the timing of this article is funny to me.
Feleqleq,
Why are you crying out so loud? Have you read the whole article, like this sentence? “How much of the African American preference to Ethiopian woman is a fetish? Well, I will let you answer it, but no one can deny its existence”
Are you denying the existance? If there is at least one…then it exists. What if you do this for me…talk to your own friend, he will tell you, for sure, something that can support this.
I couldn’t agree anymore with DawitK. As I always think, true love is blind. Sometimes you don’t have control of the “packaging”. Come tomorrow you could fall head over heels over a Chinese guy/girl without any of your control! Believe me I would like to end up with an Ethiopian guy with ALL of my heart, but at the same time I think love is limitless. And as hard as it is, you have to live for yourself…not necessarily to fulfill your family’s expectations. Which is admirable though. As someone once told me, marriage (or even dating) is a selfish decision. Maybe you’ll be wrong in who you choose as your life partner, but that is something you have to decide on by yourself and for yourself.
Hewe - I kinda agree with u, this whole inter-cultural dating stuff gets overrated sometimes.
And fetish? I wouldn’t describe this issue as a fetish, more of a preference.
I second Dawit K. too. People don’t just have similar interests and ideas just because they came from the same place. For example,
This Mursi woman:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Mursi_woman.jpg
is not probably impressed by the bull jumping Hammer guy
http://www.wondutoursethiopia.com/Cultural/pages/Hammer%20Bull%20Jumping.htm
and I am sure he doesn’t think her lip ring is hot just because they are both from Ethiopia.
Thehabesh,
Because the African American’s are not here to cry for themselves.
Ayeeee no I just read the title and replied mts.
Maybe you should read my entire comment and find the answer to your question. How’s that?
Instead of denying it I am saying let us not exaggerate. There are the very few who admire us but let them not represent the entire African American community.
I’ve talked to him about this as some people have accused him of such behavior so now I’ve taught him how to say “Mts”.
He didn’t even know I was an Ethiopian until I told him. Is there anything else you want me to ask him on your behalf? 
Please list your questions, he’ll be happy to answer it. 
Feleqleq: BTW…I think we, Ethiopian women, are all of that and more! I say this with pride and confidence, NOT with arrogance. Sorry you have such a lower opinion of yourself and us. We are strong, beautiful, kind-heart, intelligent, multi-talented and so much more. Please do not put us down by any means. And I don’t think anybody is promoting hate towards any group of people. At least not me…
I personally think this as preference.
Yes, I do think fetish exists. But it’s difficult to distinguish the difference between those who seek a certain type of woman as a fetish from the ones who have a true preference for dating a particular type in this case, an Ethiopian woman.
Unfortunately, there is no code of ethics when it comes to meeting people or dating. In general, a man’s first response is to go for what is pleasing to the eye and stimulating to his you know what because men get physical symptoms of attraction, while most women will spend a little more time investigating what a man’s personality is like before thinking of him as a partner - cause we women prefer some sort of emotional bond.
With this being said, we’re all guilty of occasionally thinking of meeting a particular type of person, Yebret Mezgia Yemihon, or Mona Lisa Yemetemesil, etc.
I personally prefer to date only an Ethio-man. I don’t think his skin color matters so long as we have some things in common. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating an African American or anyone outside the race.
I second DawitK…this is a personal choice.
Well, I think it’s just what one likes, dark, white, chinese etc. I prefer an abesha man for the simple reason that we have the same language, culture etc eventhoug i have so many good reasons not to like them. I will never generalize but hope for a good one some day. It’s not a fetish.
Can someone tell me if their is any “fetishkinda thing” towards Ethiopia men?
what do others think of them.
It seems to me other guys from Africa or America
don’t seem to want to get to know someone from EThiopia. They automatically start talking how much they want to be with Ethio. But why? YEs I am Ethio but
I don’t want someone who want me just coz I am EThio.
The other thing is most of this guys are not that nice
and romantic to their own women. Especially guys from Africa so when they are extra sweet to us it is red flag.
Fake things will end when the pretender stops pretending.
The only problem I got is them wanting me for only being Ethio. About our culutre it is a hot mess. Older generations will not even accept us dating a guy from Ethiopia with unkown background. Would family and friends accept a guy from a village ( Balager) or even I guy with a troubled past, or a guy who they cannot investigate. A guy I loved deeply is no longer with me even though i still love him. He was Ethiopian but with all the negative qualities i just mentioned. When I told them they turned into monsters. Long story short they
worked tirelessly in destroying our relationship. But they will not change my mind. If we don’t even accept those from our nation, how in the world do we accept other culture?
lol check this out…urban dictionary got some weird stuff goin on…
tho the more popular definition:
[quote comment="71728"]Feleqleq: BTW…I think we, Ethiopian women, are all of that and more! I say this with pride and confidence, NOT with arrogance. Sorry you have such a lower opinion of yourself and us. We are strong, beautiful, kind-heart, intelligent, multi-talented and so much more. Please do not put us down by any means. And I don’t think anybody is promoting hate towards any group of people. At least not me…[/quote]
Mts, Ayeeee I hope you didn’t waste more than 30 seconds typing this comment? Please do me a favor and tell me this was a self motivation speech you use, daily, to justify the “fetish” attitude. Mts (this one is for my African American friend)
Feleleq - sorry dear it took me 15 seconds. No, I do not have a fetish problem, and no this is not motivational BS.
I don’t understand your lack of confidence in yourself or people. It looks like I hit a nerve with you.
Best wishes to u!
This topic is self glorifying nonsense. If the author is so proud and sure of her assertion why the anonymous nick?
I don’t think this is about race! It’s about preference, a strong one, whatever the reason a fetish.
And it exists !! If they don’t guess it first…the moment you say ‘I’m Ethiopian’ there is ALWAYS that thing that happens, whether its ‘I knew it’, a twinkle in the eyes……whatever! I am sure you women know what am talking about.
It’s not limited to AA ( I don’t live near them so I have not encountered any) but it’s the same with Italians, oh boy west africans…. (saying you have an Ethiopian girlfriend is a big deal, liju yiworaletal…) definitly fetish there grew up with many, and europeans… Bicha those who were remotly or closely exposed to Ethiopia or Ethiopians have that. It doesn’t mean there is smtg special about it, wheter it’s right or wrong……it’s just there. There are some men who have a fetishist attraction to ethiopian women.
[quote comment="72026"]This topic is self glorifying nonsense. If the author is so proud and sure of her assertion why the anonymous nick?[/quote]
lol nice point btw….i especially like the part on ’self glorification’….i wish it was based on something deeper and more real. Oh well opinion as the article
Do I have fetish for white guys?
I have a strong attraction to white guys and I exclusively date white men. It has nothing to do with sex. It is about how I am treated and how sensitive they are to my need. I am not attracted AT ALL to Ethiopian or African American male. Do you consider this a fetish?
this is for Whitewash
white fetish ha? mmm identity crisis maybe?
I do not have identity crisis. How could I? I am 100% proud “ethio lig”. I am just attracted to white men. I am more Ethiopian then you think. It is just a preference. I like the culture more than anything, I believe. I like how they treat me. ( better than any other culture or race?). They make me feel so special and they are very much interested in me. (More than average Ethiopian or black american) I am exotic in their eyes and they are in mine. I fall easily for blond hair blue eyes more than the Mediterranean looking. Based on what everyone saying above, I have a fetish.
I hate to generalize and criticize my own habesha ppl, but most in our community seem to exhibit some kind of superiority complex issue over AA’s. I hear time and time again from our ppl, how much better looking we are than the AA’s, how well behaved we are blah blah blah… Let us be honest, how many times have we said or heard someone say “she/he looks like Ethiopian” whenever we see a good looking AA person. Our Ethiopian features are not even our doing or accomplishment, but we are overly proud about it. Some even seem to forget we have gained all the rights and privileges as a person of color in this county because of the sacrifice our AA brothers and sisters made.
Yes, some AA guys may prefer our habesha features, and even give us a little extra attention, but I think most AA guys are in general friendlily and flirtatious by nature. Let us respect our AA brothers and sisters and in return respect ourselves.
[quote comment="71649"]Saying that dating within ones culture are the best way forward is as negative as saying one should only marry outside his culture. [/quote]
Living in a heterogeneous community and have lots of friends from different ethnic backgrounds, i do accept that we all can intermingle and having a good time..i would say “dating within ones culture are the best way forward ”
Grown up on the hoods of Addis where we used to have “ikaika mist” ( at the age of Six:)) till my recent ex , there is something so exceptional about ethiopian girls - so “atifredubachew!!”… Don’t ask me what it is , i m still reasearching:). bottom line Engrossment with ethiopian lady is totaly understood -
“Itete timut kemire new!” so please take it with stride.. and for my male audience , this is what i could say: “pie in the sky” .. Hod siayk doro mata…
ya whitewash, for sure you have an Identity crisis, fetish or let’s just call it white worship.
Urban dictionary defines white person fetish as…
Sorry WF!
lol lol lol, that is bs. damn that is so retarded! urban dictionary is sometimes so whacked up.leave the ‘whitefetish’ girl alone … let her be what she wants to be ok.
Abyssinia that is a bit harsh, Admit ladies African Americans have fetish for abesha girls, they may fall for you later on, but the first attraction is fetish…
yknow tho ppl with asian fetish/white fetish or whatever have an obsession with the whole culture/race…they’re crazy about anime, japanese or chinese, movies from there, video games, technology blah blah…
AA’s with ethiopian fetish are obsessed with our cultures….inde?
Read this article similar issue from AA point of view. Source Tadias.com
http://www.tadias.com/?p=521
“How much of the African American preference to Ethiopian woman is a fetish? Well, I will let you answer it, but no one can deny its existence.”
I kind of love these discussions, even though I pretty much say the same thing every time.
Perhaps what the author perceives as “fetish” is mereley a brother’s lame attempt at showing you that he noticed that you look different than the other ladies. I mean, relatively speaking - if I were a dude hitting on an Ethiopian woman, that might be my intro.
I have a hard time understanding why it’s wrong to be attracted to a look. We all have types. Sure, we may date outside of our types, but we certainly have a preference. Is it “fetish” if you’re within a certain group and only willing to date within that group? Nope, I think we’d call that attraction. How is this different?
Again, I think conversations like this which are so painfully one-sided are kind of dangerous because: 1. They are a disservice to African-American men who have no interest in “fetishizing” Ethiopian women. 2. Seek to further seperate Ethiopians and African-Americans. Because although you may be Ethiopian first, Americans perceive you just like they perceive me - Black. 3. Makes the author (and by proxy, Ethiopian woman)seem for lack of better words - stuck up. I think it’s fair to generalize here since the author did so with a pretty wide brush.
As always, interesting discourse.
c you got it right. it’s more of”type” than fetish. Fetish sounds more perverted.
That was a pretty intense discussion ,I really don’t want to be part of the debate .
gin I just wanna speculate could it be possible the African Americans have fetish because of Ethiopia’s Historical and cultural image and they want to associate themsleves wiht that ?
Yeah,Tersite,fetish really sounds perverted-just as the writer[AA]intended.And her crude characterization of a certain group’s preference as fetish is also way too self serving and bizzare.Might be another victim of too much Cosmo or pop psychology.
And I am not sure African American’s preference for our girls has anything to do with our cultural and historical legacy.And I am not sure if many of them care about our history or culture.Winta, you dont have to speculate anything at all.They all have made the reason for their attraction all too clear-our girls’ magnificient looks!But remeber they are not FETISH about it!
Yhea, Teriste ,fetish really sounds perverted-just as intended by the writer of the article.Her crude characterization of a certain group’s prefernce as fetish also strikes me as way too self serving and bizzare.Might be another innoncent victim of too much Cosmo or pop psychology.
I am not sure African American men preference for our girls remotely to do with our cultural and historical legacy.And I am not sure if many of them care about our culture or history.Winta, you dont need to speculate anything.They made the reason for their attraction all too clear-the magnificient looks of our girls!But remeber they are NOT fetish about it-not at all!
[quote comment="73183"]That was a pretty intense discussion ,I really don’t want to be part of the debate .
gin I just wanna speculate could it be possible the African Americans have fetish because of Ethiopia’s Historical and cultural image and they want to associate themsleves wiht that ?[/quote]
Ethiopian and Eritrean women have a phenotype THAT is very similar TO a particular TYPE of African-American woman THAT IS consider extremely desireable IN the African-American Community. Brown to Light-skin, aquiline facial features, straight fine hair, and curvy ( slim to plump) body are characteristics THAT have been immortalized in FILM over the HISTORY of African-American cinema. Lena Horne, Dorothy Dandridge, and Halle Berry are three of the biggest African-American FEMALE stars THAT ever graced the silver-screen. Each of these women WERE part of a different era YET all of them were consider THE greatest beauties of their time. IF you are NOT familiar with ALL of them, do a google search and view their pictures.
(The above explaination has a dynamic THAT includes slavery which IS TOO lengthy for this discussion.)
Culturally, African-American men value THE respect and honor THAT East African women(those who have NOT been TOO Americanized) exhibit toward family and each other. Ethiopian and Eritrean women(those who have NOT been TOO Americanized) in my humble opinion possess a feminity and pleaseantness THAT men who come FROM a westernized culture seldom see these days and as a consequence we find this appealling.
So, I believe THAT the combination of “beauty”, “feminity” and “traditional family values” is what draws African-American men TO East African women. IT is my personal belief THAT regardless of WHAT culture YOU belong TO once YOU are in America, an individual IS going TO adopt aspects of the dominant culture THAT surrounds THEM and AFTER a certain period OF TIME that persom will FIND THEMSELVES indentifying more with another culture THEN their own.
In other words, I have met Ethiopian women who would BE better suited for African-American men BUT will marry an Ethiopian man because of social and family pressures. I have seen Ethiopian women WHO have loved African-American men THAT WERE scared TO take a chance because of the reputation of African-American men or/and fear of ostrasism BY Ethiopian men.
REAL TALK
Let me play devils advocate, Are African-American men a fetish to Ethiopian women ?
People are drawn to WHAT is different themselves( or atleast curious).
Georgia Library MAN
Last part should read
People are drawn to WHAT is different then themselves( or atleast curious).
Okey I am confused with your comments …wht you said is the four paragraph version of wht I tried to say .I am nto sure about the influence of the media though cause the African American community have a large number of beautyful african american women who the same features as Hally Berry ,Jada smith or others .I think the interst in Ethiopian women has to do with the character which drives from the culture .Infact one thing I find diffrent aboute non-ethiopian men including African Americans is the less importance they give to looks unlike most Ethiopian men.and also not to forget ways of expressing their feeligns unlike Ethiopian men again ,who woudl die rather than be open about their emotions .
wht else ?…again am not so sure about cultural assimilation among communities livign in the US.I thought these communties rather try to build up a sense of the culture they left behind case in point Ethiopian’s obbsession to their cultural dressings and dishes or the spanish and Italian community in the US .Unless you want to talk about second generation immigrants ,which I think is a diffrent story .
Anyhow am really not looking for debates
Okey I am confused with your comments …wht you said is the four paragraph version of wht I tried to say .I am nto sure about the influence of the media though cause the African American community have a large number of beautyful african american women who the same features as Hally Berry ,Jada smith or others .
I think the interst in Ethiopian women has to do with the character which drives from the culture .Infact one thing I find diffrent aboute non-ethiopian men including African Americans is the less importance they give to looks unlike most Ethiopian men.and also not to forget ways of expressing their feeligns unlike Ethiopian men again ,who woudl die rather than be open about their emotions .
< African-American men, especially in the south(where there is a disporportionate number of darker skinned African-Americans) appreciate the physical attributes, as well as the CULTURAL attributes of ETHIOPIAN women. For those African-American men who are serious about ETHIOPIAN women, it is a combination of BOTH culture and beauty. I would insult THE intelligence of African-American and Ethiopian men IF I agreed with YOU and emphasized character without including a man's desire for beauty as well.
>
Georgia Library Man
>
Oh for real?…you think goign beyound looks is an insult ?…I thought it was the other way around .
[quote comment="73749"]>
Oh for real?…you think goign beyound looks is an insult ?…I thought it was the other way around .[/quote]
I am very precise in my language. Please do NOT try to be manipulative. This IS what I stated, “I would insult THE intelligence of African-American and Ethiopian men IF I agreed with YOU and emphasized character without including a man’s desire for beauty as well.”
I DID not imply THAT going beyond looks was an INSULT. And, yes DAT is FO real.
Georgia Library Man
[quote comment="73667"]wht else ?…again am not so sure about cultural assimilation among communities livign in the US.I thought these communties rather try to build up a sense of the culture they left behind case in point Ethiopian’s obbsession to their cultural dressings and dishes or the spanish and Italian community in the US .Unless you want to talk about second generation immigrants ,which I think is a diffrent story .
Anyhow am really not looking for debates[/quote]
IT does NOT take as long to become assimilated into western culture, anymore. Because of Global economics and Trade, assimilation can occur within a generation. From my observation, IT is much harder FOR men coming from a strong patriarchial culture TO assimilate into a culture THAT IS as highly feminized as America. Women, on the other HAND, assimilate into US culture rather quickly. They explore, embrace, and take full advantage of the economic gains, educational opportunities, sexual freedoms, and overall higher status of women in this country.
The Result ? A large number of conservative traditional Ethiopian men WHO are NOW having TO deal with a significant number of Ethiopian women WHO run the spectrum between traditional, semi-traditional, and non-traditional.
Georgia Library Man
Okey sorry ,I guess I got you wrong on the Insult and looks thing …I like the logic about emotions and Ethiopian men
But again ,Ethiopian men have always had a hard time expressing emotions .I think there is some vulurability issue .Whether they are in US ,Europe or Ethiopia .
[quote comment="73789"]Okey sorry ,I guess I got you wrong on the Insult and looks thing …I like the logic about emotions and Ethiopian men
But again ,Ethiopian men have always had a hard time expressing emotions .I think there is some vulurability issue .Whether they are in US ,Europe or Ethiopia .[/quote]
African-American women have the same complaint about African-American men.
One of my Ethiopian friends decided TO become vulnerable with his Ethiopian girlfriend. This guy is an open-minded and intelligent man. He keeps abreast of the economic, social, and political changes around the world. I consider him an overall cool guy.
Well, my homeboy does NOT have TOO much respect FOR some of the holidays THAT the U.S celebrates. He believes THAT they are frivolous money making schemes THAT have very little to DO with the more important ISSUES IN the world. Anyway, he tells me THAT his girlfriend of two years WANTS to celebrate Valentines Day( Well, my friend hates the ideal of having one day to celebrate love; he believes THAT if THE LOVE is sincere then IT will be celebrated everyday in it’s own way). My homeboy really did NOT want to celebrate Valentines BUT his girl KEPT dropping obvious HINTS, so TO please her HE bought her flowers, candy, took her out, and told her HOW he felt.
The relationship changed AFTER THAT.
She KNEW that he had strong feelings FOR HER because 1)He went against his own principles to please her and 2) He confessed to her how he felt. As a consequence, she started to make more demands and disrespect him in subtle ways. IT was as IF he had somehow become weak in her eyes. He tried TO turn this around BY becoming EVEN more vulnerable; BY listening and discussing, what was going ON. The more vulnerable HE became the more SHE pushed away. When HE started TO distance HIMSELF from HER, she began TO show interest in HIM again AND act LIKE she DID before Valentines DAY. BUT, at that point, she had put him through too much and they eventually broke up.
ALL Men have to be careful to WHOM they are vulnerable WITH so much so THAT a large number of men choose NOT to show their emotional vulnerability AT ALL.
Georgia Library Man
[quote comment="73718"]Okey I am confused with your comments …wht you said is the four paragraph version of wht I tried to say .I am nto sure about the influence of the media though cause the African American community have a large number of beautyful african american women who the same features as Hally Berry ,Jada smith or others .[/quote]
The media has a phenomenal influence on people.. on both a conscious and sub-conscious level. IF you have characteristics similar to those of women WHO are heralded worldwide as SOME of the most beautiful women IN the world; does it NOT stand to reason THAT you are going to benefit IN some WAY because OF this ?
I say this knowing full well THAT ETHIOPIAN women are considered in their own right as SOME of the most beautiful women in the world.
The African-American community does NOT have a large number of women percentage wise THAT look like Jada Smith, Halle Berry, ETC.
Georgia Library Man
Okey I think the point is Shoudln’t he say wht he feels regardless? Like If he thinks she is beautiful ..just tell her that …If he is in love with her ..just say it .What ever comes afterwards should not be the concern .i have met several non-Ethiopian men who would tell me that they think i look good or they are attracted to me with out any hesitation .But Ethiopian men they had to take you to coffee and stare at you and go aroudn the bush to say wht they are feeling.Here is wht i belive,there is nothing wrong in being rejected .Just say wht you want and if the worst comes ,you will knwo the truth about the other person and go your own ways like your friend which might have taken him another two years to figure out the kind of person his girlfirend is .
I understand how the media influences people.I shoudl know beacsue I have worked with it for a time now.Wht I was trying to say is in this specifc case media is not the perpetraitor .I am sure african american men woudl be intersted in Ethiopian women the same way even if the likes of Halle Berry were not around .
Now again, If you want to refer to the broad sense of what is percived to be good looking ..that again is another story .I guess ,Anyways .
IT is easy FOR women who FOR the most part RARELY even RISK being rejected TO tell a man THAT it DOES NOT matter WHAT happens IF he expresses HIS feelings. IN western society where women OFTEN claim equality(and where IT does NOT truly exist); I have OFTEN challeneged women TO express their feelings of love FIRST or TO ask out a man FIRST or TO compliment a man FIRST and with FEW exceptions THE woman standing in front of me will act as IF her hands have been caught in the cookie jar. THUS, I have long come to the conclusion THAT a lot of women DO NOT mind the concept of rejection as LONG AS THEY are doing the rejecting. MY personal opinion IS THAT a man SHOULD wait BEFORE giving compliments of beauty to a woman inorder to establish her character because a poor disposition and/or poor character traits may negate in outter beauty THAT she may posses.
IF an ETHIOPIAN man confesses his love for YOU or complimet YOU, why does IT matter whether, HE is hesistant OR it IS done across FROM a coffee shop ? The man IS laying HIS feelings on the line and IT takes GUTS. YOU see, what I think YOU are complaining about IS a lack of the westernized concept of R-O-M-A-N-C-E. IN which case, you have a lot of uninhibited smooth talking African-American men who HAVE a lot of practice in complimenting women on a daily basis.
1)Which IS more flattering and sincere a man WHO stumbles THROUGH a declaration of love or compliment THAT YOU know IS met FOR only YOU ? or 2) A man who smoothly GIVES compliments and declarations of love TO multiple women? I KNOW THAT it IS possible FOR a man to declare his love and compliment JUST ONE woman, smoothly BUT for the sake of arguement let’s deal with my general case 1 and 2.
Listen, I can flow(with the best of them) when IT comes TO declaring my AFFECTIONS for a woman BUT I recognize THAT THAT is a function of the culture THAT I come FROM and MY individual character.
By the way, my friend made a cardinal mistake when it came TO women. A man should NEVER ONLY listen TO WHAT a woman SAYS, He should ALWAYS watch WHAT she DOES. As my friend reflected back on the incident, he recognized THAT the signs were there BUT he ignored THEM.
AS Maya Angelou writes,” IF a person SHOWS you who THEY are believe THEM.”
Georgia Library Man
There IS a disporportionate number of successful African-American men WHO are married TO women WHO are lighter THEN themselves. This is documented in several studies as well as IN a definitive book on the subject called, The Color Complex. What I am saying IS THAT before ETHIOPIAN women burst ON the scene IN the U.S, Many African-American men HAVE been KNOWN to desire THE type of physical characteristics THAT she possess.
*I’m going to give YOU some homework. Find photos of Chris Rock’s wife, Blair Underwood’s wife, Eddie Murpy’s wife, Levar Burton’s wife, Morgan Freeman’s wife, Bill Bellamy’s wife, Steve Harvey’s wife, Ving Rhame’s wife, and Spike Lee’s wife to name of few. Search for a picture of Denzel Washington’s wife and I will comment on it later.*
Would African-American men have LIKED Ethiopian women IF the likes of a Halle Berry was NOT around ? I dont KNOW. One would have TO take those factors THAT created a Halle Berry out of the equation. IF you believe in the concept of ‘the butterfly effect’ whereby IF a person were to go back in time and change ONE small THING– the future may be drastically altered–in which case there IS THAT possibility THAT another standard of beauty may exist. Also, There is THAT possibility THAT African-American men may NOT exist or exist as HE does, today.
I have enjoyed our discourse. I have learned quite a few things, Thank You.
Georgia Library Man
Excellent point, i just wish everyone else would understand that it exists, the preference for lighter skin woman
[quote comment="73958"]
People have preferences and skin complexion IS one of many of them. African-Americans are touchy about the subject because of OUR history of slavery. I’m NOT a fan of being politically correct. IT too often obscures THE truth. From the caste system in India TO apartheid in South Africa, where their exist people who are NOT homogenous, WITHOUT exception, YOU will witness stratification across color lines.
Many women have a preference for lighter skinned men BUT it IS NOT as prominent AS it is FOR their male counterparts.
Look at the dominant western culture’s portrayal of men and women throughout history. A man was often describe as tall, dark, and handsome AND women were described as Blond, blue-eyed, FAIR maidens. Now, you had situations where a man WAS described as being ALL American( Tall, blond, and blue-eyed) BUT you rarely HEARD of a dark or darker woman described in desireable TERMS in popular literature. IT simply does NOT happen as frequently.
Realistically, few things in life are EQUAL and ONE TYPE of preference will surely dominate the other. For instance, there IS not an equal split of women who prefer TALL men to SHORT men; most women prefer TALL men. YOU can apply this example to any preference IN existance.
Now, do I believe the THINGS that I have observed are right? No. BUT, pretending THAT they do NOT exist or refusing to acknowledge THAT they do exist, does NOT solve the problem.
Signing off Later
Georgia Library Man
There IS a disporportionate number of successful African-American men WHO are married TO women WHO are lighter THEN themselves. This is documented in several studies as well as IN a definitive book on the subject called, The Color Complex. What I am saying IS THAT before ETHIOPIAN women burst ON the scene IN the U.S, Many African-American men HAVE been KNOWN to desire THE type of physical characteristics THAT she possess. There exist intra-racism IN the African-American community fueled by darker skinned African-American women who claim THAT most African-American men PREFER lighter-skinned African-American women.
*I’m going to give YOU some homework. Find photos of Chris Rock’s wife, Blair Underwood’s wife, Eddie Murpy’s wife, Levar Burton’s wife, Morgan Freeman’s wife, Bill Bellamy’s wife, Steve Harvey’s wife, Ving Rhame’s wife, and Spike Lee’s wife to name of few. Search for a picture of Denzel Washington’s wife and I will comment on it later.*
Would African-American men have LIKED Ethiopian women IF the likes of a Halle Berry was NOT around ? I dont KNOW. One would have TO take those factors THAT created a Halle Berry out of the equation. IF you believe in the concept of ‘the butterfly effect’ whereby IF a person were to go back in time and change ONE small THING– the future may be drastically altered–in which case there IS THAT possibility THAT another standard of beauty may exist. Also, There is THAT possibility THAT African-American men may NOT exist or exist as HE does, today.
I have enjoyed our discourse. I have learned quite a few things, Thank You.
Part of my reply was left out of my initial post to YOU.
Georgia Library Man
FROM THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE FETISH EFFECT
Since, the premise of THIS article preposes THAT all Africans have a preference for lighter skin, Why IS IT THAT ONLY African-Americans are singled OUT as having a fetish toward ETHIOPIAN women? Furthermore, since ALL ETHIOPIAN women are NOT of a lighter HUE would IT NOT have been BETTER to re-iterate THAT the suppose fetish OF African-American men IS FOR lighter-skinned ETHIOPIAN women, ONLY.
IF YOU are speaking specifically of lighter skinned Ethiopian women, and since we have concluded that a large number of men FROM the Black diaspora have a preference FOR lighter-skinned people, would IT not HAVE been better TO ASK, HOW much of the preference, THAT men in the Black diaspora have FOR light-skinned ETHIOPIAN women, a fetish?
Language IS extremely important AND I examine IT closely. To single out African-Americans, as having a fetish, THAT BY your own admission OTHER Africans HAVE IS disingenious.
IT IS as IF you are trying to specifically discredit African-American men IN the eyes Of ETHIOPIAN women. I have TO ask the question, Why? IF I were a guessing man, I would say THAT IF there were NO fear of ostracism from family and Ethiopian men, there would BE more Ethiopian women and African-American men dating and marrying which would greatly decrease the available Ethiopian women FOR Ethiopian men IN the U.S.
Surely, you must KNOW that YOU can NOT stop PEOPLE who truly WANT to be together.
Later
Georgia Library Man
Okey If the media was to have an effect to the extent you have said ,there are many African-American women who have made it with the feature they have .And there are African American celebrities who got married to women who do not necessary have the skin and body features you are referring to (your assignment ?…Check out
Ritta and Bob marley,Samuel Jackson and wife,Vennes and Serena Williams ,Oprah ,Missy Eliot and the likes ) who really are very influenatial people in the area.
[quote comment="73994"]Okey If the media was to have an effect to the extent you have said ,there are many African-American women who have made it with the feature they have .And there are African American celebrities who got married to women who do not necessary have the skin and body features you are referring to (your assignment ?…Check out
Ritta and Bob marley,Samuel Jackson and wife,Vennes and Serena Williams ,Oprah ,Missy Eliot and the likes ) who really are very influenatial people in the area.[/quote]
The two men THAT you mentioned Bob Marley and Samuel L Jackson married their wives BEFORE they became successful. Denzel Washington married his wife BEFORE he became successful. Venus, Serena, Oprah, and Missy Elliot are NOT considered GREAT beauties and none of THEM are married.
Serena and Venus Williams complain about the lack of available Black men who will approach them, and as a consequence they date men of other races.( I have No problem with IT BUT I stated THIS JUST for clarification. YOU love WHO you LOVE).
Oprah has a HISTORY of dating light-skinned men. (Her preference and she is entitled to IT).
Missy Elliot has been dogged by rumors of lesbianism. (Again, I’m stating this FOR informative purposes, ONLY).
IF you get a chance and IF you have NOT read IT, read Rita Marley’s book,” No Woman, No Cry”. Rita Marley specifically states THAT Bob had a preference in women. Guess, what that preference was ? His preference use to infuriate Rita and cause a lot of damage to their marriage. Ofcourse, you know THAT Bob was a notorious womanizer.
Again, I highly recommend, Rita Marley’s, No woman, No CRY.
Georgia Library Man
As I said at the begining I really do not want to change in to a debate .But I just have to say that was one of the funniest explantions. Wht diffrence does it make if the guys get married before or after fame .I am sure Denzel with his looks doesn’t need fame to get any kind of women he wanted too . the same works for S.Jackson. Now I hope you are nto saying that in the world of’ money is evrything’ those girls were not abel to find husbands .
About the other comments I am sure If we look deep enough we will find similar change of prefercence to women among the men you mentioned in your response .Only that their wives haven’t written a book on that .
[quote comment="73999"]
Winta, your innocence IS refreshing and I sincerely mean THAT. I’m NOT debating WITH you; YOU and I are simply discussing an ISSUE.
I want YOU to answer ME honestly. I DO NOT want TO KNOW HOW you FEEL with regards TO this statement, I WANT to KNOW WHAT you THINK.
Sweetheart, this IS where cultural differences, as well as morals, come into play.
IF Samuel L Jackson and Denzel Washington had married AFTER they achieved financial success and fame, IT is improbable THAT they would BE married TO the women THAT THEY are married TO today. Where YOU are AT, at any given point IN time will EFFECT your choices in mates. Money and Fame allows YOU choices IN everything THAT you would NOT normally have I.E home(s), car(s), neighborhood(s), college(s), type(s) and quality of food(s), and spouses.
Furthermore, Denzel Washington and Samuel L Jackson LOOK the way they LOOK because of the lifestyle that THEY are leading. IF they were working class or middle class men, they would quite possibily LOOK much different.
Georgia Library Man
Just to qoute you
[quote comment="74016"]Just to qoute you
[/quote]
my FULL quote.
The context in which I made this statement IS very important, Winta.
Georgia Library Man
Bob and Rita Marley are Jamaicans.
Georgia Library Man
Alicia Keyes and India Arie
There has been debate as TO why India Arie has NOT received THE level of acclaim THAT Alicia Keyes HAS. Although, their music IS different, insiders and fans alike have argued THAT India Arie’s music IS just as prolific, popular, inspiring, and professionally done as Alicia Keyes.
Why do you THINK India Arie Has NOT received anywhere near the recognition of Alicia Keyes, Winta?
Georgia Library Man
In the U.S, as women ascend the social economic ladder, their likelihood of marriage decreases; conversely, as men ascend the social economic ladder, their likelihood of marriage increases.
I want elaborate. I will just leave IT at THAT.
Georgia Library Man
“But again ,Ethiopian men have always had a hard time expressing emotions .I think there is some vulurability issue .Whether they are in US ,Europe or Ethiopia”
Not only Ethiopiam men a lot of men and women have issues expressing themselves.
Well I have known Ethio men who do express themselves. I rather hear” nefse, yene emebet etc” than honny, baby or darling …..
my heart almost stops if a guy tells me nefse, yenekono etc.
If a mone says babe to me it’s fugera ,………….. but it’s just me.
Watch you language zebe
Nolawi ,Sorry ,but I think you shoudln’t let zenebe say those things .Can’t be edited or sth ?
Well,
Now ,that is basic assumption made about sucessful women everywhere .But There are women who have sucessful family life as well as professional life .SO I really do not wht to make of your argument
Zebene
we will delete comments that contains foul language so please watch what you say and try to make your point without calling names.
Nefse Yenekono
Men usually do NOT require THAT their spouse EARN more THEN they DO, on the OTHER hand, women DO. As a woman’s income RISES, it becomes MORE difficult FOR her TO find a mate WHO makes as much or MORE then she DOES. In the U.S, for a woman TO marry a man who makes LESS then she does often-times carries a social stigma of MARRYING DOWN. Despite the claims of equality between MEN and WOMEN, both parties tend to have problems and issues when THE MAN is NOT the major bread winner IN the HOME.
I know a large number of Ethopian women IN there THIRTIES that INVESTED in their education and careers WHO either do NOT have a man OR the man that THEY have THEY do NOT really WANT. The Ethiopian women WHO are coming of AGE in America, London, and other parts of the world where they have access to education are doing phenomenal. They are becoming engineers, accountants, pharmacists, entertainers, doctors, computer scientist, ETC. The ONLY thing THAT will limit the success of these women IS lack of opportunities. In FACT, Ethiopian women HAVE made greater educational attainment IN a shorter period of TIME then their male counter-parts.
When the number of Ethiopian women WHO become educated and financially successful exceed those of Ethiopian men, women will begin to complain about the lack of marriageable eligible man on their LEVEL. I mean, I already HEAR the grumbling AS more and more Ethiopian women become acclimated into and adopt certain aspects of western culture.
Let me sum UP what I said. Financially successful men have more opportunties to marry because THEY will consider women across the entire social economic spectrum, so there IS no such thing as marrying down for THEM. A woman’s income does NOT rank high in most men’s calculus FOR mate. ON the other hand, financially successful women want to marry someone ATLEAST as financially successful as themselves, thus they have restricted themselves to a small percentage of men at the start. In addition, most women WILL NOT pursue a man SO they a further restricted BY having to wait FOR a man with a higher level of income THEN her own to approach.
Georgia Library Man
You have a lot of spunk. I like THAT Winta. BUT, we were speaking specifically about African-Amer