There’s romance then there’s romance Ethio style. How he addresses me and talks to me in both Amaregna and English in itself leaves me speechless. When he say’s yene konjo, nefse, or ewedeshaleu it melts the skin off of me but I’m not selfish I give as much as I receive if not more.
I hear a lot of complaints from both the Ethio men and women ‘that there’s not enough romance in their relationship.‘ I think people seem to overlook the day to day gestures of love as a given he/she is owed that. No you’re not! You don’t have to walk on the beach or sit in the car overlooking the Grand Canyon to be romantic. Also romance is not what men give and women receive it’s a two way street.
Everyone wants to be surprised with a nice dress/suit and a helicopter waiting to whisk you off to a 5 star beach resort. Wait there’s Cristal champagne and caviar waiting in the room. Then when you get there the bath is filled with milk and rose petals spread around the bed. Wow nice, now that’s what Brad gave to Judy on that TV show but then you forget Brad and Judy had a script to follow with a million dollar budget to create your fantasy.
I’m not saying it can’t or does not happen but it’s rare and it shouldn’t set the standard for what romance is supposed to be like. It could be a message written or left on a voice mail with a simple “I miss you” or “I’ve been thinking of you.” It could also be the look that you get or the touch that you feel. Romance has no limits.
If you’re not getting what you want then tell your partner but be realistic.
I personally like the simple things in romance. Making me smile when I need it. Making me feel good when I want it. Buying me something when I least expect it. I say this because I think Valentines Day is overrated. It’s a given a man is wired to buy you a dozen roses that cost $200 and those damn chocolates and a woman will buy you a cheesy looking boxer. So I say don’t wait to be told how and when to be romantic you decide that for yourself.
Romance it up! Be spontaneous and creative do it at the spur of the moment. Being romantic shouldn’t require writing up a business plan and it also shouldn’t be because you owe your partner for what he/she did last month. Be sincere and devote your undivided attention to them for that moment in time.
Now let’s turn off the lights and light some candles…..
Published by July 17th, 2007 in Advice, Dating and Social.Send this post to a friend
celeb ,love the article .it is about time we abesha setoch appreciate our abesha wondoch & v/v. I am tired of hearing ‘oh abesha wondoch don’t know how be romantic to women’,constantly compared to American men.just because absesha wondoch don’t conform to the commercially reinforced culture,Where you have to please a woman through expensive gifts ,i.e diamonds ,flowers …..doesn’t mean they are not romantic .I am not saying that ethiomen don’t do those things just saying ,it should not be the requirement for love .To me the most romantic thing my man can do for is very simple nice body message after a long day of work ,asking how my day went …making me my favorite hot tea ,you know your day to day things.and it takes two to tangle ,who says men don’t like attention or romance trust me they do ,but it has to be custom made and special in each need .all in all be consistent do not wait for valentine day to be caring and romantic , do it through the year , that is just me.
by the way celeb i am predicting this will be the highest commented article in the history of bernos.
This is so heart warming - I feel like crying - so I’m not alone? I grew up in a home where my parents touched each other to make sure they were not sick and I figured since they are still stick’n it out that must be love.
I love me some romance and if the only menu that I could order it from was a Habesha Romance Menu it would probably read like this:
Eggs with Beat Down - Tigray/Eritrea and Menze Special
Alcohol, Broke and Pasti - Addis Ababa Arada
Bald head with Fat Belly - Ethiopia is Overstocked.com
Birr with a dash of Kocho - Gurage special
Viagra Cock_Tail - Gojjam Tana Perch
Mango kick in your teeth - Gambella Macho
Romance - please try another restaurant eze ayawatenem
One love - for real
Relationships come with baggage. The man and woman should be aware of eachother baggage and are willing to help carry the baggage. For me, relationship should be all about that. Accepting the person as they are and loving them only for who they are not for what material they bring to the table..
celeb, wow girly….nice going with the article. I concur 100%. love you girl.
whomp whomp tell em tell em!
Nice article; after reading the first two sentence; I guessed who the author is; you know what I guessed it right.
I Abesha ladies please stop the nonsense that says we have to stick with our men. One of you mentioned how the simple things they do is romance. I disagree 100%. In fact they should do more. Those things they do is what they are suppose to. But sometimes they have to do more things than the usual obligations they have toward us.
If that is what you ladies consider romance then I understand completely why we ethio ladies have no romance. Those nonEthio ladies get all the 200 dollar flowers and beach vacation coz they demand that. If we continue to have low standards then that is all we get. Low standard Ethio-romance.
celebratelife I agree on all the things u said. What we want to ourselves should be what we offer for our partner (men/women). I think what we luck from our ethio man is they like to adapt the culture that fits their needs. u know what I mean. Some say why buy roses cus it is not our culture. I believe a romance should be alive in relationship through out. What I mean is our men will do anything until they get u and they start going backwards. I believe not to do things that you won’t keep doing the rest of the relationship while in the girlfriend and boyfriend manner or husband and wife thing. I don’t know why we don’t love each other till death due us apart doesn’t work? Why don’t we enjoy life with loving each other since life is short? What do u think my people? Hope there will be more honest responses for this interesting article. Thanks for bringing it up.
Mimi
[quote comment="61943"]I Abesha ladies please stop the nonsense that says we have to stick with our men. One of you mentioned how the simple things they do is romance. I disagree 100%. In fact they should do more. Those things they do is what they are suppose to. But sometimes they have to do more things than the usual obligations they have toward us.
Those nonEthio ladies get all the 200 dollar flowers and beach vacation coz they demand that. [/quote]
so what you are saying is that you are entitled to a lot more than you give just because you are a woman, the traditional things men do to be considerate for their significant other is an obligation….
my question is when did dating become a duty….
Celeb,
This is revolutionary positive article that forces all of us to do some soul searching.
Eyeru,
If you have to demand it to get it, it is not romantic at all no matter how expensive it is.
[quote comment="61943"]I Abesha ladies please stop the nonsense that says we have to stick with our men. One of you mentioned how the simple things they do is romance. I disagree 100%.[/quote]
Do I smell a hip-hop-club-celebrity-vip-wannaBE-yet-nothing-but-a-groupie?
[quote comment="62034"]Celeb,
This is revolutionary positive article that forces all of us to do some soul searching.
Eyeru,
If you have to demand it to get it, it is not romantic at all no matter how expensive it is.
[/quote]
thank you dinich. well said indeed.
Hey “Romance is having someone else stack the dishwasher.”
unloading the dishwasher is romantic too
Celb, another great article. You go girl…
tsedu, I thought “Baby, can we talk” is the highest commented article.
I agree with you celeb,
I love romance and everything about it(giving it and taking it) at times I feel like I like giving it more, just the look on his face is worth everything…..with that said, I don’t think there is a particular instruction on how to be romantic or on “things to do” to be romantic.
Whatever romantic thing your man does for you or you do for your man should come from the heart and not a sitcom.
Nice article indeed Celeb.
I agree with most of the people who said romance doesn’t have to be materialistic. Helping each other, caring for each other, a nice walk together in the park/by the beach, any thing that one person does for the other with out being told in a relationship or marriage is romantic. The thoughtfulness is what it should count not how much he/she spends on it.
tsedu, I say step by step we’ll change the ways of romance as it should be Ethio style.
Tsion,
I know romance will do that to you every time. I remember crying once because a guy drove about 30 minutes to buy me my favorite pastries and latte when I was totally and completely stressed out. All this just to put a smile on my face.
Tena, Amen! Ain’t that the truth. Too many times we try to change the other by requesting what’s superficial instead of accepting the actual.
An earring from Tiffany’s $1,500
Dinner at Spago’s $400.00
Hearing him say “ewedeshaleu” priceless
Chelema, You’re such a sweetheart love you too.
Yep and she be tryin to romance a dollar out of 15 cent
Nolawi,
That’s what I wanna know too. Cause if it’s a duty someone, besides the man, needs to start cutting me a check or two.
Bed_fordye, uh oh I’m becoming predictable
Eyeru, honey what happened? Talk to me sis. Who done you wrong?
Let me tell you I once heard a guy say, “ene yeselechegn bado ejuan meta ante min aleh yemetel set new” So you get it? The man who got it to give wants to know what you got to match his generosity. It’s the 21st century sweetie. If you argue it’s not then it will be on Sept 11th. Ethio men have finally opened their eyes to say hell no! About damn time too. So don’t turn romance into “two can play that game” cause every game must have an ending (good or bad). So why start something if you’re intention is to end it?
Mimi, I so agree with you. Don’t start stuff if you can’t keep up with it. Playing pretend is so dangerous and why mislead when you know you can’t even believe or buy what you’re trying to feed your partner. Romance is supposed to represent love and not a dead president.
Dinich, thank you, anything to bring more romance in this world I’ll sign up for.
Phophetic & aster, Are you two linked? If not you should be, just by your wonderful responses.
Abyssinia, Thank you I do it all for the love of love.
Alphie,
Me too although I love getting it equally. Seeing his eyes glow with love is worth any and everything.
Sky, I tell you sky is the limit in the romance department
I am completely lost. What the hell is Ethio-romance.
It indicates that the so called Ethio-romance is not as good as real romance. A romance only a real man can give. If the Ethio-romance was good it should be exciting. THe I love you talk is just what normal couples do. Let’s not confuse it with romance.
Eyeru
U hit the nail on the head. I agree. Unless this Ethio romance includes surprises of vacations, dozens of roses, expensive gifts such as dimonds then it is not ROmance period. U r right Eyeru when u say the little things they do is obligation. Romance has to be a surprise and fun than usual boring stuff. U go girl.
ding ding ,we got another gold digger in da house ,yeah I am referring to both of you , story and Eyeru .Apparently you girls have never be in love and romanced by real ethiomen.i suggest you guys need to buy your own bling ,be lonely the rest of your lives ,because that is really what is going to happen .
I think you are right Celeb …
Hey Aster…I got plenty of Dirty Dishes
romance is nice but as soon as a guy gets romantic with me I feel sick that esp includes roses cant stand them if a guy gets all romantic it kills the romance for me call me weird but thats the case with me.
[quote comment="62097"]romance is nice but as soon as a guy gets romantic with me I feel sick that esp includes roses cant stand them if a guy gets all romantic it kills the romance for me call me weird but thats the case with me.[/quote]
romany,
It is not only weird, it is confusing.
Story sweetie pie, sugar plum, sour puss,
Let me tell you by starting out with…..we’re Ethio’s and we’re romantic and you’re missing part of the equation that’s why you’re confused.
Btw, just so you know pimpin yourself by posting an email as a nick ain’t gonna get you those diamonds. So learn a few trick from the pros and email me at fikir@urpathetic.net Hope to hear from you soon
I gotta give it to you though you are consistent. You’re always hating on Ethio men.
tsedu,
nah that’s like a promotion for them. hahah but gotta love the sista’s for speaking their mind and always in synch with hateration to the 10th power.
Romany, at least you’re honest…your romance is no romance. Some people are like that with emotional intimacy.
romance is more than just gifts, surprises, boat trips, vacation get aways…..etc etc…..
romance could be the way you just look at your partner, the way you touch, kiss, the way you talk to each other, basically anything and everything you do that reminds your partner to say ….WOW…..
Ethio-romance is simply called so because its either done in Amharic, or done by ethiopian period. there is no rule or formula for romance. Romance is spontaneous, its exciting, revealing of the true happy feelings, and many many more…..but its never about money.
So all you money-hungry-huchies, stop hating on ethio-romance. We know you’re kind (the Ethio version of barbie-blondie-doll dummies).
I don’t get the couple of girls who EXPECT guys to buy them things, especially for no reason other than they’re dating. Are you saying part of dating a guy is he has to continously buy you stuff and spend money on you. Ever heard of you’re a grown person so get your own money and $#!t?? I guess random gifts are nice sometimes but I don’t expect them and no need to go overbord. Expecting stuff you see in movies and videos is plain retarded. I mean gifts have to make sense. If a guy buys me stuff for my birth day, does something for aniversary and stuff then it makes sense but I’d do the same for him on his special days. It actually turns me off and gets on my nerves when a guy approches me and thinks that’s the way to impress me and talks about money and what he can buy and $#!t. It’s insulting. There are sooooooooo many other ways to impress me other than their wallet. I guess the two kinds would attract each other, guys who think they can buy your love/trust/friendship and the girls who go looking for that…..so superfical
“Don’t go sending me those three dozen roses
Don’t you know that just one rose will do
Don’t go trying to put diamonds on my fingers
Don’t you know that I’m making money too
Don’t go throwing those stones outside my window
You don’t gotta be calling three times a day
‘Cause if you do then when we get together
I’ll be biting my lip ’cause there’s nothing else left to say
I think habesha men are not trained how to express their love to their women .They have not seen their parents holding hands or kissing .This does not make them an unromantic lover.
Personally since I did not grow up watching couples touching and kissing I feel embarassed when habeshas do that in public now.I also involuntarily recoil to the affectionate touch of my sig.other.I guess it is a cultural thing.A year ago i wanted to surprise him with a candle light dinner and turned the light off and lighted some scented candles .As soon as he walked in he asked me if that day was “mikael”. Zare mikael new ende alegne elachuhalew .I love st micheal and our local church is mikael .That is a lame excuse .I know some of you will Call him fara or whatever .I have learned to accept him as he is.
Romance is an Art, way of expression and its canvas is love. Romance is an exaggerated manifestation of love. Romance is that extra mile.
Having already agreed that art is open to interpretation, it is no surprise that our relation and experience with the concept and act of romance is different from one individual to the other. Some express their fikir, adoration, admiration etc by lavishing you with gifts, by wining and dining you in the finest restaurants, by way of poetry, spontaneous kiss/touch/love making, song, a post it note, a card, a voice mail, by cooking your favorite food, by taking you special places etc. Some men are either inadequate in that expression or they believe they are doing it in their own way so they don’t get the rest. The other kind are the kind who are self-limited, i.e. they are capable and they know what to do but they don’t want to do it for fear of ‘spoiling’ Chkiratuwa lay endayweta
It is up to you to figure out which type of man you got and set your expectation in keeping with your circumstance to avoid the disappointment. Most importantly you lead by example.
I think the clincher is that, having realistic expectation. Yes you don’t have to be by the beach over looking the Grand Canyon to be romantic, however it would be imprudent to say that is not romantic. You shouldn’t expect to be dined and wined in the finest and the most expensive restaurants (candle lit, overlooking the ocean and all) to be shown adoration when you know well and good that his pocket is not as big as his heart. Btw, things that we think are so far out of our reach are the very simple things in life that are so inexpensive. It is all about the level of skill in the art that is all.
When your man offers to massages you because he knows your back is aching and he knows how that helps relief your pain, that is love and care…when he light the candle, do the etan (because he knows how much you love it), put leslasa music and tells you to lay down for the massage, then this adds the romantic element to what would otherwise have been a mundane task. This example takes it back to my opening statements.
To me romance/romancing is:
- When you exchange feelings/thoughts about how much the other means to you; i.e. delving deeper as opposed to the four syllable ‘I love you too’ which at times seems to be set in auto-pilot.
- You are home alone (apart by distance from your lover) pulling an all night study binge for an upcoming exam, you are hungry, there is nothing to eat in the house but you can’t afford the time to go out grab something. All this is mentioned in your phone conversation with your man. Less than an hour later, your door rings and there is a pizza delivery for which you have not placed an order for. You discover that it was from your fikregna who is across the other border, telling you I wish I was there to cook for you! And to find out that he had to jump through loops to place that order from one border to the other???
- You are the bride’s maid to your BFF’s wedding and on the wedding day you discover that your dress is a tad bit longer than what you initially was fitted for, you are unhappy because it is going to be a little uncomfortable but the show must go on. Your man pulls all the stops in a very tight time allotted, running around in a town he is not familiar with, paying way more than the usual, just to get your dress fixed so that your day is not ruined and you feel just as beautiful.
- It is your man’s birthday and you know he is not celebrating it in any special way. You fly out and knock his door holding little goodies and food you grubbed on your way, just to tell him ‘I am thankful for this day in which you were brought to this earth to be mine’.
- You buy him the latest gadget of his liking when he least expected it, even though you think it is a ridiclous amount of money to spend on something that is not vital to his existence and especially when there are other bills the money could be spent on. Just to see the twinkle in his eyes and his boyish grins (as if he is a 9yr old who just got his first bike or PS2).
- You get yourself involved in things he is interested in even though those things are not really your cup of tea. You share the sport he likes to watch, you bring him the beer, pour one for yourself if you are a drinker and settle yourself by his side and cheer his favorite team alongside of him. It doesn’t make you a fake; it makes you someone who likes to be part of the things that brings happiness to your lover.
mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns, menstrualcramps, menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??
prophetic ,don’t you think that is a bit excessive?
”mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns, menstrualcramps, menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??”
show some respect, for the majority women ,who are respecting ethiomen .lets not even start what men and women go through physiologically.i think if your lady is going through all those things ,specially the’ mental breakdown’…,may be you should get her psyc. help. I don’t think even ‘200$ roses ” romancing won’t work .
my two cents–
celeb im a little confused. although i agree with what you talked about being romantic im confused as to what makes it an Ethio-romance? the language he uses?
[quote comment="62115"]prophetic ,don’t you think that is a bit excessive?”mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns, menstrualcramps,menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??”
show some respect, for the majority women ,who are respecting ethiomen .lets not even start with what men and women go through physiologically.i think if your lady is going through all those things ,specially the’ mental breakdown’…,may be you should get her psyc. help. I don’t think even ‘200$ roses ” romancing won’t work .[/quote]
I WAS going to reply how this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard (Prophetics comment), but I assumed it was supposed to be a joke, right Prophetic?????
[quote comment="62112"]mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns,
menstrualcramps,menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??[/quote]
Yeah you are required just like we are. In defense of my brothers (including you). I would like to say man is also in everything positive. Romance, Chairman, Emancipator, Commander, Woman….so
enough with the men bashing and light a candle.
Meronye, yes the language among other things. I mean as Ethiopians we are not brought up to think of relationships in terms of romancing each other (correct me if I’m wrong). So any gesture of romance from an
Ethio man speaks a thousand bilingual words
whoever said chivalry was dead was not looking at ethiopian men. they open doors, pull your chair out for you, even offer to pay for you meal together. we as women in the western world have expectations of what romance is, but the beauty of romance is that it cannot be defined. it could be the littlest things like a hug or kiss. or the cheapest things like memories. there are no money values placed on the most special things between a man and woman in love. i cannot see myself without my ethiopian men. all who disagree have had some bad experiences. maybe your next will turn you around. if you expectations are unatainable, you will never be happy. small is beautiful.
Biskut That is funny
and no, that doesn’t make him fara. His reaction is to what he knows and I admire you for accepting him the way he is. I must say though you will be surprised how much a man can be eager, provided the love is there, to please his women because that in turn pleases him… so show him few tricks of your liking and he will pick up on it… not because you “demanded” it but because he loves you and want to love you the way you want to be loved. What you get because you “demand” it loses all its meaning and value because he does it to ‘shut you up’. Not because there is love and thought put behind it.
I agree with your analysis regarding habesha men/women cultural experience with love, affection, romance and its display. It is at best ‘modest’ and restrained. Particularly true in the older generation. Gin we never looked at it that way enji, it is their own way of romancing when balageru washintun bedg argo siyangoragurelat esuwa beterawa degmo segurwan tekeshina kodawan bekebe ena beAriti ashta agelglun anegeta wede masa enka belaligne letelew sitesemara.
[quote comment="62065"]I agree with you celeb,
I love romance and everything about it(giving it and taking it) at times I feel like I like giving it more, just the look on his face is worth everything…..with that said, I don’t think there is a particular instruction on how to be romantic or on “things to do” to be romantic.
Whatever romantic thing your man does for you or you do for your man should come from the heart and not a sitcom.[/quote]
yes ma’am…i agree too much
Engeda,
Ahhhhh love it! Preach it sista!
Biskut, I once dated an Abesha guy who was very traditional and very conservative. I used to love doing silly things to put a smile on his face. So one day I bought a small mylar balloon that reads, “you are so special to me” and took it to his house on our way to dinner. Anyway when he saw it, his first words were, “ayyy America abelashtoshal” and I was so hurt cause at the least I wanted a hug. Anyway so he placed the balloon on the table and we went out. Never saw the balloon again. Then we broke up and 6 months later we made up.
Do you know when I went to his place he had the balloon, although deflated, so well reserved and displayed in a frame on top of his dresser. He told me that the day I gave him the balloon he realized that he was in love with me and that he has never felt that special. I cried, and cried, and cried almost the whole night because god knows I loved that man and hearing those words was so much more than anything he could ever buy me. You can’t place a dollar value on that moment. I felt so special that he valued something I thought he tossed out a long time ago.
So some Abesha men sometimes have a hard time expressing their feelings when they receive affection and attention because they are so used to having to woo women all the damn time. Anyway I love our Ethio men. Just love em!
YD, I likes your definition of romance. My favorite…
Celeb, First the article and then your comments on the comments given made my day. Thanks for putting our abesha mens best face forward and most of all for loving us. Let me say “CELEB YOU ARE ONE SPECIAL WOMAN”.
Dont be surprised if you see a flying baloon with the above words in quote hovers over the west coast sky. I dunno how you frame that.
Indeed romantic moments have no dollar/euro value at all. It was succintly put by Chelema, Dinich, Sky, Alpha and others. As my Ethio compatriots, I will always remain romantic.
celeb you sound to me a very desperate girl .you probably are one those people will say anything to get a date and turn into a complete different person.
romance is nothing: attitude.It can help you have a woman.That is all.You just put :buy flower at 12 am for .. on your agenda, and it is done.
Love is something else.the way you express it depends on the way you are made.For some, it could even be a nightmare.Specialy ethios.Menew etna kessa…feQer yezot..Some kind of illness.
do you think forgetting to open the car door for your girl as being not romantic
…?
I don’t think most men will shy away from being romantic if they find the right person. You [woman] just have to prove it to him that you are the type of person who deserves that. I mean no matter how you define romance, if you are expecting to receive it from your man, at least you have to make sure that you can also give it back as well. Imho, “romance” is a two way street. A lasting romance is the one that comes in the form of emotional support, carrying and loving from both sides.
If your man is showering you with diamonds, it means that either he has ascertained that you are a loving and carrying person and he is happy to do that for you, but it could also mean that you are falling short from giving it back to him, and he is just paying you for your service and enjoying the ride while it lasts. So, if you feel that you have been so romanticized by your man, I tell you that you better not take it for granted.
My 2 cents
lollllllll at Zare mikael new indie?
Biskut, You sound like a true partner. Thanks for sharing.
Romance for me is when my husband tells me I look beautiful when I am 9 months pregnant and feel like a whale, it is when I find a note in my lunch bag that my hubby packed for me saying “I love you” or when he takes out the kids to play so that I can have me time or when he arranges for a baby sitter and surprises me with a night out just for the two of us. IMHO these little acts of being thoughtful go a long way once the honey moon has long gone. I think this is Universal and does not have to be owned by one group or another.
[quote comment="62124"]A year ago i wanted to surprise him with a candle light dinner and turned the light off and lighted some scented candles .As soon as he walked in he asked me if that day was “mikael”. Zare mikael new ende alegne elachuhalew .I love st micheal and our local church is mikael .That is a lame excuse .I know some of you will Call him fara or whatever .I have learned to accept him as he is.[/quote]
Biskut that’s the cutest thing ever. He’s romantic just for being like that. I love those clueless men !!
I have deleted one comment because this person is using multiple nicks
pick one and stick to it…
secondly please use non-offensive nicks….
i my opinion to get your man to be romantic to you is simple being hot and having personality but definetly you have to have the body and beauty .call me superficial but men worship my body and my looks and do anything for me ,and i am not talking about diamonds and flowers ,but emotional availability and most of all i get attention isn’t what every woman wants and i can buy all those things for myself .of course do the same for your man .but if you are an average looking girl you have to work harder .
I have yet deleted another comment because of the multiple nick thing….
also please use a name of sorts…. no offense is not a nick… thanks
Tigist,
All a woman needs is the attention of one loving caring man. For that you don’t have to be a super model.
I know beauty draws attention including the wrong attention from all sorts of jerks. Don’t forget there are a lot of beautiful and yet miserable women….
Thank you all for sharing and discussing romance as it should be discussed.
Z man, I’m tempted to frame those words
I accept it just the same. that was so sweet.
Teddy #39 good for you and I know for a fact that you’re the same person as tigist #47. So keep doing what you do to keep the worship flowing your way. Til then light a candle. lol
dawitm,
…?[/quote]
[quote comment="62217"]do you think forgetting to open the car door for your girl as being not romantic
You are too cute for words. No forgetting shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t know if there are many women who expect the door to be held open all the time.
Ted, I very much agree to not taking the kind gestures of romance for granted.
Mamitu, you and your husband represent true romance in marriage. How sweet it was reading your comment.
dinich i agree with you.beauty by itself won’t do you any good if you do not have a good heart .those beautiful women who are misrable are may be that they solely use their beauty with no personality,what i am saying beauty helps but not by itself .i have met beautiful ugly women and it’s not pretty.
Biskut
Never light a candle for a man again. In my view it is the man who has to do everything. THat is it. I never do those things. I expect it to be done for me when i come at night or somehting. My guy does those things when i go to take shower at night. I come back form the shower and our room is dark with candles. But sweetie I don’t consider it romance. I think that is his job. It is his obligation for me. But if he one day works hard and buys me diamond ring then i would know he worked hard for the romance. Next time have the man do everything. Never do anything for a man romantically. Thanks.
celebratelife , i do not know why you connecting me with teddy ,he sounds harsh talk to him not me .peace
[quote comment="62255"]celebratelife , i do not know why you connecting me with teddy ,he sounds harsh talk to not me .peace[/quote]
Give it up Tigist/Teddy I knew you’d deny it but next time don’t make the same comment from the same location and that may avoid this multiple personality disorder.
Yeah and “whatever” to your follow up comment about being unprofessional. Get over yourself and be honest. You don’t have to use different nicks to come at me.
I honestly do not know what talking about ,I actually found out about this blog from friends last night ,wow I find it very hostile with your comments you accusing me ,this is very unprofesional.
I hope you ladies know if your man is doing this and that for you only because you have a cute face and nice body… don’t get to used to it, cause the end-game is approaching. You turn 30 and inch towards 40, your cute face and firm ass vanishes… and dont bother the next guy with your depression. He aint trying to hear that.
Your man, however, will age like a good wine, he gets better ladies…
but isnt this settling for anything he offers because he doesnt know better? now i see ethio men are very caring…yes they open doors and never let you pay for a meal(except for nolawi who definately will make you pay)…
Mamitu - Amen to your husband and men like him!
Having SUBSTANCE wrapped in the beautiful body you speak of is all but mucho importante 
tigist - I would love to hear your take on the matter few years from now when your boobs travel down south, your mekemecha is sagging and you need an iron to unwrinkle those lines of aging
EYERu - Something tells me you are trying to get a rise out of pple. But no doubt there are those who shares your view and trust me it is that self entitlement that turns many men off from treating their woman in any special way.
Celeb - Girl I love candles and Etan minamin (I don’t know if the memory attached to it is due to the bekteksiyan sinasel etan minamin or just the memory of the amet beAls but i love it). But don’t hate it when you light a candle and people be turning on the light anyways? It pisses the baby Buddha outta me, i mean for God sake where is the logic in that? Why do I have the freaking candle lit if you are going to turn the damn switch on anyways??? Mts
Nice article. I especially love being creative and of course it fulfilling when the other person likes it.
sbs biskut….sbs!!!
celeb–
youre contridicting yourself no?
ok im just really trying to understand here. isnt the issue that some males are romantic and others are not rather than this being a special case of unfamiliar territory for ethipian men?
so should i hold my ethio guy to the same standards as other guys or am i supposed to make an exception because he didnt see his parents being romantic growing up?!??!!!??
Where exactly am I contradicting myself? It is a fact if they give, give and one day they receive they will be shocked and may not know how to express their feelings.
No two men are alike just like no two women will ever be alike so it’s true some men will be more romantic whereas others won’t. Also I’m not setting in stone Ethio men don’t know about romance but most have this misconception that if he’s not buying her diamonds and pearls then it’s not romance. While all along the simple gesture he makes is romance.
You see your men on an individual basis but for me and my relationships with Ethio men have been a little more deeper then with non Ethio men.
Let me ask you a question Meronye, I’ve noticed you’re really focusing on what the men should be doing for the women. Don’t you think you can show him the ways of romancing you? I say this because you ask if you should be holding him to the same standard as other guys. So lead by example show him the way and be realistic in the process.
[quote comment="62252"]Biskut
Never light a candle for a man again. In my view it is the man who has to do everything. THat is it. I never do those things. I expect it to be done for me when i come at night or somehting. My guy does those things when i go to take shower at night. I come back form the shower and our room is dark with candles. But sweetie I don’t consider it romance. I think that is his job. It is his obligation for me. But if he one day works hard and buys me diamond ring then i would know he worked hard for the romance. Next time have the man do everything. Never do anything for a man romantically. Thanks.[/quote]
EYERu,
? let her light up the candle for her man if she wants to. just cuz your man is p-whipped (kiddin 
)and does it for you, does not mean all have to do it. seriously, i am not saying men should not do it. i think either one can.
why are you trying to ‘brainwash’ biskut….
Money he spent for dinner at my favorite thai restaurant
=$135 dollars
Money he spent on a bottle of wine at the new Lebanese place (which, BTW, seems to over charge for everything just because they have private parking) =85 dollars
Money I spent on dessert at ChikaLicious=12 dollars
Money I spent preparing for the above expensive night (which happened to be my B. day)=85 dollars
Money we will both spend working off the calories gained
= 45dollars/month
The way he rushed to my side and lovingly and patiently picked me up when life beat me down =priceless
For every day courting expenses there is MasterCard- Romance comes for FREE!!!
(corny? maybe. but true)
[quote comment="62124"] i wanted to surprise him with a candle light dinner and turned the light off and lighted some scented candles .As soon as he walked in he asked me if that day was “mikael”. Zare mikael new ende alegne elachuhalew .I love st micheal and our local church is mikael .That is a lame excuse .I know some of you will Call him fara or whatever .I have learned to accept him as he is.[/quote]
LOL this is the funniets comment. Have you considered comedy?
ditto chala..thats the funniest shit i ever hear..mikael new alegn..hahaha
Well, it’s good that you have the audacity to call yourself HOT! I’ll give you a standing ovation for that. But, let me tell you something “Mrs. HOT”, I don’t know where you’re coming from, but in my experience the only guys the “hot curvy girls” get attention from are the guys just looking for an easy lay.
In this day and age, “real men” look more than just your “ass-ets”. Of course, looks and a nice body are very flattering…don’t get me wrong. If I just saw you walking down the street I might take a double-glance and think you’re hot. But guess what, it’s not about looks as much as it is about personality. If you are aspiring for a modeling gig, your body will definitely get you to the audition stage. And if you’ve got it like JeLo, it can even get you $250k just for a bikini pose on Stuff magazine. But if you are looking for a real man, someone who is caring, loving and who will treat you like a princess, you need to bring more than that to the table girl! Your look can only get you through the door, but your mind keeps you inside…
an oh the romance thing..get with the age people..poetry, flowers, slow-dance, wine..out the window. its all about lyrics, tatoos, grinding and shots. update yourselves. speaking of updates..eyeru slavery was abolished a while ago…
Eyeru
That is your take on what romance is about .Good for you!
tigist
I think you underestimate yourself.Search deeper ! I am sure you have a lot to offer than just good looks and “Hot” body.Your little grey cells between your ears are great assets too you know.
In my experience, people who talk about their “hotness” on a regular basis is because they don’t hear it from anywhere else. Let Tigist be. As the great Conficius says “Modesty is the citadel of beauty”.
Tigist
You are right on the hottnes issue. Of course Hotness is what the men look at to see what kind of romantic stuff they do for you. Not only that but being hot gets all door in life to open for you. You work hard but be you get more chances. That is a fact of life.
…to me, the whole concept of “romance” is nothing but a capitalist theme imposed by the western world to try and keep us feeling like humans, while our actions and lives suggest other wise…the minute we start to define romance through the eyes of the western world, we lose total sight of the big picture, LOVE…
Good point Celeb. Romance is nothing a product of an effort two people make to further strengthen their relationship that has already been established. Attraction comes in first, relationship follows and romance comes in later.
“an oh the romance thing..get with the age people..poetry, flowers, slow-dance, wine..out the window. its all about lyrics, tatoos, grinding and shots. update yourselves…” im down wiz alibaba’s thought lol
Oh it is refreshing to see the liberals trying to make peace with themselves. The fact the matter is we Ethiopian guys(most) are cruel and arrogant. I say this because that is what we are. When it comes to romance, we are in my opinion the most unromantic people in the world. We beat our women to death, we disrespect them every single day of their life, we are jealous all the time because of our insecurity. we love our HOD too much. We don’t like to go down town but we expect them to do it without even telling them…meaning our expectation is not realistic. The list could go on. The bottom line is we are not romantic what so ever.However, I believe our parents, regardless of their backwardness, were much better romantic people than we are today. I bet at your age your parents were much happier than you are now. So Celib have a grip of reality beside attempting to be unrealistically positive.( Yene Emmebet I still love you ishie…hode, yene feker deweylegine….
Gudu, gudegna neh so you say,
Then you go on with
What do you think caused the romance switch to be turned off in our generation…when we saw the romance for our parents wasn’t working? lol
But according to your definition of having “a grip on reality” will get my ass beat to death by a man and disrespected for life for my existence. So no thank you I like my “unrealistically positive” (as you say it) world cause in my reality I get a lot of respect and no I’ve never been physically harmed.
Btw where are your type of folk residing at I wanna make sure I avoid it at any cost because life is too short to live without romance
The only part of what you said I totally love is
Cause arrogance is good and it’s actually attractive. Also, it never killed anyone.
celebratelife
Yene Feker, Yene Gela, Yene Hode, yene Emebet, Yene Estenfase, Yene Alem….
I am sure you probably be one of the very few lucky, educated woman who often run into people who got some brains, people who are courteous, kind and caring. I could say people like myself. So for that simple reason you might not have encountered those horrible horrors that our women go through on a daily basis.
Her name is Kidst, A girl I was dating few month ago, her older sister is married and she simply lives in hell. When you hear all the physical, mental and psychological abuses that poor women goes through, you wanna shoot the mf and let her free. I know for an outsider, it is easy to say why don’t she just pack and move out. I even myself said that so many times. But there are kids involved, being finically dependent etc that pulls her back….I mean there are so many reasons. You might argue that is common as well in other communities. Which I can’t disagree but the number of women who are abused in our community is not just comparable. We are simply not passionate. We are not romantic. Kidest’s cousin and her friends also go through the same types of treatment. Their bf don’t even call them by their first name. They call them Anchi!! Semi!!!…with that ‘i am in power’ kind of tone.
Our parents were happier because most of them sort of lived a simple life. That doesn’t necessarily mean women weren’t abused then. In their time, there was love. A strong love that sort of bonded them well. Mostly the man was the the house hold figure and women accepted that. Without them realizing it often, they were romantic to each other. Today on the other hand, Thanks to TV and the internet, there are lot of things that you put your eyes on. Beside having different reason for our lack of commitments and true love, we are not just romantic what so ever…there might be so many reasons for that too…I am not interested in knowing them either…the point is we are not romantic… by the way that doesn’t mean every single habesha guy is like kidist sis husband…which I am sure you know that…I for example tend to be a kind of guy that every woman dreams of…and that is a world class big fat lie… but seriously if its gonna take for me to come out and tell you how unromantic man I am, so be it!…then I a telling you that…the question now should be what can we do to be romantic to each other… beside going down town that is of course…men I hate don that…that is not an abesha thing…but tell me anythn else I can try…or willn to try…
esti neye Tega beye…anchiene eko newe…Tegebaye…Mene telaleche yeche…
Gudu, you left out yene konjo but you can add that on the next comment. lol
I beg to differ other communities out number us, like the Nigerian community but this is not a contest for the Olympics. First of all I don’t walk around sporting rose colored glasses. I have seen my share of the cruelty this world dishes out everyday. Some abused women are affected beyond the physical abuse. They start thinking that it is happening for their best interest. They become dependent on that abuse. I’m not a psychologist but that’s what I’ve learned after one incident.
A woman who believed her husband couldn’t survive without her after enduring years of abuse. He kicked her out of the house. Her sister took her in and about two weeks later she begged him to take her back. He took her and beat her beyond recognition and she didn’t wanna go to the hospital out of fear he’ll get in trouble. I’m not saying this is how every abused woman feels but the abuse is beyond the small discussion we can have on Bernos. Why they stick around is not always about the finance and the kids.
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” No abused person is gonna make a change to their life until they have accepted their situation, for what it is, and is ready to change it.
Believe you me one of the things in this world that upsets me is to see or hear about abuse in any form. Btw men also get abused by their girlfriends/wives but because he’s “a man” he’s ashamed to admit it.
So No Mr Gudu, I don’t live in lala land, I live in the same reality that you do but I’d rather spread peace and love and work on fixing all that’s wrong in the process. There is enough hate being plastered and preached all up in this world and that’s draining after a while. So I smile and put a click in my heel and face this battle we call life and hope to lend a hand to someone in need. In the process I will light a candle or two.
Check out the UN Statistics on Ethiopia. It said we are #1 abused women in Africa. Where did you get your stats from about Nigeria? On Ethiopia issue it said over 90% are abused. Abuse meaning beatings for not cooking meals on time when the husband comes home, for talking to other men, for speaking up your opinion. The list goes on and on. If over 90% are abused then I don’t know the minorty 20% who are enjoying Ethio-romance. Seems they have neglected the majority of Abused women. Peace.
10%
Eyeru, Nope my stat is not from the UN I had read it else where and the numbers were higher for Nigeria. I’ll try to find the source but of course the UN has the last word.
I will continue to be romantic and spread the word of romance. No one has to be or can be forced to do the same, you can just be. Whatever is your comfort zone.
[quote comment="62839"]Eyeru, Nope my stat is not from the UN I had read it else where and the numbers were higher for Nigeria. I’ll try to find the source but of course the UN has the last word.
I will continue to be romantic and spread the word of romance. No one has to be or can be forced to do the same, you can just be. Whatever is your comfort zone.[/quote]
First of all thank you Eyru for correcting my sunshine.
Secondly, Celebratelife, No need of shifting your self into a defensive mode. If you are not willing to entertain us with your eloquent ideas, I probably won’t be responding. So we need you on the table. You can correct me if I am wrong but you are claiming how Ethiopian men are romantic as opposed to what is believed to be. The numbers however says otherwise. We abuse our women and that is a shame. As an educated, peace loving, beautiful woman, I expect you to stand up against abusers. More specifically Ethiopian men who selfishly abuse their women whether it is deliberately or not. “Abuse is not romance”
When you start doing that then I know as you don’t live in lala land. I have said this before. It is always good to be positive. As you pointed out, specially these days we have so much negative energy flowing through us.Today there aren’t much good things that you can talk about Ethiopia and/or Ethiopians. We obviously can’t change everything automatically but as citizens of Ethiopia, we somehow have responsibility to try to change the situation. Whether we will be successful or not is another thing. Nevertheless, realistically putting the facts together and trying to show the positive aspect of our life is a humble thing to do to say the least. In my opinion I believe that is what you are trying to do which is a good thing but I still want you to be realistic on the ‘positive aspect of our life’ when you decided to bring one.
Yene Feker I gor get some sleep ene MAKE SURE YOU wake me Up tomorrow and I want BULLa for Breafast..easy on the kebe in my coffee ishie…Don’t forget to pack my lunch and after work I want you to cook me Ye BEG Wet so make sure you grap some YE Beg Sega before you come home and oh yea I almost forgot, monday night football,,,I need you to get me a pack of Stella too…
love you baby…am learning to be romantic
Cheers
Forgive me if I sound so sheltered or ‘out of touch with reality’ but I was never under the impression we got the #1 abusive men in the whole entire nation. I was never in the know of this fact be it when I lived back home or here. Gudu’s blatant assertion of…
is quite fascinating to me. Gudu are you basing the statistics on two or more of Kidist’s circle, or is there a factual number out there that states that Ethiopia harbors many men who abuses and beat their women to death? Please understand that I am not getting patriotic or sensitive, it sincerely is news to me, i.e. Abesha men being the cruelest, abusive and arrogant. You have to admit that is quite a generalization of a large portion of the population.
Gudu, ok so, in other words, according to the stats you say 90% are abused and 10% are not. I cannot find a solution for abolishing abuse, at this time, but I can celebrate the 10% who choose to live a different way of life.
You want me to acknowledge there is abuse but I never denied it.
What is it that you want from me an apology because that is not gonna happen in my life time. I will not apologize for being positive. If you’re looking for me to change, retract, or add a disclaimer it’s also not gonna happen so you tell me otherwise what it is that you’re looking to accomplish other than abolishing any form of positive action among Ethiopians.
Also if you think I’m being defensive then good for you. You still owe me “yene konjo” and this is my non romantic side talking.
Oh, my, that sounds horrible, Gudu. When we witness an abused women, we have a responsibility to get them some help. So many institutions around the nation that are very open to help and re-construct the abused women’s life with or with out kids. Lots of funding available because it is the world’s problem. Finance won’t be an issue. Actually, she will be much better off, financially, with out him. Especially, when children are involved, it is sad to stay.
Celebrate
U shocked me this time with ur admition of only focusing on the fortunate few Ethiopian women. But they are less than 10%. This is dangerous to our future as people. It is not okay to not condem the abuse of over 90% of Ethiopian w