I feel defining your relationship and your mutual decision to be or not to be exclusive is very important. Many couples spend time dating but never discuss the point they’ve crossed from just seeing each other to being committed. Exclusivity doesn’t apply to every relationship but having “the talk” should.
I’ve heard some people say, “if you’re dating and you’ve passed the initial sexual moment and you’ve been seen in public together then you’re exclusive” Well I beg to differ. What happens if one decides to date someone else and the other had expectations of a future together? Isn’t it easier to just talk about it? Exhibit A: So one guy tells me “she was fun, exciting then she dropped the ball about getting a key to my place” I asked “what was your answer?” he said, “well I never knew we were serious.” This is after about 9 months of dating. Avoid the misunderstanding and the gray areas and stop assuming what you want or think is what your partner does as well.
Sex vs Exclusivity
You can have sex, twice a day, everyday for the next 365 days but unless you have talked about it and agreed to be exclusive, you may just be a booty call. When you see him with someone else you can’t get pissed because he is not your bf. Sleeping together is not a ticket to a committed relationship it just means you’re sleeping together.
If he opens up to you and tells you his childhood and family stories that is also not a sign you’re exclusive it just means he likes to talk and feels comfortable telling you.
If you’re just dating and he starts leaving his stuff at your house that also doesn’t mean you’re exclusive it just means he is messy or lazy.
If he calls you every weekend to go out and you say yes that still doesn’t mean you’re exclusive it just means you enjoy each other’s company.
How about asking, “are you seeing anyone else, if no, then I really want us to be exclusive” That’s not what I would say but just as an example. Let’s talk about ‘us’ moment is the most romantic moment you can spend together. Him telling you what he likes most about you and you doing the same. Discussing not to be exclusive is also ok just as long as you’re both on the same page, you avoid disappointment.
I remember when I was in elementary school this little boy in my class asked me, “will you go with me?” I said “where?” he was embarrassed and said, “no I mean will you be my girlfriend?” of course my reply was “ewwww no way” I never forgot that moment and later realized even that little boy knew the importance of talking about “us.”
So baby can we talk for a minute?
Published by July 2nd, 2007 in Advice and Dating.Send this post to a friend
Aye the 21 century… call me conservative.. gin I thought the sleeping part is exclusive right….
If I am sleeping with a person I would want the sleeping part to be exclusive… meaning even if we didn’t talk about being exclusive… aydel….
Also these days, I am meeting more and more people that want to define the relationship at the beginning… so are we talking, or dating or are we just sleeping with eachother… or are we testing the water… we are just hanging out…. etc..
yes the talk is important… but lets not push labels after the first date… nuew yemeleuw
Aye indeed Nolawi..
So this thing is now like shaking hands ehh??… Call me old fashioned but this is just a little too much.
You know what….. the whole point of talking is to avoid misunderstanding. And if it is known that the ‘relationship’ is at the ‘booty call’ stage, why all the expectations.
But what gets to me is when you start to miss your booty call. When you feel like you want to talk to her….NOW. And keep in mind we are all human beings…. we tend to get used to what we have. Emotions kick in when least expected………… weyne….. yane new …….. booty call.
sure celeb, when? hehe
It sure sounds like a new generation thing and I am sure more applicable to people who did their growing up in ferenj hager. It’s not easy to talk about going exclusive. I mean you are also taking a risk breaking up with someone who you like.
If you are going out with somebody and sleeping on a regular basis, it’s natural to assume you are exclusive. If you have any reason to suspect otherwise and you want to be exclusive I suppose you need to have the talk or risk disappointment.
As for the nine month relationship, she wants to get his keys maybe pushing it and his ‘I never knew we were serious’ is also too much. At least he could’ve said let’s talk about where we want to go.
labels are good in relationships. it’s healthy. be it a booty call, friends with benefits, or an exclusive relationship. you avoid the confusion/misunderstanding and the ambiguity. hence the need for “the talk”.
nice post…..agree on the ‘talk’ aleza confusion b’confusion.
It is not good to assume anything in a relationship. It is important to discuss where your relationship is and where it is heading. If only, the “talk” guaranteed your exclusive significant other will always stay exclusive….
[quote comment="58495"]sure celeb,As for the nine month relationship, she wants to get his keys maybe pushing it and his ‘I never knew we were serious’ is also too much. At least he could’ve said let’s talk about where we want to go.[/quote]
I srongly agree to this. Nine monts of …… and not thinking you were serious doesnt make sense. It is Just a waste of his and her time. But then again I think to myslef, Do they really need to talk about it?? I mean you are sleeping with a girl, you see eachother quite often, and share your thoughts. Shouldn’t he/she be able to tell or atleast see where it (the r.ship) stands?
inkuan without the ‘talk’, even with the ‘talk’im exclusivenett mAregAgeT altechAlem these days.
SBBS Wud…i think people will do whatever they want regardless of the talk. but talking and having a clear understanding gives you the right to get pissed off…
I agree that discussion is important. But in this case it seems all strange to me. I would have thought that you would need to discuss it if one/both felt they needed non-exclusivity. But to take non-exclusivity as granted, and needing to discuss being exclusive just turns the whole thing on its head. I understand exclusivity to be implicit in a relationship not the other way around (sure like most norms, this may change too, but I don’t think we are there yet, or are we?).
Whether he just wants to ‘get to know’ or ‘test the water’…when the relationship extends to physical intimacy, I definitely demand exclusiveness. I am very territorial so I don’t like to share my sippy cup with anyone else, if you know what a’mean
Call me prude but I wouldn’t go that far with someone who I think “the talk” is a necessary foundation to lay out so that he keeps his wanker in one place. That’s just me.
People no pun intended 
I could however though imagine the dialogue… “hey, sima bakih, are we just fucking woys mindnew yene ena yante neger? I want to be the only chin (tigh) that big head of yours shoudl be resting”
Nolawi if a girl wants to slap the commitment word on you on the first date then run like a bat outta hell. Once the relationship has matured, with the talk you can filter out the Ethiofused from the rest lol.
Sewyew, how do you know she’s also thinking you’re in the booty call stage unless you’ve talked about it?
Mamitu /Abi, I’d rather know he’s not on the same page and cut my ties then to live like all is hanky dory then one day it happens - the heart break because oh my I thought all along…..nahhh I’ll talk instead.
Beshou, min largish sista. I cheer to your comment. rah, rah!
Hewe, confusion b’confusion indeed then follows more confusion.
Kiki/Wude, Even a marriage certificate doesn’t guarantee he/she will stay but at least by talking you’ll be holding up your part of the bargain and if it ends you shouldn’t regret anything.
Meron, hahaha you should have the right to get pissed off if you don’t have the talk.
Temari, Whether you choose to be or not to be exclusive you still need to have “the talk”
YekeyDama, your humor is like no other. oh my god I just wanna die laughing. Girl you is crazy and Amen to your comment. Ohhhh you make me wanna do the “let’s talk” dance. I think you need to have a seminar on how to keep it real when you’re having “the talk”
This is the problem with Abisha girls!! They all think with their Dahbo and not with their heads. Just because you’re sleeping with him what makes you think you have to be “exclusive”? If you want to be “exclusive”, it’s simple don’t give him the Dahbo, otherwise Bihlto, melkam guzo yehhun-ehlesh.
hey eyob ,why is this subject only applicable to only’abisha girls’………on contrary i think men think with their dahbo or beso …please get real.
lol Meron. Very true. how very very true.
[quote comment="58713"]lol Meron. Very true. how very very true.[/quote]
the only thing is that meron didn’t write this
what the article or the comment? i was referring to her comment.
as the great saying goes, “assumptions are the mother of all *uck ups”.
abesha men do not like being treated like sex objects, so you must let them believe that they are more than just yetikim gwad. they want the woman to be thinking everything is leading to marriage while they get to screw around. no more my poor brothers, those days ended with the fall of the berlin wall (i don’t know where that came from, but you get the point).
ladies, if you must tell a man you are only using him for his tikima tikim, expect the reverse to happen. he may instead fall deeply and obsessively in love with you. warning: do not attempt to use reverse psychology to your benefit.
men have become more sensitive these days. all this being in touch with their emotions, they can’t handle things like friends with benefits when the subject is brought up by the woman first. ladies, if you must please expect the waterworks. sissies.
yes, i’m still going. it is not ferenjinet of lijinet to tell someone what you really want. but then again, you can always just say nothing and like most abesha relationships date for 12 years, be engaged for another 10 and then get married to someone else.
fin
Another Ethiopian blog website http://www.EthioCity.com It seems mostly news related
Lol emebet, menew menew now you are complaining that men are too sissy because they do not want to be considered a boy toy….
“Friends with benefits”=bataKoyegin. Plain and simple.
Yesew business mewsed deg aydelem, seretew yeblubet…stick with guwadegnet and pick up your American Express, dat iz wat I say 
As far as I am concerned it says “you are not good enough, but you shall do for now until…” and I for one don’t like to be second best to anything. Mind you I respect those who are fine with such arrangements…am just sayin it ain’t my cup of tea. Why bother mixing friendship with booty call? That is why jigglos and ho hos are there for
emebet, kes bey. If you tell a man that you’re using for, “tikima tikim” reasons only he would be more then happy, I know I would. Because this will make my standpoint very clear with her. So for short term or long I will try to enjoy the ride. And then when the right thing comes, I would move on with no regrets.
However, if you tell an Abesha, girl that you’re only interested in “tikima tikim” there is no way she would accept it. Unless she is a shärmuT’a (sorry for using this phrase). However with non Abesha girls its very easy- to have fun and move on…..I don’t know why its like this? Abesah girls in the west are just too heavy, wow.
In this day and age where promiscuity carries with it a death sentence, why do you feel we should resort to the mindset of the seventies and “hippy” it up like the folks at Woodstock?
I feel it is tantamount to know for a fact that once you have dated someone for a few weeks and have had sex with him, that means he just put his John Hancock on the relationship deal. (no pun intended!)
The sex just sealed the deal with a fifteen day guarantee that he can cancel any further obligation from the relationship. But he needs to know that once he has had sex with said woman, his fifteen day clock has started clicking and he best decide on how to deal with taking care of his woman in a way that deems fit for the person he is dating to be in a committed relationship with him.
I see it pertinent for every man, woman and child in a relationship albeit sexual or not to follow this doctrine so that man would know that this is not the time for ‘giCHew inna fiCHew” aka hit and run situation once you have started dating a woman more than three times within a span of two weeks.
If the need is a “gif”(short for giCHew inna fiCHew), then address your situation on the first or second date. Communicate properly that you have done what needs to be done to get into her pants by feeding her and wining her and entertaining her that proper amount of time and money to get into her pants and run away. If she complies, then go with it. If she doesn’t comply, then go for a third date and try and make the relationship last.
I hope one day people would follow my doctrine and we will make Abesha population aids free by the year 2010 (be’abesha aqoTaTer)
Nolawit.
Celeb, I’m with ya. I like to talk cause we both should be on the same page as to what we expect from each other. If it is just booty call, FINE, no expectations. However, as bf/gf feelings and emotions are involved, and there will be expectations from both sides.
Therefore, talking is imperative to avoid misunderstandings and confusions from the start so that no one gets hurt.
Nolawit, you sound serious…please chill. you make it sound like all guys are only interested to get into a girls pants [your words "get into her pants..."]. did you ever think that the opposite could be true too…? there are some girls who would go to great length to get into a guy’s pants also
Yekey Dama,
you are so hilarious. i love your quips and the way you put things….. i am new here on this blog, but am already a fan.
Nolawit,
Do you also make them sign a pre-sex agreement, something like a pre-nup or you give out one free sex?
How about between the first sex and the next fifteen days, is that a sex free zone?
BTW - do you have a count down clock to show the guy how many days he has left to make a decision when they come to see you? I can imagine the sweating they go through.
I think you should write a book with those rules. With the deadline 10 short years away, you might wanna crank out that baby soon.
[quote comment="59153"]Nolawit,
Do you also make them sign a pre-sex agreement, something like a pre-nup or you give out one free sex?
[/quote]
Wouldn’t that be the best communication ever?? Something that is in paper that you can actually scrutinize with your friends or lawyers and still get something tangible out of?
[quote comment="59153"]
How about between the first sex and the next fifteen days, is that a sex free zone?
[/quote]
No, that is the allocated time for the man to reacquaint himself with the situation and decide his moves so as to either move forward with the relationship and be serious, thus garnering him more sex or just be a latent ‘fuzo’ and just hone in about the sex and get nothing but the red card at the end of the day.
[quote comment="59153"]
BTW - do you have a count down clock to show the guy how many days he has left to make a decision when they come to see you? I can imagine the sweating they go through.[/quote]
in order to make the situation not that confusing for the man, as he is a simpleton, I suggest giving him sex on the first or the fifteenth of the month and tell him that he has until either the fifteenth or the thirtieth, respectively, to make the right moves and decisions.
[quote comment="59153"]I think you should write a book with those rules. With the deadline 10 short years away, you might wanna crank out that baby soon.
[/quote]
I will sweety. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
[quote comment="59146"]Nolawit, you sound serious…please chill. you make it sound like all guys are only interested to get into a girls pants [your words "get into her pants..."]. did you ever think that the opposite could be true too…? there are some girls who would go to great length to get into a guy’s pants also
[/quote]
I am glad that I got your attention with my remark. I hope you print it and forward it to all your friends so they would learn a good lesson. And ladies, please copy and forward it to all your friends if you want to save them from the wrath of men.
And to answer your question sweety, almost all guys can be categorized into this statement or ideology that I presented earlier but there will always be those that will “mafengeT” from the general formula as science is not universally true.
As for the females that want to get into mens pants, I have something being processed. I am collecting enough data and I will present it soon along with a solution.
and yes, I love yekey dama’s wit and quip. Maybe we should butt heads and write this book I am thinking about.
just curious as to why you are using the female version of nolawi, is your real name nolawit…..
Nolawi/Nolawit, FIRFIRRRR. there is a misconception here that having a friend with benefits means that you are a lady of the night (or shermuta according to Eyob). i am by no means condoning having sex with several partners, all i’m saying is that it is ok for you to have sex with someone without being madly in love with them. the least you could be is good friends. don’t argue the love/sex thing. many of us wouldn’t be alive today if our grandparents who didn’t know eachother let alone love eachother didn’t do the nasty.
[quote comment="59177"] I hope you print it and forward it to all your friends so they would learn a good lesson. And ladies, please copy and forward it to all your friends if you want to save them from the wrath of men.[/quote]
]
nolawit,
do i sense some hostility ….? i think you sound bitter and a bit harsh towards guys. i am not quite sure of your intentions, but harboring that kind of hostility aint cool. i am not saying we are all angels (i don’t think girls are either), but try to be nice eshi
Celeb: entertaining, but provocative in deed and engaging. nice work homey
Yekey Dama: you just brought the thrilled animal outta me. i sync up with your posts of #12 & #22 , especially #22. Good insight, analysis and standpoint.
My question to you & Ladies is though this: who is faulty here?
Let me take it even further. I, as a man, accept and admit that we men are DOGs, that is, DOGS with a Lisan that breeds and spits words (not just sounds). If that is what it is, One thing must be known, i.e. DOGS are variety. Have you seen the DOGS in our Addis or anywhere in the developing nations?
Some are loyal and dignified, and some are cruel and astray ones like the stars in the bright Night dark sky, and some are like the sunny day unseen stars .
Some dogs don’t even come home while they have one. Bemeshebachew madder. Some very loyal…they even fight and die for you and even spend sleepless nights in the cold keremt season chasing away that erkus ye’keremt Leba…
If these are facts… and we, men, are no different, than our counterpart, lisan-alba Dogs, then the next question to Ladies is:
Who is at fault? Do you Ladies know a loyal, deceptive DOG when you see one? Even if you find it difficult to detect it right away, who twists your arm, to NOT take your time to let him mount the –let us get to know- common platform, so you can X-ray us from every possible quadrant before handing out the key of that dignity?
The common-denominator is now right there, accessible. So why not use it. And so, Who deny you the analyzing, the hypothesizing, the snoop-around, the inquisition, the detective work… all that? But who?
After all, we are talking about your dignity, a dignity that society has etched it into your mind that yours is something special and is valued differently. That is in deed a special privilege if society is in deed honest about what it says and does. Wouldn’t it? But, reality and women (in abundance) themselves treat it awkwardly.
I am a man and a DOG, if that is not how I am created and then that is how society nurtured me.
So, I, as a DOG (whether loyal or deceitful for the Lady to figure out) within the -perimeter of my conscious (whether good or bad depends on how i am wired)- will do anything in my power, will play any card in my hand, will throw in any dart in my thumb, to first
-knock that door so I find that mutual fountain that a lady carries
-Gently, Gradually, open the door if i hear no sound or objection, .. ere sew ale ..
-then the next step …wide open …
to wrap up: so, I like, what you said…about “territorial” . If that is how you are ..darn… God bless you.
It is awesome when a woman is mindful & territorizes her dignity and seeks only her DOG that she has the same denominator in life..so there is no point whining on the end-result. We are wired the way we are. That simple.
BTW, FYI, Ladies, we, men, have dignity as well. So, not all let be a dirt by the bank of a river. Not a wise thing to put us all in one basket. Just like you women, there are DOGS who seek what you seek and even beyond. So, throw your compass where it clicks.
If we are dogs, and eventually, you end up associating or giving in to a dog’s demand w/o identifying the one, then what are you by extension? Really!?
emebet, I agree with eyob…if you tell most men, whether Abesha or not, you only want sex they will think they died and went to heaven. If I may add some women, if told by a man, may react the same way.
Nolawit, you are further complicating relationships you can’t be handling the situation as if you’re doing a countdown? You are funny though and I know you’re serious. Btw are you an accountant? Also so women apply the rules on men then, if I may ask, what rules apply to women? Does she at least get the other 15 days to play a little her way?
Please share some more of your rules.
Abi, lol on the prenup for the pre-sex agreement.
MWC, I personally don’t like the “men are dogs” statement as I have never agreed to it. Men are different from women and each gender has its own unique qualities.
No one is at fault. Everything is good and dandy when men and women get along but one side gets hurt and all the labeling and bashing begins.
I’m telling and I will swear by it the talk really works.
Celeb,
while i stand by my comment as is, with the exception of the word choice “DOG” ..i meant to say characteristically…i guess i should have been more careful….i meant no disrespect or offense to you or all the readers. YiQertawen engdi folks…. kelib!
~cheers~
MWC, I didn’t mean it as in I was offended I just don’t like that phrase but I knew where you were going with it. It’s just that a lot of people use it loosely and I think it’s kinda unfair. I’m glad you stood behind your comment as you should.
Nolawit…hmm bipolar? As in Nolawi in Kemis?:-)(hey don’t knock it, you iron thoes locks of his and slap a MAYBELLINE ™ and shegaw would be geday as set as he is as a man
). So Nolawit, newe weyis a disciple, a pupil? Either way, ta ta setiy esat lay endale telba betam asferashigne 
So I am not sure I want to “butt heads” with you and get into publishing altercation 
I am sure the men would enjoy two boobs slappin but my triple Ds are overworked at the moment 
MindWithOutC… just when I think I got you then I lose you, and then bingo I get you. I wonder if the C in your nick stands for ‘Compass’…suffice to say yeEnen compass astefahegin ena kinberbren awetahew
But I think in the end it appears that you and I are indeed in sync, it is just a matter of semantics & personal touches. I will however clarify certain aspects…
First things are first, I don’t think at any point were we (at least from my stand point) ‘faulting’ anyone. We were merely discussing what tickles our fancy i.e. what our preferences are in regards to how to tackle the mazes of relationships and all that it entails. Secondly, I got a tiny, winy problem with the frame of reference “DOGS”… I for one don’t equate men with Dogs & vise versa (I don’t know who would be insulted/honored [depending on how you look at it], the dog or the man :-)) but I simply don’t swap one for the other. Since I don’t see you barking…
So now that we got the ‘dog’ out of the way 
let me address some of your remarks.
Come on now Mindye, we are way past that time where the hymen is the ‘no man land’
not to mention rather chunky (to my dismay 
On the real, you darn right my “dignity” is something special as yours is, alezama we are just talking about holes and poles (varying in sizes, width and girth). That will be way too objectifying now would it not??? And for the record my “dignity” is not exclusively governed by the standards of the society but that of my own self love, respect, need and the expectation I place on my self and my counter part. What set yeEnen Dabo apart from the next gaping hole is Me, the proud owner, as a whole entity. And I, as a whole entity, don’t like the arrangement of ‘friends with benefit’ because I like to have my cake and eat it too (not to mention the territory issue mentioned earlier :)). This btw reminded me of a Friend’s episode where Joey was set up for a blind date with a beauty so they go out to dine… they order their respective choices…food arrives and the gal dares to reach into Joey’s fries hole and nibble on few and he was betam bothered to the point he didn’t even want to contemplate a second date but he decides otherwise and comes up with a plan so the next time they go out he orders a big ole fries for her as well…this time the gal still dips into his food to taste what he ordered. That was it! He tells his friends no more dating her and when they asked him why he screams in frustration “I don’t like to share my fries!”. I guess I am like Joey, but much more busty & leggy
So if you (as a man) are among the “dogs” who treats me as a mere gaping hole, then my darling I wouldn’t let your pole dig a well in my bayou
Let us not make it as though abesha women are treating their “dignity” as Yebirkye Arawit just because they don’t mechercher it beSemuni like yegulit dinich. Each person, this goes both for men & women, approaches sex, relationships and life as a whole, independently and to their own liking. Just because Titi doesn’t subscribe to ‘no strings attached’ booty calls as Mimi does, it doesn’t make Titi prude or conceited or besexualitiwa wedefit yalzemeteche. It just means Titi might prefer more meat on her bone, metaphorically speaking. By the same token it doesn’t make Mimi aGaSes just because she doesn’t want to restrict her protein sources:-) The only thing I would add in regards to the later choice is that one must keep in mind to handle the meat per FDA’s approval, dat is all 
Yene alem, I sincerely hope that your one and only quest is not to merely mechenker that wide open…
there are plenty of joy rides and roller coasters you would miss out from the journey. If your dart is aimed at the bull’s eye only, you would be like a horse with a blinder on…whose obscured visual field limits his interaction & experience with the world around him. I for one don’t see the fun in that.
My take on sex is this… Sex is a joy ride, a journey…it is an electric, beautiful combustion that out to be experienced with two consenting adults who are MINDFUL of the experience that they are about to embark on. When we simplify sex as a mere friction between a hole and a pole then we miss a great deal of point of contact, both literally and figuratively
When we merely focus on the final destination, we miss out on the scenic of the country sides. I don’t enjoy mindless sex, I like conscious sex. It is much more alive and interactive that way 
Don’t get me wrong, I am not with out the knowledge of the raw, animalistic, urgent side of sex that is impatient of any poetry…this too is as much real for women as it is for men and is just as much enjoyable. So I hope you don’t think I am telling you to make a chore out of your sexual/sensual/erotic experience by over analyzing the fuck (the humor!) out of it. The balance hangs in finding a happy medium. I will be lying if I say I have found that happy medium every time I mount or get mounted on…but I take solace in knowing I have unlimited ride pass to enjoy the slippery slops and I discovered there is as much joy in the downward spiral as there is in upward…because the ride in it self allows you to be a repeat offender with no imprisonment in sight 
All in all sex to me is a total package, so who I have it with is as just important as the act it self, perhaps the reason why I like the strings attached to it as opposed to the leta. It is much more erotic to me when I complicate the fuck out of ‘fuck’ 
Sue me.
I know you do sweety! I know so for I got me one with ‘dignity’ and one who sways & marches to similar tunes as I do. I am however entitled to ‘whine’ and complain when we are not quite megteming like kidan to its dist because I believe you can better anything and take it to levels well beyond your own comprehension if you communicate effectively & purposefully. I think that is the major malfunction in marriage hence the contributing factor to straying because the person believes that the next hole/pole have much more to give than his/her own…sadly, failing to realize that he/she can scrub, dust and shine the existing one to his/her liking.
YekeyDama-
This is a killer conclusion, very nicely put.
Nolawit. If you do decide to write a book on this is subject I recommend, you read -Letum Aynegalign- by S Gebregiziabher.
MWC, no one is at fault. As you said, we are wired the way we are!
YekeyDama, you are H I L A R I O U S!
Celeb: Thanks! you right on. The way i used it here gave a different angle that i had actually intended to. my thoughts meant to completely give a different angle than the one it is to being read from AN angle, as i see it happening from Yeke dama’s comment.
even when i read at my own comment, i realize that it in deed provides a different picture than what i had in mind. i take that as a lesson-to-learn. YiQerta..all !!
Yeke Dama: thanks for the response. you got my “C” wrong though!
Had I had in mind that my comment would have been seen, the way you have, i would have definitely avoided the word “DOG” to make sure that it doesn’t mislead readers. But, I failed the inevitable coming on that, and i take ownership of it.
but i enjoyed the flowness of your Amharic along with humor. that is entertaining. and of course admires your territorial dignity. Good for you & your man!
to wrap it up, my intention was to give you and the readers (those who complained about Abesha men in particular), the similarity between us (men) & dogs in natural characteristics & traits (in both good and bad way). as you saw, i added the good, the bad, the dignified, the undignified all in one to make the point.
However, i feel, the depth of it was overlooked. it was not about me or how i do it as an individual (but i put myself as an example), in contrast to your interpretation of it, mine was a generality of us (men), classifying us into those pool of various characteristics & nature of “dogs”. Again, good and bad.
i made my comment, definitely, semena-WerQ and it gave readers only the obvious one as it is clear from your comment. even re-reading my comment …raised the flag in me… and understand that i left it for wild interpretation. Gave myself an F+.
I’d've definitely taken you on debating on your response, nevertheless, for fear of boring readers and adding salt to injury to those offended readers, i decided to fullstop here! hope you don’t mind.
If you are not satisfied and demand, that I debate you and elaborate or challenge your drift, then let me know. 
~cheers~
[quote comment="59323"]
Nolawit. If you do decide to write a book on this is subject I recommend, you read -Letum Aynegalign- by S Gebregiziabher.[/quote]
thanks … I will. But first I have to pen my own creation before I get tainted by someone else’s writing.
[quote comment="59285"] So I am not sure I want to “butt heads” with you and get into publishing altercation
I am sure the men would enjoy two boobs slappin but my triple Ds are overworked at the moment 
[/quote]
so you mean to tell me you do not see anything tangible in what I have brought forth to this discussion forum? tey inji, jalit. lets stop for a second and start thinking with our real heads. No, not the triple D’s. Once you get over the high from the overworked action, you may see that I have brought something real to the table.
[quote]My take on sex is this… Sex is a joy ride, a journey…it is an electric, beautiful combustion that out to be experienced with two consenting adults who are MINDFUL of the experience that they are about to embark on. [/quote]
im sorry darling but in this day and age, I am all for regulating sex. And I am so in love with your FDA analogy. There should be some sort of regulatory commission that would see the outcome and outlook of sex. Sex education would be something more than pictures of what a vagina and a penis would look like. We would start teaching out young ones on how to approach women or men; when to start having sex; when to call it quits. And you might say that this will take the excitement out of having sex, that it may be a friction of a pole and a hole. Well, that may be true but dig this, once you are past the initial excruciating stages and embark in a healthy sexual relationship with someone, things will look better.
[quote] I don’t enjoy mindless sex, I like conscious sex.
[/quote]
sweety, this is the right time for conscious sex but not the kind of conscious sex you are talking about. Yours is more of a subconscious sex.
[quote comment="59231"]
Nolawit, you are further complicating relationships you can’t be handling the situation as if you’re doing a countdown? You are funny though and I know you’re serious. Btw are you an accountant? Also so women apply the rules on men then, if I may ask, what rules apply to women? Does she at least get the other 15 days to play a little her way?
Please share some more of your rules.[/quote]
what may seem as complications for you at this moment would be something smooth once you get the hang of it. don’t u feel there needs to be order in this day and age that we live in when the abesha immigrants are falling like leaves in the fall due to HIV-AIDS? would this little complication be considered that mind-boggling if it saved a life in the process? Think about it sister. The countdown part came from a dire need to structure ourselves … if something is leaning way to the right … take it all the way to the left and when you let it go, it sits right dead in the center. thats where i am heading at. And yes, its a two way street. both parties get their chance to dilly dally for two weeks and then they have to decide on which side of the fence they wanna stand on.
and no i am not an accountant. i am a bartender at a small gentlemans club and i am basing all this from the little talks i have had with my abesha customers.
you all have a nice weekend.
Between YekeyDama and Nolawit I feel like screaming…..I am woman hear me roar. You make me proud to be a woman. You stand behind your comments and words and you are confident beyond belief. You guys are amazing and individually unique.
Wow Nolawit, I totally understand where you’re coming from the reality of AIDS is not as evident if you don’t personally know someone who has been or is affected by this dreadful disease. So that I don’t digress I believe in talking about it….sex, the relationship, your feelings, expectations….it is so important. Why even think about having a relationship if you have a lot of unanswered questions leaving you to constantly question your partner’s actions or lack of?
Someone near and dear to me, a relative, has been living with HIV/AIDS for the past 7 years. Thank God he is still alive and healthy but it made it all real to me….no one is immune to it….no one, not me, not you, not him, not her. Take care of business before it takes care of you and the condom is not a way to avoid having the talk.
I myself am conscious when it comes to men and dating ever since his unfortunate situation and the countless people dying in Ethiopia and abroad as we write and discuss this issue. Not to mean I was the “loose Lucy” type prior but it always seemed like it would never happen to anyone I know. It may seem immature to think that way but I also know I’m not the only one.
So yes I am totally with you and YekeyDama with being mindful and conservative in who you have laying up next to you. Sex is more than the 5 seconds of small death we experience. You two are pretty much saying the same thing but in your own style. Two thumbs up to my sistas.
If you like him then you both get tested it’s simple he don’t want the test then he gots to find him some other simpleton who’ll fall for the “trust me I’m clean” speech.
Anyway, talk about it. I’m telling you I drive anyone I date crazy cause I talk and clear these things up so that I can enjoy my time with him.
We need you guys on the press so you can share some more of your ideas and Nolawit, since you’re a bartender I’m gonna have to ask you for a martini recipe or two, pretty please.
MWC please explain don’t stop cause you think we’ve misunderstood your point we didn’t and we enjoy your comments.
You know what….. you gotta do it coz you have to. the Libido will somehow surface one way or another. As a sexually mature adult, you should do it. What I dont get is why we dont talk about where the whole relationship stands and that we stop assuming what is out there. Girls- when you go out on a date with a guy, belive me if you offer him some Punani, he will take it.
Guys- Girls know this. (they have always known)
So when you have it offered on the first date…..you should know you are the man. No one is holding a gun to her head. You have made an impression that she cant resist.
Girls- if he calls you up and tells you he wants to see you, within a couple of days, you assume ‘it is not just for the sex. He just had some. He wont be desperate.’
Then one date after another and another….. it goes on. If you havent talked about it, dont expect him to come up with a ring. Or with his apt. keys. Well done if he does, but if he is shocked when you discuss about this, dont be surprised. Just dont hit your head against the wall.
Coz girls, that is what you do too. If a guy doesnt come up with all the talk and tell you that he loves you… you keep him in the ‘friend’ zone. You know that he is attracted to you….. you know… you know.. (i know you all went like ‘how’) lets at least be honest to ourselves. It just shows. He wants to be with you - he takes you out for a meal - he has an argument with someone in his family and you are the first one he talks to - but never compliments a girl around you, or tell you about the girl in his office who is super fly.
It just shows. And you know he is intrested in you. Cant list all the things guys do when they are intrested….. And what do you do? Zim about the whole thing. Untill some energy from outer space takes him over and explodes.
So girls dont be angry when your ‘man’ doesnt think of you as seriously as you think of the r/ship no matter how much sex you have. Coz What Goes Around Comes around.
Just talk about the whole thing from the begining and all shall work out. No assumptions, no wishes, just some adult discussions about where it all stands. Simple.
MWC: Yene Konjo it seems that you think you have offended me, nothing can be more further from the truth. I was merely stressing that I dont personally prefer to refer men in such manner because the correlation is often used in more of a negative connotation; hence I like to distance myself from that bias…that was all. Also I was addressing you as a representative of the men you were exemplifying (notice the parenthesis in my original reply) and of course as the owner of the thoughts conveyed in your comment. I think you and I are rather in agreement when it comes to the core of your point…i.e. what you are saying (as I understood it) is that it is up each woman to carefully identify the Player from the Renaissance man and relate to him wisely. Having done so she is ultimately accountable for the choices she makes and ought to take ownership of the consequences that inevitably follows making any kind of choice. I am in complete agreement with you there. So we good bud, we good
But let us also not take out the man completely from the equation by putting the burden all on the woman. As they say it does take two to tango and it would help tremendously if he doesnt menshafef by default 
Nolawit…
One cant help but detect a level of hostility in your posts, I will however take that edge as a tone coming from someone who is passionate about the topic and the point they are attempting to make. I happen to have experienced similar misunderstandings with people who mistake my passion for aggression so I will try to keep that in mind (hope that is whats up) as I read your post so that I dont take your ergecha personally
The humor was not to be condescending or be little your crusade. It was meant to loosen the thick air I felt in the exchanges. I find people are more receptive to ideas, advices, point of views etc when it is not shoved down their throat forcefully. Per human nature, people will close off when they feel they are being attacked or being scolded or being told how to think and do. A person would become resistant to anything you have to say (even if they were in agreement with you and/or when they think you have their best interest at heart) they will tune you out if you are dry. Sense of humor helps to take the edge off and makes for easier digestion. It shouldnt and does not take from the gravity of the message, it just makes for a pleasant exchange. That is why you often find humor in me, not to mention I am just that kind of funny gal 
With that said I never implied there was nothing real or tangible to what you brought to the table. If the humor in my reply missed its mark or rubbed you the wrong way, I am afraid no apology will be issued here
In any case, the issue of AIDS does hit near home than you might think, so I completely understand your passion to the topic at hand. I have lost a close relative to one and I have an elderly family member who is diagnosed with Hep C (as grave as HIV). In neither of the case was the contraction of the virus due to sexual promiscuity or from being with a person who had one. As unfortunate as it was it was from getting the bad end stick of the needle. Now I am not saying sexual encourter is not at the heart of the problem, I am pointing out the other incidents that seem to fall between cracks. With that in mind, I am down for sex and relationship tmihrt, both pre and post marriage and anywhere in between, that can help pave the way for better understanding and a healthier relationship with our sexual self. But I am not sure if I quite understand what you mean by sex regulation. Prey tell, by way of what? It is one thing to educate, inform, advice, warn etc people of the dangers of promiscuousness, polygamy, adultery wezeterfe, however, it is entirely different to ‘regulate’ each individual’s bed room habits. In my humble opinion the consequences of their actions would regulate their lives. That’s the best one can hope for. It is of course more than unfortunate for those who may fall prey to the unknown despite their hard effort to avoid the unfathomable. But life is that much unpredictable and that is a reality. See you can give a man/women a condom, but you cant force either to apply it?better yet you cant force them to engage in a mindful/ meaningful/monogamous sexual experience by way of law. If it was that easy to govern the many aspects of individual lives by way of law enforcement, the very far winged conservative Republicans would have already fenced many in. So I am interested to hear your proposal of ?regulating sex?.
Werage ale
I am talking about what sex means to me and how that shapes how I experience sex and with whom I experience it/am experiencing it. I declare it is conscious in more ways than one. After all I know more about my experience than you, wouldn?t you agree? 
Keras belay yemiyak buda newe yelalu abatochachin?buda neshe? 
Kezih beterefe I have only one request that I hope you will honor? smileee you are on candid camera
Celeb: thanks. i think finally, at last you, Nolawit, Yekey Dama touched the thoughts that I had in mind, so i fell now better. my use of the term “dog” was based on my interpretation at the time i was wriiting was different than what it is being perceived here in the West. but, i assumed people to see instead of using “men’s natural characteristics” ..anyways ..enough said.
Abysinna: Thanks, Got it!
YekeyDama: so, where shall i begin? at your candid camera …:-) i am glad there is someonelse who writes loooong as i do so some don’t complain about mine. i have now a backup…thanks God
well ..your posts are enlightening..they teach, they elucidate, they express, they are implicit and even too explicit ..yeke Dama TM (trade mark)!?.. should i say….let me respond quick as short as i can if i can. But, 1st thing 1st: your killer pill… i.e. your =Xplicitness!= :=)
…endew menale…your NOT being soooo…eXplicit on the “Dabo” thing…endet kifu nesh benatish!? :-)….it is sweeping away my imaginative mind from the shore of its soundness and be forced to being carried on your sinusoidal wave…of virtual seduction.. and forcing me to keep virtually surfing the endless ocean of your virtual wholesome and surfing and surfing..eski yetuGa… ezih’Ga.!? . BeGira..BeQegnu ..
so …eski please hold up your virtual gun..stop mixing up..yanin feminine power..with the intellectual dart…you already have an empowered GelaCH, teCHawatch intellect that is suffice to seduce another subtle mind…so why bring in another x-factor to make things more complex for us men ..you know we men can handle onething at a time
..so they say women the “multi-taskers” ..Gudko new…one of my friend said to me, humorously, after discovering her newly found individual freedom, “multi-tasking” methodology in the West, ..hey budd… egna Setoch’ko …. we can have sex while Dantle EyeTelefen …. wey gud.. ..just laughed and said …i had so many Guregna setoch Guadegna in Addis… and their Gura was just so captivative and harmless… but…i am having loving the Gura in the West. is that me? 
finally, (you said it all so i don’t want to bore readers with repetition) But, this ONE, I can Not miss this opportunity from saying, spitting out my thoughts. ..entif entif ..yehewlish…you said:
there are plenty of joy rides and roller “
“Yene alem, I sincerely hope that your one and only quest is not to merely mechenker that wide open…
Yene alemitua… if it had been that way, i would have NOT wasted a splito-secondo of my time sitting here stroking the keys left-&-right to correspond with your thought-analysis and learn from you, and see if i have to offer one-or-two, ..etc..wezeterefe…We all have varied visions and pursue different things that really matter & fulfill our life. Life’s own natural cycle bring some of us interesect & even unionise our vision to grow in oneness as couples, friends, family and so forth. Our needs are endless. But we willingly or unwillingly settle for what we are able to clinch, at least most of us.
Those extraordinary ones, restlessly, live & leave without realizing their dream, because it is huge that affects not their individual dream & their circle but, a society’s dream (justice, equality, individual freedom, etc….).
When we, as individuals, clinch onething, we crave another thing, especially if we lead our life like the grass by a lake. Our crave is endless & impractical, unrealistic, tasteless. The grass’s livelihood depends on that Lake’s Hiliwena or lifespan.
So, in a essence, our life is governed, on what we aspire to possess and how we execute to get it. if I were, as you said I was just into mechenker, then, it is for sure that i end up pursuing some corners that only b/c there is always a lady who is governed by that..and so i buy (no love/romance) me the mechenker with what i accumulate…
But, if I am an individual seeking for my mechneker needs along with my other xyz branches: intellectual needs, my spiritual needs, my romance needs, my material needs, my physical strength needs, my share & obligation contribution needs in society then the “mechenker” won’t get me no where. it won’t even make a dent in my life. Tegbaban wegenye!? :=)
to wrap it up Gobenitua… if your man ever lower your almazenet, EnQunet & u become a S’etelaTe…call 1-800-yeTekleyew Gobena … i surely pickup that hotline.
you throw a lot of sweet Amharic, i feel, you are as crazy as i am in the lingua…. yetalena TafaCH QuanQa ende Amarigna… duro fara eyalehu yesew Quanquaw .. maweQu BireQ neber lehulachin .. agree?
..we come full circle. life is a cycle ..doesn’t it?
BTW, profanity is not my DinG! you may have read me b4.:-) I hate baleGe Qalat even when i was 13. i mean in that private momento is exciting ..but…on the cyber/paper that intends to provide readers one’s thought-analysis … it spoils readers taste (readers are in abundance, feel free) …but as for me, it disrupts the good fluid getting into my skull. i like the good & junk getting in there in their own separate roads
that is me!
~MelKam Qen~
sorry ..I meant… i missed a word in there.
buti am having trouble loving the Gura in the West. is that me?
mindwithoutc and yekey dama’s chemistry is obviously combustible ,you too should hookup ,hot hot …..
[quote comment="59810"]mindwithoutc and yekey dama’s chemistry is obviously combustible ,you too should hookup ,hot hot …..[/quote]
tsedu, i beg to differ. yekey dama is way too coooool for the dude
may be i am biased towards her, but i can’t help but admire her wits and her depth in intellect as well.
dawitm,
I beg to differ to your I beg to differ.
I think they’re both cool. Have you personally met MWC or YD? If no then don’t pass judgment.
I say they should have “a talk” but maybe not “the talk” so soon whatcha think?
I AGREE WITH CELEB.
Celeb, tsedu:
YD & I already met. our pencils, the virtual-pencils have done it already. now, by you spotlighting those pencils, you caused them to be Shishig out-of-blushness…. so, now YD is hidden in her hole. ..tsedu … you initiated this …and you finish this… endejemersh anchiw Cherishat…. ene yelehubetem. 
you Ladies killing me! …you jumped in sooo late to the game.
…and..in deed gentle thanks for the frequent support you ladies provide…. as a man, it is a special privilege to be supported, and encouraged, by Abesha Ladies. who can beat that!? ..am cherishing y’all … let us keep sharing, challenging our thought-process.
~till then.
” you caused them to be Shishig out-of-blushness…. so, now YD is hidden in her hole. ..tsedu … you initiated this …and you finish this… endejemersh anchiw Cherishat…. ene yelehubetem.”
MWC, COME ON DON’T BE SHY ,I OPENED THE MEDEREKE AND YOU TAKE THE LEAD ,WHAT DO YOU THINK YD? I CANNOT HELP IT WHEN I SEE 2 DYNAMIC DUO .
celebratelife,
i still beg to differ to your counter ‘i beg to differ’ to my original statement to tsedu’s claim
i don’t have to personally meet them to choose who’s cooler or not. i don’t see why you have problem if i like YD better than the dude
i did not say he is NOT cool, i just said she is way coooooler. and i think that is my prerogative ok.
[quote comment="59970"]”
MWC, COME ON DON’T BE SHY ,I OPENED THE MEDEREKE AND YOU TAKE THE LEAD ,WHAT DO YOU THINK YD? I CANNOT HELP IT WHEN I SEE 2 DYNAMIC DUO .[/quote]”
Haha..I love this persistence… it is not about the “SHY” thing. i don’t know which direction u’d like me to lead to.
..but, to help my skull avoiding a misinterpretation of your angel goal… i rather challenge YD’s (or anyone’s) anaylsis on a remote dummy terminal so her dignified man doesn’t resort in pulling the gun out… didn’t you see how proudly she talks about him? didn’t u?… 
..now u know!
so..if you still love to read what i share then ..you better keep me in a safe distance…as a homey.
aymeseleshim ?
Let the pencils’ fight it out ..benatish eski… freeze ..ayhunubet eski menew..
Okay..okay I will stop ,i didn’t realize yd had “dignified man” good for you girl .
[quote comment="59973"]celebratelife,
i still beg to differ to your counter ‘i beg to differ’ to my original statement to tsedu’s claim
i don’t have to personally meet them to choose who’s cooler or not. i don’t see why you have problem if i like YD better than the dude
i did not say he is NOT cool, i just said she is way coooooler. and i think that is my prerogative ok.[/quote]
We’re gonna beg to differ til kingdom come. I like YD too she’s cool people.
whatever c
Who is down for placing some orders for custom made tees to Bernos? You know like one of them ‘team Brangelina’ and ‘team Bennifer’ kind?:-) Hey ova here, can you see me pouty lips?:-)
Now I know why I was suffering from too much sirketa yesterday…semen ende Wudase Mariam degagmachu seteru newe leka. You fellas flatter me way too much that I have officially taken a vacation from Erasen MankolePapes
My wise mom has a saying that I love “Chekulo mekab/mamesgen huwala lemamat yaschegeral” tilaleche…Endew eza lay seklachehugin tolo, awey abesaye dub yalku leta 
I do however, thank all of you for the generous compliments, please go crazy 
MWC: Based on the comment in your last paragraph I think I finally figured out what the C in your nick stands for… Clutter, MindWithoutClutter. I will not give you the satisfaction of asking you since you obviously are being elusive about it, otherwise the first time I got it wrong you would have said what it stood for, so embi ene legit alteyek!
See the thing is when you are talking about sex you do run the risk of being explicit. It just comes with the territory. However I do believe I tried to be as tasteful as I can. If I had said vagina, penis minamin, despite the fact these are the given identifying names for our private parts, it would still not appeal to certain people…so I thought perhaps if I use something less “bold” such as a food group (which people could relate to & find appealing), I thought it would be less threatening and less “offensive” to people with such delicate nature such as yourself
Hence my Dabo analogy. Now if I manage to whip your imaginative hoarse to sprint and if I manage to entice you…boy oh boy am I gonna use that to my advantage or what?!:) Yep the Devil indeed wears Parada, not to mention has an undeniable twinkle in her eyes 
I am not so sure if I am ready to cease fire at this early stage of the game, look all the attention we are getting!
Not to mention when I just got done wrapping you around my pinky 
Our matchmakers (a.k.a Celeb, dawitm & tesedu), who are now the executives of my PR management, are in full authority on that one 
Aye, aye sir!:) No seriously I hear you loud and clear and I am glad to learn more of you cuz for a moment there (based on what I read from that particular paragraph you are refuting to) it seemed as though you were implying that the ultimate destination at the end of all manly efforts was that particular aspect. I stand corrected Ato Gobena.
I have planned to duke it out with him to the bittersweet end but hey if you are offering a torrid affair then becheretaw alegededim
so bring with you a fine wine, chocolate, song of ‘Secret lovers’ or perhaps Marvin’s ‘ Sexual Healing’ and may be a movie of “Gone with the wind” & I will wait for you with dinner by the fire and candle lit all over 
Ha Ha I saw your Adam’s Apple disappear mirakhin setwit 
*Spoiler Alert* Did I forgot to mention there will be a kid in the crib crying for his mommy in the background??? :)BTW people hold your horses, this is all fun in the name of playfulness, by no means am I encouraging outside marital affairs. There is enough of that going around without adding one in the mix so take this for what it is, a joke.
Indeed it does. I must say this though, lately I am noticing that my English enunciation & my grammar are going down hill as I speak & relate more in Amharic. I am noticing that there is more ergecha to Zis and Zat of my spoken words:) Where I was before there were not many habesha people so I related more in English, even at home I declared to my family I would be speaking with them in English since I wanted to better the language that would help me in my education and career (not to mention I already have a good rein on my mother tongue). So my Englacion was impeccable & I was often complemented on my accent. Oh well.
O ootye, Gud eko newe jal, gena buna saygeza kalatochen censor lemareg limoker eko newe
Wedet, wedet sehfafit alu Aba :)am tellin you if we are to have that torrid affair looming over us then it is going to be all or not’n. Because I have a self diagnosed Tret in that I cuss like a sailor when am spitting mad. Now mind you, I know I am not making the woman who raised with better manners than that proud nor I myself is proud of it. I am, however, making a conscious effort to rein in my emotions and find a better outlet than the juvenile screaming and cussing, particularly now that I am a mother I have an added burden to be a better version of the person I am to set the right tone to my angel. With that in mind, you are just going to have to sit through my occasional vulgar seizure; I am after all only human 
Out of curiosity though, what from what I said did you find ‘baleGe Qalat’?
Thank you all for putting a smile on my face
…i think we are all giving the power of “the talk” a little to much credit…talk or no talk, when the girl next door, (you know the one who is always wearing some tight shorts with half her ass hangin’ out)comes over to borrow “some salt” a guy is not going to think about “the talk” he had with his girl to go exclusive. in fact, he is not going to be doing any thinking, period. cause all the blood from his brain is gonna rush down south…i guess what i’m trying to say is, just because you had “the talk” its not going to stop either party from screwing up. just remember, people in a long lasting relationship went thru the same crap as those who gave up a little too soon, the only difference is those who are still going strong don’t let the silly stuff like misunderstandings or moving a little too fast get in the way of the beautiful ride.( by no means is “the ride” meant to be dirty)
I agree with all the people that believe in communication. I believe the key for everything is a good communications but one thing I learned is our ethiopian man are not open enough to tell a girl if he wants to have a one night stand, relationship, or casual dating whatever they want. That is the thing I don’t understand. We live in western world but still we are not open and as far as I came across to know or heard our man don’t know what they want. They bull shit till they get u and start playing games even if they say don’t like to play games and they claim wanting a relationship at first that they don’t keep at last. One word i want to spread around is let us all follow our heart and believe in open and honest communication. We have to practice what we preach. Being nice is for ourselves not for anybody. At the end of a day a nice person won’t have any regrets.
Thanks for this open blog to discuss about. Open communication in relationship is a big problem in our society.
Mimi
whomp whomp I like what mimi said…
YekeyDama: Perhaps …way overdue to respond. ;-( oh well….
[quote comment="60017"]
MWC: Based on the comment in your last paragraph I think I finally figured out what the C in your nick stands for… Clutter, MindWithoutClutter. I will not give you the satisfaction of asking you embi ene legit alteyek!
..Enteyayalen engidiyaw…
..wow…ye ‘Dabo” sigermegn….Yahunu yebas aregshiw e’ko ..yager sew… you must have a taste for nastiness.
forgive for sounding abrasive but ..you killed the curious cat with your bat….
Celeb,
This article confirms why I think you make a good wife.