Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder
You know the kind people turn around for…; the one that singers write songs for, painters paint about, the kind poems are written about…
It exists, and society based on environment has a consensus. The liberal idealists we are would disagree! We would say that beauty differs in different environments.
Meaning that a typical yaddisabba konjo girl would be way too short for an Anuak man and too light skinned for Nuer man of the Gambela region in Ethiopia & even Sudan.
Complexion, height, weight, bust size, hair color are weighted differently in different environments throught out the world. For example a woman that is 5’3’’ tall has enough height in parts Asia, but not in Norway where the average female height is 5’9 tall, as opposed to 5’0” in Japan.
Eventually someone would ask “if universal beauty exists.”
What is beauty?
But first we have to clarify what beauty is. Is beauty mental? Is it physical? If I care for someone, would that automatically qualify a typical person beautiful?
The fact is there is no consensus or it’s nearly impossible for everyone to agree on a definition of what beauty is. I.e. the phrase,
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
Regardless next time you and your buddies are hanging out someone would point at that persons and say wow and describe them as hot, sexy, handsome, or attractive or another made up verb. What is the new slang in Piassa for a ‘hottie?’
So beauty does in fact exist no matter the lack of universal consensus. Different societies have different measurements for physical attributes.
I happened to run into a family friend, who I do not know or remember and she told me ‘Menew T’eQo’rk!’ and obviously I ignored her statement and continued the conversation with the many adults that were around. But she wouldn’t let it go; you know how older Ethiopians talk about you as though you are not there.
DeRoh eKo Konjo neberE”
The conversation went on; she updated the others how her kids are doing etc. And then she would go back my Tiquret. When I finally had it, I said ‘Gambela Bihede Qey negn!’
It seems to me that it’s not just her; Ethiopians in general have a fixation with complexion. Dark people are not good looking apparently, and personally I consider dark chocolate as very attractive. Ethiopians have equated darkness with MegosaQole, lightness with Messmamate.
Let’s not blame the Ethiopians; the rest of the world has a preference.
- Old English associated lightness with class, as if to say, the less sun you got the more class you have.
- Californians whites consider being really white a lack of sophistication & a tan as sophistication.
- African Americans prefer lighter skinned Blacks, sometimes put off as a preference that came from slavery era, ‘house vs field.’ That might explain their obsession with Ethiopian ladies.
Wrapping up, we would have to agree that certain societies have physical attribute preferences from which they measure beauty by. This preference could be nurtured through different variables but the fact is it is nurtured somehow. The existence of societal partiality to certain attributes just reaffirms that beauty is not really in the eye of the beholder. It may infact be the law of Averageness, average physical attribute in a society.
When they phrased it, what they meant to say is that physical appearance is not that important.
In honor of the reality of those Ethiopian Beauties, the ones that test how far we could turn our heads podcasted is Mohamud Ahmad’s Fetsum Denq Ledj Nesh. The second song I wanted to podcast was actually posted about a long time ago by Ethio Jazz but I love it so much its being re-podcasted, its Girma Beyene’s Ene Negn Bay Manesh. I would like to see a picture of the Ethiopian Beauty that inspired such great songs, just for aesthetic appreciation.
Fetsum Denq Ledj Nesh - Mohamud Ahmad: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download Ene Negn Bay Manesh -Grima Beyene: Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadSend this post to a friend
The reality is the darker a man the more attractive he is. Unfortunately this doesn’t apply to women. Unless of course you’re seen/unseen by Helen Keller.
All in all though what is beauty? Is it seen, heard, or felt? I sometimes think we, humans, put a lot of weight on external beauty and not enough on the beauty of the heart.
Dove has a campaign “for real beauty”
I think physical beauty is difficult to rate thanks to photo shop and Barbie. You have many young girls in constant search of what beauty is…you can now cut, tuck, or staple what you don’t want so that you can create a bigger and better you but for who, Barbie or Ken?
Sometimes you see a very attractive person then once you begin conversing with him/her what he/she says is not of your taste. Does this lesson their beauty?
I think Ethiopians like the color that is referred to as “Teyem” in Amharic. There are lots of songs and poems about the “teyem” beauty. It is certainly not very light. It is not very dark either. It is something in between. I think the complexion preference of Ethiopians is pretty nuanced.
Last time I went home, when I first arrived, my father constantly asked me “menew geretash?” Is there no sun in China in the winter?
And after a few weeks in Ethiopia, he told me “now you are looking like Abesha! Demish meles ale“:)
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”
~Hellen Keller ~
How did she know? Can someone explain to me how a blind and deaf can attest to what was being discussed.
[quote comment="45185"]“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”
~Hellen Keller ~
How did she know? Can someone explain to me how a blind and deaf can attest to what was being discussed.[/quote]
she is talking about love… she can feel love
That is why beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. If it wasn’t a blind person could never know beauty.
Eshi Nolawi, when I saw the sub-title to this post, I was about to say a piece of my mind thinking that was your point of view. By the end of the article, I knew where you were going with it.
Nolawi, I couldn’t help but laugh here. In my case the adjectives that were thrown my way included
“TeQork,” “weferk,” and “aTerk” In the past these words use to amuse and somewhat hurt me and like you I’ve resorted to responding in similar fashion. Now, they can say all those things until they turn blue, it doesn’t affect in any way.
At the end of the day your appearance might get you a date but it won’t guarantee you a relationship, at least not the type that means a lot.
[quote comment="45185"]“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”
~Hellen Keller ~
How did she know? Can someone explain to me how a blind and deaf can attest to what was being discussed.[/quote]
Well, that is what makes her statement even for legitimate, Z. Because if she can testify to knowing what beauty is they beauty must really exist. But apparently TURE beauty is not not just physical, but a combination of both internal and external.
I guess the saying should go “the definition of beauty is in the eye/heart of the beholder”
I find dark skinned women extremely attractive ever since I touched the skin and found out its smooth and silky, not easily damaged quality. I’m always on the look out for dark and slim west African. I find that beautiful.
Honestly, I think beauty is mostly held in a person’s personality and character. Saying this is losing its weight, but I really believe in it.
Physical attractiveness is noticable, of course. But when I first meet an attractive person, I think, wow, he/she’s hot. But as I get to know them, if she/he is an asshole, then I really can’t, and I mean I can’t, see their physical beauty anymore. I don’t know how it happens, but it just happens. But if I meet someone who I don’t think is that attractive, but their personality rocks, I start finding them extreamly hot!
As I always say, I can get used to an ugly face over time, but I can never get used to an ugly personality.
As Gosaye sang, “Bewebetesh temekito, amelesh kalamare, nechenech netereku, wulo adro kekerere….” I think that’s how it goes…
[quote comment="45210"]I find dark skinned women extremely attractive ever since I touched the skin and found out its smooth and silky, not easily damaged quality. I’m always on the look out for dark and slim west African. I find that beautiful.[/quote]
So are you a Tef injera?
yeeeS….
I think this post was completely made up.
Here are stereotypical statements which, to be blunt, seem to have been pulled out of thin air:
“Ethiopians have a fixation with complexion”
“African Americans prefer lighter skinned blacks”
It’s not clear to me if there are any data that support these claims. what’s worse, the author leads us to think that they’re above these unfotunate ignorant stereotypes. but we’re not going to be misled. Since the author makes the stereotypical claims they can’t be immune from the ignorance. ==> an ignorant post!
ha hah ah getu…
i suppose you may not be familiar with the color and identity issue with ethiopians teyim woyes qey dama… fixation… or maybe noone has said menew tiqork.. to you..
in the same manner you might not be familiar with malcom x’s theory of the field negro mentality... homeboy..
if you are going to claim a post is ignorant back it up with a counter… otherwise… shut the hell up!
Simply,
10 ethios telling me at every turn that I’ve gotten darker; or even, 10 ethios telling me and my friends that we’ve gotten darker every day does not turn Ethipiopans into a people that have a fixation with complexion. Not me, not you, nor all Ethiopians in DC make up a sample size for Ethiopians. If you wanna tell me that Ethiopians have a fixation with complexion you have to come up with something more than “ppl I know keep telling ppl I know they’ve gotten darker”.
In the same manner a simple claim made by malcolm X does not become fact. I’m just looking at someone to step up and establish a sample size of the African American population and ask them what their preferences are then let everyone know what their findings were. Were your claims based on such observations? I dont know. If they were please let me know where to find those observations.
Finally, OK, maybe I shouldnt have said ignorant. I didnt know if you had those studies. I was quick to assume you didnt and then jumped into calling the post ignorant. However, I’ll stick to asking where those claims came from? and also will venture a suggestion: In the future please provide acceptable facts to back up claims that might strike readers as stereotypical blaber.
OK… lets look at the posts up here. Of all the 5 posts where people remarked on the value of skin color in relation to beauty, 4 indicated that they prefered darker skinned ppl. While this could still lead us to guess that Ethiopians have a fixation with skin color, its not the color you picked.
And dont tell ppl to shut the hell up when you’ve got your mouth wide open ……
I didn’t tell anyone to shut the hell up just you… because you said its ignorant… with no counter…
anyways basically you are saying just because its a stereotype to say something….
is wrong
..
‘
you are not saying my statements are false.. just that they are a stereotype… if so fine…
This is turning into a fight…. NOT GOOD.
But Getu…you’re asking for a research paper when this is just a rant based on commonly held belief. I do think ‘abesha’ prefer light skin over darker complexion. Its also true for African Americans. Its also true for Indians. For some bizzare reason, this fucked up world thinks black is not beautiful. But I think, Getu, if you dig under the surface, the explanation may be a lot more complex. The fact our streotype of beauty is in discussion is a good thing, give it a chance….
Where’s my dark beauty now?
Getu,
C’mon, take it easy. This is not a University. None of what we say here is based on statistical research. We are just sharing our views on things. If you think differently, state your viewpoint on the issue and leave it at that. You should see the blog articles as a starting point for discussions and not as a scientific report.
wow..nolawi…u came on hard on Getu…
Getu..it is ok…i think our nolawi does not like to be challenged or questioned….and for Getu….why call any one’s input ignorant?
i think it was a miss word use. Apology accepted!
Just curiosity nolawi, What did u study in college? I believe u have mentioned of getting ur master? Is it journalism?
no blen, i am the least traditionally educated person you probably have ever met…
I barely graduated from highschool… and after that i went to art school… and that probably explains why you think I don’t like to be challenged… !
I do think people are fixated about comlextion. When I went to Ethiopia I saw women using fade cream to get lighter. It is a big issue there and it sells. No mater how much you tell them it damages their skin they keep using it. That goes to other African women as well.
my point is there are men who prefer lighter complextion and others for darker. The truth is you take one layer of the skit we all are the same. What counts is how we are in the inside.
Personaly I prefer teyem or darker men
“Never judge a person by the color of their skin…” Oops, did I say that out loud. How hyprocratic of me…
That fade cream… whatever its called,its one of the worst thing a woman can do to herself. It should be a crime to sell it.
hey nolwai :):) thanks (!)?
Selam, injera, the fade creme is called “Fair and Lovely” made by Uniliver. Does very well around the world, especially in India and the middle east.
Here in China, people could really look white (and not like white people) but the color white… when they use the fade cremes. I think they use something stronger than the one that is sold in other places. it is really off putting to see someone’s face look really white and then their neck be olive brown color! Every time I see that I cringe.
In Ethiopia, this fade creme is marketed really well through the new satellite TV phenomena. As you know, the satellite tv comes from the Middle East and most of the channels advertise the creme like crazy… I even have the jingle that goes with it in my head now, I have seen it so many times!
There has been radio programs to explain what the creme does and how it damages the skin because people have this beliefs that it erases the “madiat” many women get on their cheeks.
Now the thing about “Menew teqork”… I had a discussion with friends once about why people say that? And we talked about it for a long time.
Our conclusion is that when someone is under huge stress, they generally have this unrested look about them that includes large dark circles under the eyes.
They also do not take care of themselves well. They don’t sleep well. They don’t eat well. And if they smoke or drink, they do that more often than they did when their life was going well. So their skin becomes dehydrated and unrested… this kind of skin generally looks brittle and lifeless than the person’s original skin and with the dark circles under the eyes, it makes the person appear “darker” not in a natural way.
Now, the above explanation does not hold if a person is not implying that you look stressed… are you ok… in their “teqork” question.
this is my 2 santim about the issue via discussion with friends a couple of years back in Addis.
Please Yemi! you get darker because of the georgraphic area you live in. It is a tan!
true smoking will do it to you but
1.California summer will make you darker than living in Bosten in the winter.
2. The older you get you wont have the same glow like in your 20s.
The fade creame is also made localy in Ethiopia and they call it Yellow spot. I know people who bring it and use it in the Us. It have hyroqunon I heard that is what messed up Michael Jackson.
Selam, I am only talking about one specific context… that is in the context when people ask “what is wrong? is everything ok? “teqork”" That is it. With in the question of “menew teqork? is everything in your life going well?” itself there is the implication that the “meteqor” is something that happened since the person saw you last.
My above explanation does not apply to any other situation and is not an answer AT ALL for why people prefer lighter skin over darker skin in many places around the world.
And I am certainly not saying browns, blacks and other naturally tanned people are so because of stress! I hope my post was clear. It is early in the morning here…:)
I have not heard of the Yellow Spot but I am sure it is very bad for the skin. I heard people here in China use mercury which is terrible not just for the skin but for their overall health.
I have a Senegalese friend who gets her fade cream from Senegal. The stuff she gets is stronger than anything “Fair and Lovely” sells. She puts it all over her body. That can’t be healthy for you. But she tells me Senegalese men prefer the lighter skinned women so she keeps on applying the cream. If it wasn’t for the fact she was trying to measure up to the “beholder’s” (in this case Senegalese men) ideal of beauty I don’t think she would do something that could be damaging to her health.
Yemi,
Sometimes when people say “minew tekork/tekorsh” they do mean you look tired, but it also means they are associating being darker with being tired looking unhealthy etc…
Kiki,
Yes, the phenomena of lightening skins has become global. It is really annoying. I do not buy any face creams here in China because I am afraid they contain that stuff.
About the second point of people associating getting darker with being tired and looking unhealthy… What I am trying to say is that it is not associated with the preference for the lighter skin complexion.
It is a separate issue. It is associated with what happens when people are stressed… everyone including white people and black people get dark circles under their eyes when they are stressed and are not getting enough rest, sleep, and taking care of themselves.
I guess my point is, in that one specific context it has more to do with an expression. In the US people say “you have dark circles under your eyes” in Ethiopia people say “teqork”.
I wonder if there is a campaign to outlaw or actively discourage women from using this yellow cake shyt. Ill tell u that is one woman you dont want to wake up next too. I had dated this beauty slightly on the dark side woman who had abused fade cream at one time. After make up and in the winter, I couldnt get enough of her. During the summer, she couldnt stand the sun and always had to look for a shade. And in the morning, her face was like a soil thirsty for water; my hand would scratch if I touch her.
Tell all your cousins and whoever you come across to stay away from that shyt. I do that.
Injera, in Ethiopia there were some radio programs that talked about the effects and discouraged its use.
Have u seen the Fair and Lovely commercials? Here are some.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIUQ5hbRHXk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-9tcXpW1DE
The first one run in Ethiopia (not on ETV but on Arab Sat. channels)
Interesting.
Nolawi, just to see where ze peoplez’ mindz are at, can we have a bernos poll?
Created one at http://nupolls.com/snippet/33226/ .
Hope you don’t mind.
Yemi,
No? But that was about the only thing that made sense in this thread!
hmmm.
Tobian lol!
Hard to have these discussions online.
Must go pull hair now!
[quote comment="45467"]Injera, in Ethiopia there were some radio programs that talked about the effects and discouraged its use.
Have u seen the Fair and Lovely commercials? Here are some.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIUQ5hbRHXk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-9tcXpW1DE
The first one run in Ethiopia (not on ETV but on Arab Sat. channels)[/quote]
Please drill the self esteem deeper because 6 feet is not deep enough! That’s what those commercials are screaming to the tanned ladies of the world.
I love light skin women. To me they are beautiful and sensual. Lets be honest when you compare Ye Key Gorada with Ye Tikure Gorad then the Key Chick is much better. This is not to say there are not Dark and Beautiful girls… there are many of them. But just don’t knock out Light Skin girls because it is the new thing of the so called political “liberated” people! I am talking about the naturally light skin girls not the one that has 10 layers of makeup and powder to make themselves light. They look like a clown! Also beautify is indeed in the “eye of the beholder” I know a guy who likes… really really really obese women, and he is Abesha. And there is nothing average about obesity in Ethiopia. just a thought..
Yemi, I had call it FARA & UGLY.
no tobian I don’t mind…. I think denying the fact that skin preferences is somewhat childish… i didn’t say it doesn’t exist… just that it exists… the problem with you is that you are too idealist
This is for From_Et
Have you heard “keeye melk ayfegem”?
Also “teyem asa mesaye”
It is all about preferences……..
Nolawi,
I’m hoping that this entire text was not in reference to my comment … because if it is, I’ve no clue what you are talking about.
There’s nothing in my comment that betrays what i think regarding this issue .. as I didn’t say anything.
I made fun of Yemi for her playful clarification, because it made me laugh. Other than that, the only thing that can be determined from the poll I set up is that I do have a preference for skin color … because I neglected to give the option of ‘I have no skin color preference’. And I’m reconsidering that.
But on the topic of idealism, yes I am as idealistic as I can be and no, I don’t see that as a ‘problem’. I also think I am a hypocrite. I think there should always be a better way of looking at this world(idealism) … even if I’m not there yet(hypocrisy). I think our lives are for filling the gap in between.
Cheers.
tobian… the comment was in reply to your statement…
so i was surprised.. because i think the skin color preference thing definitely exists!
Lol!! Injera. If there is ever going to be a campaign, that name “Fara and Ugly” will be a funny way of putting the point across.
Feleqleq, the commercials are terrible, aren’t they; I remember being aghast the first time I saw one of them on the Arab channels. In India, the color of your skin can, in some cases, decide your lot in life.
At the end of the day, I don’t think the usage of this creme is a big issue in Ethiopia. Not many people use it and if they do, it is mostly because of the idea that it clears up dark spots and madiat; and funnily enough, it does (temporarly…) and then you have to keep on using it, in the end totally screwing up the natural balance of your skin.
In my humble opinion, the color issue is not so pervasive that it is the end all factor for judging beauty. I think overall, Ethiopians put a huge emphasis on certain types of facial features to judge beauty. Type of hair (for women) is also very important. And generally Teyim men rule the chicken coop (from my experience:)
Getu, i was having a discussion just a couple our ago.. of how the word baria is actually means slave has been used to describe a really dark person…
just another proof of how the world is so skinopreferencoholic!
I def. think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. At the same time, it’s true what they say about beauty being skin deep. I mean, haven’t you met a gorgeous looking person who goes down to ugly-uglier—-est as he/she opens his/her mouth full of filth and nonsense?
Having said that, Getu, who r u kidding….come’n now, u don’t even need to grow up in Ethiopia to see the abesha
. Just spending a year in Ethiopia will reveal the reality…and I bet you have heard the saying “Key melk ayfejim”…what do you think it means?Also,I think, to be fair, the poll should ask what the voter’s skin color is. Personally, I like Teyim wend (and though don’t really care for Key wend, I’d prefer Key to Tikur wend….I just don’t like tikur wend at all). And If I were to choose g/fs for my friends/bros, I’d def. Choose key or Teyim. That doesn’t necessarily mean they are more beautiful than the dark skin ones, is just my preference.
‘Gambela Bihede Qey negn!’
LOL aye yene bathoegn yeQochegn neber! The quick wit cracked me up not to mention your frustration with her insistence of your tiQuret and her equation of that to your now not so konjonet is very palpable in the above quote. You made my day yene teQaraJ
Now to the subject at hand… tyim vs. yeQey dama… now though I can not categorically say that all Ethiopians have fixations on complexions, I think we can all agree that we have run into sufficient amount of common held beliefs and Yezelemad ababals enough to understand and relate to Nolawi’s point and even dare to say many abesha relate color complexion with beauty or the lack there of. At the very least it plays a significant role in the labling. TeQura, Baria, YeQye Doro, Deme Gibu, teyim zeleg yale,…wezeterfe…
Abesha (
I don’t know if you are familiar with our saying “kilat Melk ayfejim”…here it is suggested that if you are of the lighter complexion, it doesn’t really take much to be konjo… where as if you are of the darker complexion you would need more than your skin color to carry you afloat the beauty line. I must admit it holds a bit of truth in my case… I am of the lighter complexion (very lightJ) and I have found myself, on several occasion, wondering and saying out loud “ene eko tinish tekor bil…”J It is as though you can be Gorada, Kerdada, Kofada, Chemdada, Fendada, Welgada etc but you would fare much better against Ms/Mr. TeQura if you have some color to create distraction over your shortcomings. Let us keep in mind though that we are not speaking of tyimnet here, we are speaking more of the darkness in the color spectrum. In fact tyimnet (especially when it comes to the alpha male) is related mostly with not only plain konjonet but also some sort of allure and sex appeal. Exhibt A… Aster Awake’s “Teyim Zeleg Yale”, I think this phrase is etched in the many young Koreda’s heart & mind, at least it was mine (too bad I got the teyim but he lacked the Zeleg lol).
Just like the kilat and tikuret, kistat and wifret used to be equated with memechet or alememechet…even as far as to determine one’s Kebertenet because the meat on your bone meant you were well nourished with the finer things that life has to offer. Of course this was back in the days and back home. Now I hear it is all a different ball game. Good thing I exited in due time for I got few rolls in me pouch to keep me comforted in the loneliest nights J At least here in Ameriha I can butter me rolls and walk out straight into the obesity that surrounds all of us & bask in my obscurity.
Sorry I digress…
What is beauty?
But first we have to clarify what beauty is. Is beauty mental? Is it physical?
What is beauty? Beauty is multifaceted. However, vanity being one of our deadliest sin, we often zoom in more on the physical aspect of beauty hence speak in abundance of that and relate to that as opposed to the skin deep.
If I care for someone, would that automatically qualify a typical person beautiful?
First of all what’s a “typical person”? What ‘typical’ aspect of a person are you referring to? Physical? Intellectual? Spiritual? Based my understanding of your article I will go out on a limb and dare say you are speaking of the person’s physical beauty. See by your own unconscious admission you have already “sized up” this person’s physical beauty and have concluded it to be “typical” (what ever this means to you and however you reached to this conclusion is solely yours though a universal beauty-meter might have helped you in forming, influencing or reinforcing your conclusion of her/his ‘typical-ness’). Now that you have satisfied that vain part of us I mentioned earlier, you are trying to go past the surface and into the skin deep, hence your question “if I care for someone…”Going back to my initial definition…
Beauty comes in all shapes, forms, and types across a broad spectrum. Its variation in relation to you depends on to which specifications you subscribe to. Perhaps that is why it is more fitting to say, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” because what tickles your fancy may not even nuzzle mine. Though commonality and universality exists, individuality by far outshines and determines how we see, relate to and ultimately experience beauty.
Wow thank for explaining it… yekedama.. exactly how I feel