so what

I missed a good opportunity to aser kid milasen mezergat on this topic but I think it would be like beating the dead horse since I see the argument, from both end, have been well discussed. I just came to say one word…
Sweet 16! The MTV show.

I swear all I want to do when I watch this damn shows is to reach out and slap the baby Buddha out of the ungrateful, foul spittin children while at the same time shake the parents like the shake’n’bake in my pantry. Rotten…just simply rotten. Ere Wediya! Mts.

Hey! You know the old saying. I know how to say it in Amharic. Anyways. These people are the rich folks you are talking about. They like to party big.
I like the colorful moseb picture.
Peace out.

Def. an Abesha thing. if americans did it this way i dont think it would of ever came up. I really dont see it as a problem, so what if theres rum in the cake the parents are the ones who did all the work they deserve to have the best time. for the five year old hes just a kid he wont know the diff.

Abesha people like to do it big. I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s just an event were grown folks relax and enjoy themselves and kids get some unsupervised time, they get high off sugar and release energy. Anyways that’s the only time family & friends gather around as one. We should pass on the tradition or you can take your kids to Chucky Cheese. Your baby you decide.

I think “going all out” and “showing off” is in every culture. My kids go to other kids parties and come back with expensive gifts which make me wonder, “if this is the party favor gift, then how much does the actual party cost”. It is unreal these days how non-abesha parents throw parties as well.

When we celebrate birthdays, I will have the kid involved in every process, starting picking the invitees from school, mailing out invitations or hand delivering them. Picking a theme and a place for the party, keeping a log of who responded and who didn’t, going shopping for the theme, choosing the birthday cake, etc. The process leading up to the party usually is a fun experience for my child. And then I will have a modest one for close friends and relatives at home. The kids love that because all the attention is on them. Hugs and kisses from grandmas and aunties add to it. Plus it is more birthday gifts. Do I serve alcohol. No. Is it the right way to do it? I don’t know. Does it work for us? yes.

Well…I have always wondered about this issue and I’ve only seen it out here enji when I was growing up, the ppl invited to the birthdays were really the kids, the cousins, and some more kids…the parents normally just drop their kids off and are not invited to the birthday party…in fact it was a kids/relatives kinda party…but that was then…Now, it seems there aren’t that many children to mamoq the party…hell, there aren’t too many kids the parents AND the kids know to invite over….instead the parents invite their friends to celebrate the occasion cos normally the adults are very much part of the child’s life. in short ….a shortage of Abesha kids meselegn…if the child is really interactive though, they can invite a class full of kids or daycare full of kids

Celeb, I guess there was some unintentional sarcasm in my post, however it was not meant to upset you or suggesting that you think you are all that… It was because I thought there was a bit of a conflict in your post.

Zgent, I think it was intentional but like I said it’s all good. I didn’t get upset actually I rarely get upset but I’d love it if you could be specific on what the conflict is. “Goji” I really didn’t know what it meant but now that you defined it I do know. I just mispronounced it and never seen it used with bahel.

Timo, I’m so with you on this one. Children are put on the back burner, it’s almost like they don’t exist especially when the adult wants the spot light. I have no problem with parties where both children and adults are present and alcohol is served but when it’s a child’s birthday party then treat it for what it is ‘a child’s birthday party’.

It is not only Non Abesha’s but some Ethio parents actually throw children friendly parties. Only the few who would rather show off to the adults then please the children will host an adult friendly party for a child.

To be honest I hate the word “Americanized” but Money Mek wanted to define him/herself as such, I guess. Never knew why people used it to refer to someone who questions certain behaviors. If it’s wrong it’s wrong there is no being “Americanized” about it.

This was a very good post. Wudenesh Iam in agreement with you. Timo being Amercianized Westernized does not mean you are progressive with all due respect. Growing up in Ethiopia I can remember going to birthday parties and just having fun with all the kids there, you know playing soccer, hide and go seek and so on. I don’t ever remember sitting there with the other kids and saying dam these adults they have hijacked our time again. We were too busy eating cake running around high on sugar. Look if you want to have a western style birthday party for your children or a traditional one with everyone there its your progative the most important thing here is which ever way we do it we take the time out to celebrate our childrens birthdays to let them know we love them. I totally think the way anyone would answer this question is related to their upbringing. By this I mean did you grow up in ethiopia or some other place? Do you still identify with your ethiopian side or the western side? And most of all if you are progressive or not? Just kidding Timo.

Interesting to read different ppl’s views on this. I think anything on the extreme is always bad. If adults forget it’s a child’s b-day and the celebration focuses a lot more on their own entertainment, that’s bad. However, I don’t c anything wrong with adults being present at children’s b-day.
I grew up celebrating my birthday with all the cousins and friends as well as all the aunts, uncles and parents’ friends…..and to be honest, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Actually it’s one of the reasons that instilled in me a sense of what family meant…I grew up thinking that bros and sis, cousins, uncles and aunts are part of the same family and belong together everywhere. I can understand why some of you think the presence of alcohol at a child’s birthday can have a bad effect/influence…but to be honest, none of us kids even thought of the alcohol…each of us knew that was nothing to be touched by us….and ‘an adult thing’. With many of my nephews and nieces born here, am always amazed to see the same pattern. The only difference is that they get asked where they want to celebrate their b-day every year (since we don’t want them to feel different from their classmates and friends who might celebrate it at Chucky cheese minamin)…and they always go for celebrating it at home with their friends invited over…and playing their fav games. They have even started enjoying their ‘what used to be embarrassing moment in front of their friends’, which is the half an hour or so, when they are forced to sit down with us and take turns to tell us what they will do for their fav person (mom, dad, uncle, aunt..etc) when they grow up. Their answers make me laugh…they are selfish, I doubt we were like that as children…answers often have ” after I buy myself…, then…” We also have eskesta competition for them (born here, u should’ve seen the pride of the winner of the eskesta….who gets a few dollars…American kids luvvve money)…and if they enjoy our presence half as much as we do theirs…..is heavens!

Timo….PLEAZZE! who treats them more of objects..the American parents who count every year for 18 years to throw their kids out…or the Ethio parents who are soooo loving? MTS.

Here is the problem as I see it: Kids are treated as OBJECTS by most Ethiopian parents (and this became VERY clear to me when I visited ET a few years ago) and in the western world, they are treated as PEOPLE. In my view, you need to involve children in the decision making process when you are making a decisions about something that is going to affect them. If you asked a child how they would like to celebrate their birthday, I assure you they would not say, they would love to have alcohol, grown up conversation, and injera and wet. Stop living your lives through your children!!!

It is always interesting to me how some of you are quick to attack those that are progressive and those that have chosen to adapt the best of the western world by saying they are acting “Americanized”. Funny, if disrespecting people (yes that includes children) is Ethiopian, then I’m out!

Hey Nolawi, with a Bernos t in tow, right?;)

I guess I am one of those “selfish” mamas.

[quote comment="42603"]Ethio parents never understand what child’s b-day is all about. One of you wrote why don’t they take them to chucky cheeses? I have funny story on that. Well you know how in Ethiopia people open business with similar names of western places. Well they have now something like chucky cheeses. They don’t call it that. But the idea behind it. What the ethiopian version has that the west doesn’t have is ADULT in it. Can you believe the adults in Ethiopia would show up in a place like chucky cheese with tej, tela, whiskey, and beer. I am not kidding. and i forgot tire siga and bahil zefen for the adults to do their eskista while completely drunk.
Ha ha ha. I am so happy on this post. The best post ever.[/quote]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Oh wow, that is so funny. Poor kids! We need more parenting skill class for habesha parents. I mean now days i see more parents doing the wrong things it is just sad. I will never i mean ever take my kids to a party that involves heavy drinking…etc. Why should they suffer, i don’t think i will like it if my mom takes me to some drinking party, although it sounds fun i don’t think I will enjoy kicking it with people who are much older than I am. I think kids should hang out and play with other kids, not with their parent friends. Any how i love your comment i was laughing so hard.

when the parents high jack their kid’s b-day party, not only do they show that they are selfish but also more concerned about impressing their friends than their child’s happiness. I agree, the day oughta be the children’s day of celebration. if the parents wants to celebrate their child’s birthday in a big way, then they are perfectly entitled to do so. only thing is that everything present should be something kids enjoy, play with and consume.

Ethiopians shouldn’t be so shy about throwing a party just for the sake of one, there really doesn’t have to be an event.

Celeb, I guess there was some unintentional sarcasm in my post, however it was not meant to upset you or suggesting that you think you are all that… It was because I thought there was a bit of a conflict in your post. Personally, I go along with what Yemi posted, she has succintly put all that was in my mind and more. My first comment #18 was a bit of that. I was remembering the pictures she received from family and friends on Lisans birthday. I also see something grating and tasteless in the lavish parties that are meant to show off. I don’t want to be part of that spectacle either. That was why I suggested the different alternatives in the previous post.
I am sure you know what goji is, however, “Goji” means harmful. Without considering the cultural context and the sentiment ingrained in some traditions and customs they are labeled as detrimental and backward. I was hoping that this celebrating a childs birthday with adults and childless family members and friends is not one of them.
Yes birthdays could be a great thing for many reasons. My mom used to celebrate my birthday even when I was thousands of miles away from home. I never minded the large bill I pay for overseas call while chatting (egelEm yichiteleh anagrat eyetebalku) with the family and neighbours gathered in our house on that day.

betam betam betam thank you for sharing yemi… shit for buchelas bday I would have gone!! with a gift!!

This reminds me of the argument I had with my Wife when it was time to celebrate our sons First B. Day. I wanted to invite all our family and Friends and have a jolly good time and my wife wanted to limit the invite list to siblings and only family and friends that have kids close in age to our son.

Needles to say after a compromise we ended up having a party that did not include all the guest on my list but more than what my wife wanted.

Just as the different views expressed here we all have different test. It does not mean one is better than the other. My desire is based on my experience growing up where any opportunity to bring friends and families together was never missed. Given the hectic life style we have, there is not as much opportunity to get together. Any opportunity to bring people together for a good time and share an important occasion as a child’s Birth Day should not be missed in my eyes. But don’t tell my wife I said that

My son just turned one recently. Because we live in a far away land, we had a very modest celebration with four adults and three kids invited and it was quiet fun.

Back home, first birthdays are a huge deal. I suppose, it is not surprising given the high mortality rate. Turning one is an indication a child’s survival outlook.

I have been to birthdays where people went all out and invited everyone they knew. Because they didn’t have a lot of money, the invited got a cup of watered down Fanta and a piece of Abehsa Bread. I have been to first birthdays where all there was was some kolo and nifro.

On the other extreme, I have heard of people throwing huge parties in rented hallways; I am glad I have never been to one.

Mostly, I have been to modest celebrations in people’s homes.

For my son’s birthday, I wish I was back home. I wish he was surrounded by his grandparents; his uncles, aunts, and their friends; his great uncles and aunts, and their children who are all a decade older than him; and all my friends irregardless of whether they have kids or not. And our beloved doctor that so skillfully brought him into this world.

These were all the people that anticipated his birth. They were there touching him through my tummy when I was pregnant. There were there to celebrate his birth. They were there for his baptism.

I would have served kitfo, ayeb, gomen and kocho; because it would have been easy to make. There would have been whiskey for the older men and beer for everyone else who fancies alcohol. There, of course, would have been soda.

There would have been several cakes because in addition to the one I’d buy for the day people would have brought others. But there would also have been some Abesha Bread, kolo, and fendisha. There would have been coffee roasted in the living room accompanied by the smoke of etan. The floors would have been covered with fresh grass and ketema.

Most of all, there would have been conversation, laughter, and love. Old debates would have cropped up. Jokes would have been retold. Kids would have been kissed and re-kissed, their cheeks pinched by adults before they disappeared to play with each other away from adult scrutiny. There would have been spilled soda and may be a bottle or two broken.

At the end of this long beautiful day, there would have been a hell of a lot to clean up.

And I would have been incredibly happy.

Because I believe kids, just like everyone else, should exist within a loving community that includes people of all ages.

Oh! Oh! Oh! and…. and … I birthed the little bugger and survived. Technically, is my “birth day” too:)…Ha.

To Celeb,
No need to get touchy, but as an ethiopian, ethiopians will do as such. It’s okay to be americanized, its okay to forget where you come from, but its not okay for you to characterize those that uphold their culture as ignorants. If you consider yourself an ethiopian you must unlearn all this western ideas not all but those like in this case that targets our way of life. As moneymek explains birthdays and other celebrations are for family and friends, “its my childs birthday I will share it with my friends and family” do you understand that, I guess not since you consider yourself so enlightened it has made forget who you are and where you come from. You need to contemplate that, because in our culture it’s about family and friends coming together and part taking in each others happy moments. Cheers!

zgent, I sense a bit of sarcasm in your comment but it’s all good. Yes these are kids that I know and parents that I’m friends with or friends of the family.

I will not write about something I haven’t already addressed with the person. Those parents who asked their guests what they thought, I’ve spoken the truth to. So your solution is to stop attending and prove what that I’m mad at the child or the parent? Wouldn’t it be a better solution to discuss this issue in hopes that the kids will get the attention they deserve on their special day?

So sorry if you misunderstood it to mean I’m all that and a cup of tea. This is not something only I see as being wrong. Also, don’t know what “goji” means so you’ll have to define that.

Celeb, if there is no conflict between your original post and last comment then you are spending most of the late afternoon and some of the evening time playing with the kids, until most of them leave. I will do that if I was in your place. Your post does not make it cleaar whether you are invited as a friend, acquaintance or for your celebrity status in the community. Whatever the case maybe, you can still either make your case to the folks/friends/acquaintances, shun these events altogether or wash your hands off from being part of the “goji bahel”, if that is what events like these amount to eventually. If these are your close friends’ kids, then you can choose another day to celebrate it your chosen way. Your absence may not be felt by the kids, unless of course the “ignorant” parents set them against you.

Story, thanks for sharing that is so funny. Do they have the employees dressed up as the mouse doing the dance (eskesta)? I have to see it when I go to Addis.

Stupid, well your name says it all to describe your comments and hate to break it to you but when you’re invited the party is somewhat about you and your presence but should focus mainly on the guest of honor – the child. As far as being thankful for the invitation nope sorry it comes with a price and it’s called a gift.

Overall for those who agree that this is the appropriate way of throwing a child’s party I strongly disagree. I remember in Addis, as a child, having and attending birthday parties and it was about the child. Maybe pizza wasn’t ordered but it wasn’t a lavish get together for the adults. So when I attend these parties I know it’s a show and tell moment for the adults.

Oh yeah, I will continue attending cause I like the kids and will be there for their special day. I’m not gonna take out on the child for what their parents are not doing right.

You guys are arguing over how other people should throw a party to their own kids. It is their kids, money, friends and time. If you don’t agree with the whole concept then do not go to the party and tell the parents your reason. Otherwise just like the author herself don’t be a hypocrite. You guys still go to those gatherings and enjoy yourself. Have you considered that maybe the parents don’t know better, that is how they were raised and that is what they appreciate and not the Anglo American culture where life revolvs around the kids and that raise self-centered brats. So please save your snobbishness.

To tell you the truth guys, I don’t understand yall’s problems with this, if I was a kid and there was a gathering in my name, the more the merrier. I would be appreciative that I had a party at all. Its supposed to be for everyone, I think its the American way to just have a kids party and focus on the kids. Its the ethiopian way to incorporate kids, family and friends, and I love that about our culture. It seems some of you are Americanized and want to spoil only the kids, its part of our culture to celebrate together and go all out. All the more power to us. I haven’t thrown these types of parties but when i have kids, i definitly will and i will serve alcohol. Alcohol in other cultures like ours is accepted, and kids are not out of control as Americans, and the kids know its for adults. I think some of your are Americanized, and have American fears, whereas in ethiopia you know they drink THEJE or SAMBUCA in the household not to mention whiskey. And growwing up in ethiopia, there was alcohol around but i never even thought about it until now. So tell me are you “the hater’s” that out of touch with your ethiopian culture???//??/???????????????????????

I remember the table laden with a good bunch of Cherialia biscuits, lots of desta keremela, some yemar keremela, even some yegunfan kermela, anes yale defo dabo, fendisha, bale aser santim shama, a mixture of fanta, coca and canada-dry in addition to yegebs Tela or filter filled in assorted bottles, a fashko or two saris or awash vino and a bottle of ouzo. Not forgetting the injera with two or three aynet wots and coffee either. That was the way back home, and it was not because it happens on gabriel’s day.

Don’t go to these parties when invited, in fact be frank and explain why you would not come. If you have kids, when celebrating their birthday, invite only kids telling the parents to come and collect their children at a specific time.