I’ve taken notice on this here blog a lot of you Abesha wondoch are talking about what you want in an Abesha set and I think it’s time for us setoch to talk about what we look for in a man. I once heard what a man wants is, Carmen Electra in the bedroom, Julia Childs in the kitchen, and a mix of Condi rice/Halley Berry at cocktail parties. Then he woke up!
In my book there is nothing better than a confident, borderline arrogant (not an ass), street smart and a brainiac at the same time, someone who is opinionated as hell and always in control of his life. Now that’s a man for you! It's alright for a guy to be sensitive as long as he's not pulling out a handkerchief every second. Have I met this perfect Abesha man? I did once upon a second, wrong timing, but I know he exists in all men, Abesha and non- Abesha’s. Dating is a game, you fantasize a list of what you want in him and he does the same. Then it’s a matter of matching the numbers with the letters and hoping to find the right match so the game can begin.
Dear Abesha Wondoch: The one thing most women don't care for is the physical appearance. Physical performance…live and learn you’re not born a stallion so stop trying to front. And stop talking about going south, southwest, southeast, Antarctica it makes you sound like a fool! The real southerners don’t need maps, instructions and a how to seminar so chill! A woman needs a man who’s sensitive but tough, someone who will be there when things are rough.
These days a woman can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan so ask yourself one question…what can I offer her, not what can I buy her because she’s already all about the Benjamin’s. Offer her your sincere fikir, understanding, and support. You see when you got your confidence together a woman will be on you like white on rice. It’s simple…take care of her and she’ll take care of you, you play her and she’ll play you! The one-way rule doesn’t work in a relationship that’s only for street signs, you can change lanes but God forbid you make the wrong turn and BAM it’s over! Now how much fun is life on a one-way street!
At parties…when you start acting like a puppy, with its tail tucked between its legs, you’re a turn off. If you’re too nervous to approach her then don’t stare. If you’re not going to make a move then just chill, the wrong move, will earn you a chew and spit you out session with her girlfriends. If you act nervous it’s a turn off. If you fumble your words it’s a turn off. Please don’t drink and drive over to her, to get your mack on, have a sip or two to kill the nerve but don’t numb it out all together. If you approach her like endene man ale she’ll say hell yeah! Just be yourself and she can’t help but like you and eventually love you.
I do feel sorry for some Abesha wondoch who have to do all the work to get her only to find she’s not staying. The reality is women always have the upper hand because we generally don’t have to make the first move. So be cool about everything and have the embee betel men alabet attitude and make us squirm for you. It’s ok to let her take you out sometimes, it doesn’t strip you of your manhood, it shows you’re confident. One last thing…stop with the, “if I buy you a drink and you drink it up, you’re coming home with me” attitude. I’ve finally spoken my peace now let The Game begin!
Published by November 19th, 2006 in Dating and Social.Send this post to a friend
ha hah ahahahhahhahah hahaha
ah ahahahha hahaha hahahha
and again ha ah aha hah hahahha; this was so funny, but thank you, a real how to from a woman not a girl! most of the things you said seem accurate enough to me!
but their is a difference between a woman and a girl. so
you said woman do not care about physical appearance, yes but girls do, if I was a borcham shererit I don’t think I would have too much luck in the ladies department.
You said woman could care less about going downtown to shop for satisfaction; I don’t know about that… yes you might get her.. but you can’t keep her… woman are like dogs just like men.. they will go astray if you don’t throw a bone once in a while…
bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan
Thank you for that . If all habesha women can relate to this, what about some help in the kitchen, you know , help frying the bacon in the pan? Agerbet , you either have a serategna or woman stay at home so , it works fine. Woman handel the kitchen there. Whats up with the habesha wendoch ( with some rare exceptions ) comming to the states and asking us to cook? they expect us to be in the kitchen . It doesnt matter how long they have livedhere , how “open” they are …. hello, we work as hard as you , dont have times as much as you dont so…. please habesha wendoch claim your place in the kitchen -it is a s much of a place for you as it is for us. I see this all over habesha homes in the states, and it irritates the hell out of me!!!
i was expecting some real deep insights with this post… but instead of seeing ‘the light’ i got some Common Sense.
sad to see abesha women writing a treatise on how to be seduced. no wonder they be calling Tyrone instead of Tesfaye.
i guess it just means more for those who know “the game”
Abesha wondoch have predominately tried to stick with Abesha girls regardless of horrible treatment we receive.
I was in graduate school and she was a freshman at the same college when I met her. I tried to talk to her, and she gave me the cold shoulder, time after time.
About the time I was about to graduate she asked me out, I was surprised but went with it. I fell in love with her. I am not charismatic nor handsome type I was very happy. After getting my MBA I had my choice of gigs. My plan was to work save some money and head to Ethiopia, ageren lemerdat.
I decided to stay in the area; she claimed that she shared my plans for my life. I supported her through school, she lived with me. A whole three years she didn’t want to tell neither her family nor her friends that was she living with a guy.
She made me understand that the reason was that her father would kill her. No living with a guy before marriage she said. So I paid for her school and she graduated and I asked her to marry me. She said I was the guy but it wasn’t time. She needed to get going on her career.
I had advanced in my career somewhat in the three years; the firm I was working for treated my like family and knew that it was in their best interest as an investment to keep me there. I even told them my plans to help Ethiopia. They said that they would help.
So I had the firm pull strings unethically to get her started. They had a contracting corporation give her a mid level position. Within weeks, she said that she was not in love with me and that she had a boyfriend. And even though it was three years that she lived with me I was the other guy. She claimed that she did what she had to do to make her life better.
I was deeply hurt, I lost faith in woman! I had trouble trusting woman for years after that. With that I lost my passion for charity. I isolated myself from my people, except the occasional phone call to my family in Ethiopia.
By this time I was about thirty, I decided that I was not going to pursue Ethiopian woman, most of them are very interested in how much money I make or how educated I am. To me that is all superficial, some achievement comes with opportunities. Why risk being hurt with woman that loves with their mind instead of their heart?
Eventually I met a French woman during work travels that was interested in me. She persisted through my intimacy issues created by my past relationship. I am happy to say that I am happily married with one kelis midget (as Nolawi would say) on the way. She even encouraged to pursue my goal of helping my country people. Which is now in the works with her help to give one fully paid four yr scholarship in the US for students in the countrysides, our first student came in august from sidamo region.
Yes sometimes I secretly wish that I shared my life my country woman but why bother woman that always wants… or thinks that woman have the upperhand. Relationships are about compromise! Woman in Ethiopia are much better, but once they come to the US and they see that they could use their womanhood to their advantage they do. It seems to me its what can he do for me? Is he goodlooking enough? Is he smart enough?
Sorry to digress celebratelife but the upperhand brought some bad memories!
hurt wonde I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you . But dont think that all Ethiopian women are that way . I know a lot of asazagn stories , where women were really done wrong , much worse than you ,cheat , used , abused… by habesha men. But also with non habesha people too. I wont take it as a typical character of habesha wonde . I would say it is just that there are some metfo people in this world, and move to the next perosn. Good luck with you kilis midget … need a name for her/him?
….
hurt wonde,
Thanks for sharing your life as hard as it might have felt writing it. Seems like you have a blessed life and your heart is in the right place. Glad that you were able to get back to your dreams and help your fellow country people. Now, don’t look back and don’t “secretely” wish for something. Even the thought is a disservice to your wife who helped you get back on track. Some people are inherintly bad. Experiences make some others to do what they don’t believe in. You can only control your own thoughts.
asteyayet;
I really would appreciate if you could share any story….
mine, not directly towards me, not that it has’nt happened to me…
I met a girl at a new years party in 02, we hanged out had a good time but the next day i had to go back to colorado… so she kept in touch with me over the phone… after a month she invited me to go hang out with her in her town… nothing really happened, we were no match in heaven, eventhough she thought we were… what we did was talk, or she talked mostly.. and I listened, she opened up and told me what she does for money…
she would tease older men into giving her money and taking her to vacations minamin… and i was like are u serious? she is like its ok, i dont sleep with them… I’m like i think it would have been better if you slept with them… anyways we lost touch after that…
about 2 yrs later i saw her name in the news, she was killed by a 54 yr old white man; the news said the killer called the police after he strangled her and confessed to the crime… he said that she took thousands of dollars from him; he said that she was his GF, she was about 25 at the time of her death… if i remember correctly….
Hurt Wonde,
That tells me you are a very trusting person. ARADA people like Nolawi would have foreseen this coming. At least that is my picture of Nolawi. ATFI LIJ. Is that right, Nolawi? or it is just my impression?
Anyways, when the dust settles you are the winner. Nothing is more punishing than guilt. I am sure she will live with the guilt for the rest of her life while you are having fun with your kilis lij. My name for him is KASA.
Blessings,
Nolawi, I say leave the girls for the boys. If a girl wants steroid Sam then that’s what she’ll get. If you’re looking to be seen for your physical appearance then that’s how you’ll be seen by the girls and the women.
Borcham shererit? Hahahaha can’t even visualize it but did you know in some species of shereritoch the male spider is eaten by the female after mating or he’s kicked to the curb to die by his lonesome?
“woman are like dogs just like men.. they will go astray if you don’t throw a bone once in a while…” I think you’re barking up the wrong tree, arrrrrr woof! You can throw all the bones you want, Mr Lassie, but if you have nothing else to offer astray she will do followed by a breakup/divorce. “Hi how are you honey, you look nice” or even “I’m so lucky to have you” will get you much further then any atente you throw at her.
“You said woman could care less about going downtown to shop for satisfaction” I didn’t say that but…never assume your current girlfriend wants what your ex girlfriend needed….no two are ever alike just like your needs and wants are not the same as your male friends.
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Ethioset…talk to me girl, some men do think they can reap the benefits of the stock without investing one damn penny. Aint that something I say no dividends until the stock is fully matured. If he refuses to grow up and take responsibility then drop him off at the corner of Reality blvd and Check Point Avenue. Remember to dust off your hands and move on to bigger and better things.
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Adam, Sorry I couldn’t provide more of the how to. This is not a seduction note but rather a treat us right declaration. If Tyrone can provide what Tesfaye doesn’t even think about hey the game is on…..love doesn’t discriminate.
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Hurt wonde, I’m sorry to hear of your horrible experience but your hurt is a blessing in disguise, you were able to accomplish your ultimate dream and find true love. You’re lucky you didn’t see the truth after the I do’s cause you would’ve been paying alimony right about now. Have you heard Aaron Neville’s song “Everybody plays the fool” because we’ve all been there! You fool me once shame on you, you fool me twice shame on me.
Some women & men do need a reality check like yesterday, no doubt. My cousin dated an Abesha set that tried to do him the way your ex did you and one day he just about had it and told her to pack her bags and get out…Ewedeshalew belesh yabedkulesh meselesh? She found herself renting a room in a home and trying to plead her case but it was too late, he was done, finito. This is exactly the reason I wanted to make a point on how the one-way rule just doesn’t work in relationships.
I once heard “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Congratulations on your upcoming bundle of joy!
Nolawi that is a scary story ! I will share one of the stories …
I knew a girl that from back home. Really pretty, long hair big beautiful eyes ,and very timid … all the men were going crazy fro her is Addis … I came before her , here to the states. Then I heard that she met this guy from “America” and he was very handsome, nice guy promised her the world …… they fell in love so they got married and she came to the states. The minute she came here everything changed, he locked her in the house, wouldn’t allow her to go out anywhere …. She found lots of weird things at his place , women’s cloths , underwear … when she tried to confront him he became abusive ( beating here up I have seen the scars..) . Finally she contacted friends …some tried to help some were scared to be in between a “balina mist”. so she finally left him one day , because at that time she became pregnant with their first baby and he hit her in the stomach ! she went to her friends… gin the guy threatened to divorce her a (you know legally they had to be married for 2 years) and also threatened her friends to stay away from it. We told her it’s ok; there are people who can help minamin…. But amazingly she chose to go back to him. She moved back to his place and they are still together … I tried to keep in touch but she stated to say things are ok… he has changed and somehow I don’t buy that but. I haven’t heard about her in over two years now or so but …. I am pretty sure they are together. The guy does not want her to call us and he doesn’t want us to contact her either so…. I really don’t know the ending of the story … but that was a pretty bad situation. She is probably demoralized and so used to the life now she is numb….
Let me tell you what my Uncle told me long time about women!
This is exact break down of Misete (Wife) in Amharigna!
Misete Malet = Mi=Mitmita, Se=SeteBella, Te=Tenoralhe
M&W
wow…wonde…i want to congradulate you on your new life and success…the sadest thing is we, those single ethio girls who are decent loose the respect from others guys because of some lude, immorate girls like your ex.
how in the hell does a “/” find itself between condi rice and halle berry?
that’s on some serious bizarro ish right there.
smart one toothpick? you staying off the pot?? got an IQ of 1000 or something ???
Ethioset,
I know where you are coming from my sister, but I don’t think it is fair to generalize by saying all habesha guys. There are habesha guys who help out there wives with that house chores in regular bases. When you see a guy setting and chatting with the guests when you go over to some ones house it doesn’t mean they guy didn’t help out his wife cook. The thing I notice is that guys don’t like to be seeing in the kitchen, that is just a culture thing. I don’t know if you know this but if some one sees a man cooking instead of his wife he is called “setaset”, so can you blame the guys for finishing up their kitchen work before any one shows up in their house beside their wife or girl friend?
Hurt wonde,
Your story touched me! It is unfortunate but yes I have to agree with you that most habesha woman and man are interested in how much money you make or what your educational background is; instead of getting to know you for you.
When I was freshman in college I had a boyfriend who was also a student at that time. Whenever we went to the movie or went out to lunch I will offer to pay, but he refused to let me pay. Then one day I asked him why he insisting on paying all the time, and he said well if a habesha girl know that a guy is broke I know that she will leave him in a heart beat, so why risk it was his answer. I was so hurt to hear that! I guess he didn’t know me well when he said that to me, but after a year into our relationship he said that I proved him wrong and he also new that I was going to love him weather he has money or not. After college our relationship ended and we both went to in our separate ways. I am happy to say I am married to a wonderful guy who loves me for me not for how much money I make. Wonde I am very happy for you and Congratulations on the new baby!
Toothpick you are so funny, love your humor . Good question . Celebrate, please answer this guys question , what the hell is “/” doing between those two poeple????!!!
Didnt anyone get the joke or am i as weird as toothpick?
An abesha wonde has to be a manly man in order to get that dream abesha girl. He has to be confident, smart, slightly controlling, and oh I almost forgot, wise man. When I say controlling, I don’t mean abusive but a man that is in control, a man that can take charge, a man that can take care of his woman in all areas. Kinda like our dads. adele ladies? And of course abesha set in return has her duties to perform as well. But that is not what this article is about so I will save it for another day.
Asteyayet/Nolawi, Isn’t that interesting…my abused colleague/friend from Nigeria got right back with her husband after a huge ordeal between them. I have learned trying to help out an abused person is sometimes not worth it. She begged me to help her find an apartment, as much as I didn’t want to get involved, I did but the moment he found out what she was doing she used me as a scapegoat…she told him it was my idea! I got several threatening phone calls and that was enough for me, I knew that woman was not a friend but a fool. According to him she was very happy and I was instigating. I cannot for the life of me believe that she told him I gave her the idea. I didn’t even bother asking her why, I just let it be. I say call the police first and get advice, on her behalf, just don’t act because your life may also be on the line.
Marena-Watete, or it could also mean Misgana Setena Temesgen.
Toothpick, From your name to the last word you are always hilarious. I’m not even gonna go there with the joke, I think we got the picture. I’ll try to clean it up a bit…according to the man who made the statement – an intellect with a banging physique. I guess this would require a brain transplant. If you’re a man you may understand but if you’re a woman you’re probably shaking your head as I did the moment I heard it.
Joy2thealem, Another one of those ‘talk to me girl’ moments! Can I get a woo, woo! Oh my God I thought I was the only one who likes manly men these days! It’s funny you mention kinda like our dads…my dad is my everything and they don’t make them like that anymore….a few good men, not only a movie but our reality! The only part I don’t agree with totally is “abesha set in return has her duties to perform” I do believe in taking care of each other equally without actually defining who does what. One of my brothers is the manliest young men I know and he can cook up a meal that will put me to shame but you won’t find him bragging about it. He learned it during school when he says was his “sauté or starve” days.
Hurt wonde,
I have a friend (a very succefull guy) who is going through that kind of experience.His girl friend (man ,she is gorgeous) clearly sees $$ when she looks at him.But what can you do?
The society he were all in is so poor that whatever people say, the issue number one is material comfort.And a man is mostly valued there by his ability to bring it to his family.
Pleased to hear that you found the way out…
ha ah celebrate… more details on who toothpick is here
or you can check some more on qededa
hilarious ethiopian version of ETV’s cribs featuring zerihun Kebede… ha haahha ha ahha
hurtwonde, wow what a story. i am glad that you found what you looking for.the funny thing is that for me the most memorable or enjoyable romatic experience i had was with non-abesha girls and once upon a time i was contemplating marrying non-abesha women. i know my parent and family are cool with it. but change my mind because i just afraid what would happen after marriage putting in consideration our conservative society and their approach to non-abesha.starting with abesha folks continue their wore be amarigna eventhough non-amharic speaker sitting among them.
one thing i like about non-abesha women is that there is no hard-to-get game which you may encounter with many abesha women. 
i don’t know the stastic but i know a lot abesha men who can cook well ( including me) and its increasing.one thing you may not see much is that abesha men pumpin the iron. yeah…otherwise we are a pefect choice…hahaha..ok almost.
nolawi, why u gotta put me out in the open like that, man? hehe.
but this a hilarious pile-up of some corny sob stories. detangle yourself from “games” and “assumptions” … be yourself. be real. and then … well … que sera sera. yemin memetsadeq new, abo. teregagu, jelesoche.
Thanks Nolawi for the links….now I know why he never makes sense and has a warped sense of humor, love it! You know I live for comedy.
Toothpick, I’m glad he put you out like that we need to know who’s behind the great jokes. You are not just funny you are h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s!
Unfortunately for a lot of people ‘be yourself’ has to come with instructions and an extended warranty. It’s funny you think it’s a bunch of corny sob stories when it’s about men hmmmmm.
Let me tell you all habesha female are not diffrent from any other cultures. I have dated about 10 differnt kind of nationalities(if i rembmber right) until I settled down with one not that much good looking habesha female(which is my current wife for that last 6 years).I came down to a realize that I don’t want to have Kilise in my family(that is my personal view). But she had a beautiful heart.All the females that I wanted to settle with they have the same problems than habesha females.I finally end up saying that to get the right female it is a life time game that you have to play with your marrage. They are certain things that female likes wether they from Togo or Persian…to be treated as a queen. If you give them yenee konjo…men lameta…eshee…you will have a good life with out being nagged every morning and u will get what you need.
Peace.tata
Tatatye: You stated that… “I have dated about 10 differnt kind of nationalities(if i rembmber right)”
Menewu Menewu, BedeHena neew 10 Yetelyaye wondoch yawetashiewu??
If you remember correctly! LOL
I have no words for you but one thing… Hope you use CONDOMS??
Keep it safe,
M&W
hey marena I think TaTa is a guy…. not a girl…. Welcome to bernos – love what u had to say…
Stay around TaTa!
Celebrate…Atta gurl!Great piece indeed. You nailed it with , it’s a two-way street…I second that all the way!
the rule of the day is..if you are ready to do for your partner what you request of him/her with honesty added to that mix, you’re good to go.
Hurt wonde, you know what they say…
…yup! you have made you dream come true so I’d say it’s a blessing in disguise.
Tata darling…oooh..the numbers and the choices…it reminds me of a line from some Amaregna drama..” min libla, min libla, min libla…”
hahahaha….temelkach….that was funny man..i think i remember the drama…derege-na-habte?
I think every man knows what every woman wants but the problem is how we would like to commite into doing things for that certain individual. Women take relationships too seriously and that is a big turn off for most men. We would like to work hard for what we get so we would act dumb so that women leave us alone. More like doing them a favor without being broken hearted. I can be romantic as hell and at the same time, I can play dumb. That is just the nature.
For merena, TaTa (ጣጣ i presume) is female
Hum, interesting that.
I tells what he thinks about the whole topic
M&W- I am a dude…dawg! … and I think you have to try different females before you tie the knot. I did what I have to do when I was a in my twenties…
tata.
Tata darling, this now feels like what the elders say about travelling the world before you decided to settle in one city…do you think the analogy fits…;)
You got that right bro./sis.! By the way, it is not what I wanted to do. If i knew then what I know now, I would have settled with the first one. Because I did not see any diffrence between all of them except me accepting them. When it boils down, they are all the same.\
Bless,
TaTa
Tata, tata, tata you represent man with “If you give them yenee konjo…men lameta…eshee…you will have a good life without being nagged every morning and u will get what you need.” May your marriage last 50 more years.
M&W exactly what part of what Tata said made you think he was a she?
Selata, Please don’t act dumb for our sake if it’s not in your nature to do so. Where is the Timatim?
Okay, changing the subject a little bit. Because of my past relationship with my ex-wife. Well, let me back up for a sec. I was with my ex for 5 years straight before we decided to get married. I was her first, and she was my (…counting fingures…) anyway, everything between us was right (so we thought) I was 24 and she was 21. We went a head and got married anyway at early age. Lived together for a year, and finally got divorced. The funny thing was that our wedding video wasn’t even ready when we divorced. People were still chewing the last “GurSHa” they had at our wedding when we divorced. AnyWHO, what happened? don’t ask… the problem i am faced with now is that I became a player just after I got divorced. I date women from left to right, any women I ask, I get. I had girls calling me from all over the states thinking they were my only girl friends. I play along with it. But now, it seems that this was getting too old. I am now 28, still young. But my taste for marriage has dissapeared and I honestly don’t know if I want to get married again. I had taken a great lesson from my past and I think now, I would make a great husband, my problem is wheather or not, I should commit myself to it again. By the way, my ex was a nice girl. I think I was the problem. But now I am faced with the dilema. I feel bad about our Ethiopian sisters. I believe, any man has a chance to make it right with any woman if he acts right. I want to act right, but I don’t know if I want to. any advice??????????
Chelema,
I definitely am not a counselor and suggest that you see one. But here is my suggestion. Two things I liked about what you said:
1. You think you can make a better husband now.
2. Your ex was a nice girl. It was you who was the problem.
You sound like you have grown up so much since the divorce.
My wish and my suggestion for you if at all possible is to get back together with your ex. You guys are young enough to start all over again.
I am aware that there is a lot to your story than what you can write in one paragraph and that my suggestion is ideal. But it would be nice to see you guys together.
Blessings,
I’ll recommend ya all Chelema like fellas to watch a movie by Woody Allen (my favorite director and actor)it’s called “Anything Else”. It’s a piece of art that shows you how art imitate life or vice versa. And in the end, you all would say “life is as anything else”.
Dinich,Thanks for the advice. Getting back with my ex is a big no no… Here is why, Eventhough she is nice and beautiful, still wasn’t enough for me because she don’t think that my dreams are big enough to be persued. By that I mean, she wants me to keep working at my regular day job(which by the way is fantastic, given I have an MBA), and have kids and start a big-ol family. There is nothing wrong with that either, I am sure most women want that. But my problem is that I do not see myself working for other people and I wanted to have my own thing going. She was 100% against it. We fought about it all the time if I brought it up to the table. Ever since I was a kid, I knew what I wanted to be and what makes me happy. She thinks I am wasting my time, so we decided to go about our own way. Funny thing is that ever since our divorce, I went after what I should’ve gone after interms of career and now I can honestly say that I have accomplished that.Second, she is a little sulfish, by that I mean she won’t even allow my own mother, and little sister to come live with us. Okay here is whats crazy about it. I am where I am today because of my family. They never asked anything from me while I was in school. They paid for my undergrad education and sent me to the finest school in US, but after I graduated and even went further with my MBA, I thought it was time that I return the favor, so I decided to help educate my little sister(my angel) by living with us. My ex went ballistic about that. She insisted that my sister gets a loan and live on her own. I said NO(put my foot down). The end result was DIVORCE. I did it mostly because of the things I value in life and that is good will and family. Now, my ex’s point was well taken. She wanted us to start a family, she found that I wasn’t just ready for that yet. We were both stubern and sulfish I guess, I could compromise in some ways but when it comes to my family (sorry, I won’t even appologize for it). My ex has a little brother too, I was happy to see him come live with us if he so chooses while he was going to school, but NOOOOOOOOOOO, she won’t go for that either. So I said to myself, may be this ain’t gonna work out after all. One thing about me that I am very generous, until I realize people are actually taking advantage of me. Now when it comes to kids(I love’em), I have already adopted two beautiful kids from Ethiopia and also brought my neice and nephew to live with us and my mother and my little sister. I don’t think I want to have kids, I just want to keep adopting and turning my home a big-ol children camp(no, just a big family). Anyway, this is why I am scared of committing again because it takes a special woman to take all this and say, okay… I love what you do and I’m with you eye-to-eye, so let’s make this family even bigger…so and so… I am a great believer of good-will doing. I feel obligated to help those in need. My mother pressures me and still sweats me to get married and have kids of my own, my usual answer to her was that I will just keep adopting and they will be my kids, as far as wife is concerned…i don’t know, may be it will come when it comes. So…”LemeQuaCHET” my ex and I will never get back together. What I am doing is too much for her to handle.
Chelema,
The good news is you’ve vision and you’re well aware what makes you happy. You brought a good issue about family and marriage in our culture. I’ve seen so many people’s life broken apart because of our unique culture. Individual life is not part of us so, when you marry a person particularly from Ethiopia (i think Indians have similar culture),you would marry the family too. It’s kinda weird, but it’s wise to talk blank & white about your family issues along with yours before you commit yourself into the relationship. I’m not religious person, but i believe our destiny is already out there so, somebody out there would come along with you. Your adopted kids, are they from Ethiopia? I would love to hear from you how the process works.I chose to have one child and i would love to adopt a child from Ethiopia. If i know somebody, you’ll be my # list to hook you up.
Juru, thanks for you comment. YES the kids I adopted are from Ethiopia. They are great. They make me smile all day long and I just can’t seem to stop doing out door activities with them. They smart too. Anyhow, if you want to adopt(assuming you’re american citizen), it’d be easy to go with an adoption agency from the states. It would cost you a little more but the process is smooth. I would suggest ADOPTION ADVOCATES. They are very helpful. But make sure that’s what you wanna do, ’cause there is no turning back once you broght those kids over. I am thinking of bringing a couple more in the near future. About your comment about family and how we naturally integrate with the other person’s family is true. But I think that should be a given in any culture. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to live my own life from time to time, have my own privacy and my wife’s, but this can all be acheived toghether through mutual understanding. To me, any family is an important family(mine or my future wife’s). I am dating this chick now from Ethiopia. Even though she says its all cool with her and everything, something tells me she’s lying. I am afraid of committing with her because I don’t want this to become a problem in the future ’cause quite honestly, I am kinda bumbed out from my last divorce and I don’t want to go through another one. So I guess time will tell.
Oh shit, I forgot to mention… we are about to jump on the turkey in just about … 6 minutes. Big ass turkey(Oh I am the cook, just so you know). My mom prepared TeLa and TEj. ameGet f*ked up tonight for real. I love Tej. Hope you’all are gangin’ up on the turkey…good stuff.
Chelema, quite a trip!
I have a very limited experience with marriage and I ain’t no counsellor but you’d have to get married to a person who’s as passionate about your cause to feel completely backed up by the future wife.Or else you would need to be ready to compromise or learn to understand that some women would feel like they’re not as centre of your life as they thought originally when you invited someone to live with you. I am not laying judgements here but it seems to me that your ex-wife wanted to start a life with you with no other supporting roles that would require her social skills (if you know what I mean)there and although hers is to the extreme, expect to find it in a lot of Habesha Women so instead of avoiding it, be upfront and reassure. If the issue is that the woman feels they’re in her space…Mariam Terdah
YECHIBO AMLAK YIMESKIR…(I like that saying) anyway, thanks for the feedback. Now I can’t even think ’cause of this damn turkey. Ohhhhh, My stomach is about to burst. Anyhow, I feel your comment. Its not an easy thing to ask a woman if she could share your life with other people. But what can I do? I don’t accept life for what it is. It should be bigger than just two people living together. I have to have people around me to share my success that includes my wife and my children. But all those poor children back home, if they could only be given a chance. You should see the smile these kids faces today. two years ago, they were in an orphanage sharing a single room with 10 other kids, eating the same kinda food everyday. But now I have given them a chance to be what they can be, and I feel proud of that. I would like to see these kids grow up to be strong men and women and perhaps follow my legacy. That’s why I am saying, I don’t think marriage is in the herizon for me. A woman that comes to my life would have to be so darn strong and understanding and have a similar view of life itself. I have yet to find that woman. But then again I am kinda getting bored of just getting laid to fulfill my natural desire. But I have to do it otherwise I go crazy. Oh well, you’all have a great thanksgiving. Oh and by the way, you guys should become members of ONE.ORG, and if you are ever in the Chicago area, I will be hosting an event on behalf of ONE.ORG(A campaign to make poverty history). God bless.
Okay ladies and gents, I am sorry I had to change the subject because honestly, I don’t know how to post a new topic on this blog(SORRY). Anyway, here is what I am thinking…who is interested in writing a screenplay that tells a story about habesha wondoch and habesha setoch, just like the movie Hitch. What I am offering is that I will produce and direct the film, we’ll shoot the film any where you want, you just have to come up with a really cool script. I have the industry standard high definition camcorders along with HOLLYWOOD’S most favorite editing software. The same software used to edit KING KONG, DEJA VU AND SO ON. I have everything you need for filming, you just have to come up with a great script. Anyone interested can check out my website http://www.ethiofilms.com . Contact me and let’s put this issue on motion picture…. anyone interested????????????/
DINICH,
Even though you have a positive attitude about Chelema, I literally don’t think so he should go back to his ex after 4 or 5 years. It looks like they have gone their own way and grown.
Chelema,
I love your decision…and amazed that you adapted an Ethiopian. I was watching opera yesterday and saw Adanech which does not have one leg and one hand but she knows how to swim. She is adapted by white Americans. I cried when I see her strengths to do all that, most people have all the potential and worry about student loan, credit score…bla…bla…bla, something that we shouldn’t worry about.
Besides, I like the way you said about family, FAMILY COMES FIRST , I had the same problems with one ex-girl she likes to pretend that she is all that for my friends but when it come to family no…no..no…keep it up. Let me put my two cents bringing somebody in your house. I’ve lived with my sister the frist 5 years while I was going to school, her husband was African American and much more nicer person that most Habesha men. I wouldn’t know what to do if she was married to habesha men. I am not saying that there are nice habesha out there. But he is the best. While I was living with them the only thing that she told me is “as long as you are in school you can live” that motivate me to focus. Living in the states with on paying school and rent is like living in heaven. So, I support you 100% if you have the money to support your relatives or person who needs support you and you future wife has to be on the same page. Otherwise it ain’t going to work.
Chelema,
Send me the link for the ONE.ORG event. I’ve friends who live in Chicago area and they may go. Peace out!
Got one question for habesha wendoch . Ladies dont get mad at me for saying this , because I know a lot of abesha women dont think the same way I do about dating , and you abesha guys , dont think I am one of those cheap people going after any guy , or desperate for a date….
I am kind of new to the town I am in, got a new job and moved . I am in my mid twenties , not a lot out going but know my way around and know one or two or three abesha people …. . I dont have real ” good friends” that I hang out with all the time, left all my friends and family in the place where I used to live before I moved “here” . I want a guy iin my life , not only jkust a man but a good abesha man … someone to be a good company . I have lived here so long and in the american culture one can go to a bar meet some poeple etc etc , through work , or even you can just go online , post an ad or even . How do you do it with our so concervative , everybody knows – everybody , I wont date you till I know who your friend/ dad/ zemed/..is…. Can I get a decent Ethiopian guy ? if so how, how do you go about getting to know a decent Et. man without all zemed/friend/friend of a friend introducing him to you ?
Chelema, I applaud you for living your dream. If everyone cared enough about the children in this world we would have some healthy adults to look forward to.
As far as divorce I have never believed in it because I believe I DO is definite. I am not placing judgement on you and your decision. I am a strong believer that once you have made a decision to marry a person you are also accepting them as your new family. I come from a very close knit family but I am very conservative as far as placing priority over a husband/wife over your biological family. I also don’t support living with in laws because that is usually a receipe for disaster. I have chosen not to be married due to this exact reason. I have yet to meet a guy, Abesha or otherwise, that would accept that as a condition of marriage. Yes, many will promise you the world but they don’t practice what they preach. I also admire you for admiting your fault in the marriage and stating what is important to you.
I guarantee you, with your new found knowledge of yourself, you will meet the one that will share your dream.
I wish you the best of luck and God’s blessings for you and your kids.
celebratelife, Thanks for the advice. I agree with you on the whole philosophy of saying “I DO” and letting it STICK. But marriage life ain’t really that simple specially when you’re young. I do not regret any of the decisions I made regarding that aspect of my life. If anything, it made me a BETTER MAN. On the other hand, family is very important. You can not isolate your family from your life even if you’re married. It just has to be mutually agreed upon before marriage. Our culture definitely does not help. But at any rate, I treat women with the at most respect because I believe they deserve it, and I dont expect the same respect back. I do it because I believe its the right thing to do. But in my life, what’s important is not just the two of us having the greatest time of all, people in need would have to benefit from my success and its not just because I owe it to them, again, its because “ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO” I know this could be a little to the extreme, but hey…”LIFE AIN’T TOO SHORT, ONLY IF YOU MAKE IT OUT TO BE, LIFE IS FULL OF ADVENTURE AND ITS ALWAYS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE”. But again, time will tell. Your comment though is greatly appreciated. you’re cool!
Chelema,
You’ve adopted two kids, you’ve multiple girlfriends, you recently started up your own business, by 24 you’d a MBA, you can’t have enough of outdoor activities with your kids, and you cooked the Thanksgiving turkey. Naturally, I imagine there’s more to your life than what came out on a few posts here.
Dude, I’m just curious … how many hours are there in your (wakeful) day?
New Kid,
You’ve already so many negative aspect of life about friends,women,habesha wondoch and who knows what else left. First, you need to work on within yourself and try to get rid off your negative energy. Your message had negative energy from the beg. to end. Stop saying “i need a guy in my life”. That’s a turn off for many people out there. You sound like you’re set to go and hurt poor habesha. If you want to do it all by yourself, why don’t you move to Washington D.C and stand at the corner of 14, 18 or 16 st. you’ll meet plenty habesha’s without being introduced by zemed… With this attitude you got, i’m afraid that they’ll pass you by. Grow up kid.
Tobian, I hope you didnt make use of a calculator while you were doing the mathematical “SELET”. Anyhow, in response to your curiousity, Thanksgiving only happens to be a once a year thing. Anybody can find time for that. Getting an MBA only takes two years if you do it fulltime just like I did, and sometimes even less than two years. Getting your BS can be acomplished at the age of 21 or 22 if you started school early which most kids do these dayz. Out door activities with the kids can certainly be done after work on weekdays and during most of the weekends. And the start of a business? well, that’s what I do monday-friday from 7 to 5 pm most days. So you see, even 24 hours day is still too long, and much could be accomplished within those hours. You were also right when you said there is more to my life than what is posted on this blog. Oh, the girl friends???????? shit forgot about them. Just so you know, I do not have a girl friend in the city I live in. Not because I did not want to, but there ain’t that many cool habesha chicks here, ONLY a few of them and you’d have to dig a hole to find them. Like I said, most of the girls I dated live out of state, they usually come to visit me and sometimes, I go to see them on the weekends(if I get horny,,,lol). But don’t be too curious because I know people who are far more busier and people who lead a more hectic life. But you raised a good point. Should people spend most of their time watching tv and just doing non-value added stuff? Unfortunately, many people spend most of their day doing a non-value-added stuff. Take a look at your own life and re-examine everything you do and ask yourself a question “Am I doing something that is value-added?” Usually the answer is “NO” why? because as human beings, our system is designed for that. That is why we have the “BILL GATES” and the “HOMELESS” Only a hand full of poeple are restless. I don’t think my day is hectic, and I certainly don’t consider myself the busiest guy. I get lazy at times just like everyone else. I like to sit on my butt and watch tv all day at times, but if you see some other people, you’ll be amazed with how much stuff they accomplish at any given day. So how does your normal day go?
Chelema,
Silet. nice. haven’t heard that in a while. (BTW, a new kind of q’nae needs to be introduced – hibre-qal as a result of spelling Amharic words in the greek alphabet. Silet can be calculations, church offerings, the sharp edge of a knife, or ‘about the letter t’. But I digress.)
My normal day … never feels as fruitful as one wishes. Just gotta keep trying to make th next day better. No boyfriends, no kids, no mba, still a corporate slave, and no, no TV nor Thanksgiving (which should be renamed to ‘native American memorial day’, or something) turkey. Yup, yup … that is my best :p
Having said that, I believe that was a bit of a simplification about the state of the homeless, as well as fortunes of Bill Gates.
Dear Abesha wondoch was fun to read, and as a woman i understand your frustrations. It sounds great to suggest they help out in the kitchen. However, would you really want to eat any type of ” wot” made my wondoch. They would have no clue how to make it. I for one tasted one made by my b-friend who cooked Shiro. Shiro is the easiest to make but can u believe he used eggs in it. I took a bite and i was like someting it not right here. I asked what did u add & he said eggs. I almost threw up. Even the color of the ” shiro” was not the usual yellow or red. It was almost brown. I don’t mind if they cook western food. But Habesha food i just don’t know about that.
Chelema, I do agree never regret anything you do because it was the right decision at that time. I always say enjoy your life because this is not a dress rehearsal and you’re doing just that.
You always need your family, married or not, but consider putting your wife’s needs before theirs. Even after saying I do you are two separate individuals with a common interest your marriage and all I’m saying is make that a priority. By no means do I support totally and completely shelving your family because you will always need them.
I do have to let you know though making a statement like, “I treat women with the at most respect because I believe they deserve it, and I don’t expect the same respect back.” Will only open doors for the co-dependent females of this world that will drain you, emotionally and financially, for every drop of blood you’re willing to donate. Let them work as hard for you as you are working for them. Not only should you expect the same respect you’re giving but you should demand it.
Mimi, I know what you mean about some Abesha men not being able to cook Abesha food but honey I got news for you…I know an Abesha guy who is the best no, no correction “the bestest” cook specializing in Abesha megeb. I can’t even come close to how well he cooks doro wat. Yes, I consider myself a very (if I may brag a little) good cook but I was totally embarrassed the first time he cooked for me and I argued he hired someone to do it until his brother told me otherwise. I don’t challenge a man in the kitchen anymore as I used to. The egg in the shiro guy should be banned from entering any kitchen (including an in store showroom) ever again. That was really funny.
Celebratelife, your comment is duly noted. Let me simplify it a little. Naturally, I don’t ask nor highly demand to be respected. It always happens to fall on my lap because I try to earn the respect from the other person. A woman with a decent brain in her head wouldn’t wait until I demand to be respected. A great writer once said, when you put so much energy on what you do, the whole world would naturally be attracted to you, and when they show up, teach them so they too can have the same effect on you. There are women who are just dying to find that man who they can rip off emotionally and financially at the same time, but those women just don’t know any better. I agree with most of what you said, specially putting my wife’s needs before my families. That’s a given and a wife deserves to be given that privilage no doubt about that. It just should not be a competition between the two. There are also borders that must not be crossed. I believe any family(the women’s or the men’s side) could come in between the marriage and attempt to destroy it, usually that happens, but no man should get in the way of his wife and her family, he should however embrace it, welcome them to his family and be there for them when they need him. Same thing goes for the woman. But then again, there are so many variables to be considered here.
Mimi, Enqulal-be-shiro….yum yum yum. I had a woman one time that tried to impress me by cooking and you know wha she made? “Enqulal-be-shiro” she didn’t just boil the egs and throw them in there, she cracked the raw eggs and added to the shiro when it was just about ready to come off the stove. She received a big applaud and appreciation from my end, because you know why, its the gesture that counts. Don’t hold anything against this dude, otherwise he would be hesitant to do anything for you in the future. I don’t know about you but that Shiro really tasted good (…then we made love afterwards). Sometimes, the guffiest things are the most attractive things. I hope he didn’t have to rush you to the hospital, now that would have been too embarassing.
Hi Chelema,
I am so impressed when I read your story. I never heard of any Ethiopian who is very helpful like you. That is my dream of living my life. One thing that makes me happy is when I help people who are in need than go out shopping. May God Bless you more and more so that you can make a difference. I wish we can have lots of people who can think and wants to do this kind of charrity work like u do. By the way do u live in Chicago?
Hope to hear from you. Good luck finding your better half.
Your Ethiopian sister.
wow…chelema..i am same aga as you and my heart is to adopt two kids from ethiopia and give them a better life…it is nice to hear that some one is doing it and it is do able….i am assuming there is no age limit? but what is the finance i need to do that….can you send me the info pls.
by the way a really wife comes from the Lord….so if u want someone who shares your dreams….just wait upon the lord….i do not mean to preach but if you ever get a chance read Proverb 31.
Dearest Chelema !
Thanks for the inspiring and personal story you shared with us. One thing I want to say is that U R very lucky and should be proud of acheiving your dreams in terms of your carrer and helping family and those in need…I’m girl in my mid 20s and in the process of trying to figure out what makes me really happy as a carrer…. Ya I went to a good College and work for a good company and have a good job and doing grad school…..blah blah, but what I’m doing now is not my passion or what I want to do…blah blah blah….it takes trial and error (life experiance) to find what you really want to do as a carrer for some…..and I applaud you for going after your dream regardless of the consequances.
Ya getting married is fun if you find the right person, but trust me for an ambitious, open minded and nice person like you ….there will be someone who would LOVE to share your world and passion..as far as you being a player and not a committed person….U might want to see a counsler….u will be surprized how much they can help !
Here is the url link for the adoption agency(http://www.adoptionadvocates.org/AAI/Home.htm). They are an American agency and have contacts in Ethiopia. If you go through the process on your own, it might take years, but these guys can do it in just about 6 months. Good luck people, its a rewarding experience all the way around. make sure to sign the declaration at ONE.ORG (a campaign to make poverty history) and also check out http://www.invisiblechildren.org and become part of the story.
Sorry guys I meant to write http://www.invisiblechildren.com Great organization fighting the cause.
Thank you ‘chelema’ God bless you for what u are doing..Good luck with life.
I came through these at night after wondering if I should start messing with HABESHA SATOCH but like all the men saying in their messege once they come here their whole different animal. Why is this we would love you and care for you but we’re far away from our motherland and we hoping that one day we could go back home and build our country. Most of us I believe we come here to make money and go back to our family however 99% of us aren’t going back b/c we put ourself in a difficulty of situation. Anyway the moral of these story try to understand that not all of us are in a clear of state of mind here in the US or outside our country, so lets try to work together to keep our tradition alive and love our people because we’re not in Ethiopia we see the bigger picture here, people in Ethiopia are segregated by race especially ON this regime so if we love one another and see what we can accomplish together as partners man+woman instead of hating on each other and going with different race and change our future ways of life destroying our heritage.
we can e-mail.@ addis54321@yahoo.com
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS ETHIOPIA/ABYSINNIA LAND OF HEART.
ONE OTHER THING WHEN YOU GO BACK HOME DON’T SPENT ANYTHING YOU MAKING THEM THINK THESE MONEY COMES EASY FOR SOME PEOPLE DOESN’T. THANK YOU ADDIS/ABRAHAM
interesting Abraham…
i agree with with dear abraham…
Ummm…Chelema, I have to wonder if you are for real or if you’re tying to get a raise out of the bloggers! Any how, you are creating a “small fan club”
But, I also had to agree with blenmark’s comments about Proverbs 31. READ IT~ for a good wife is a gift from the Lord. And I know you men are going to love this…also, the wife is required to submit to her Husband. Ofcourse the husband must also submit to Christ on the same scale.
Anyways, I also wanted to kind of defend your ex a little and see if I could add my 2cents to the whole situation.
For one, I have to second the onetime I DO deal! But, also, I am very impressed on how you’ve taken ownership of the “failures in the marriage”. But, also I do hope you understand that when you marry, you’re “leaving your parents to become one with your wife”. Your primary responsiblity is in the HOME.
Then next time around (and there will be a next time you’re only 28)you have to remember that your wife and your children are your responsiblity, as you are the HEAD of the HOUSEHOLD…(if you expect your wife to submit, then you have to be the leader)…The first year of your marriage should be used to build your relationship and figure out ways on how to build a lasting relationship. (the foundations of your marriage are set during that time period). If you bring your MOM (mother-in-law syndrome, and your sister) to live with you while you don’t have a “foundation” with you wife 1. she is out numbered in the “household” 2. she is living with the mother-in-law which is a story of it’s own etc. I could go on and on….but, I just want to sign off by saying…you were young and you’ve made a mistake but, don’t write of marriage on that account.
Marriage could be very gratifying and really a “place of refuge” if it is done right. There are formulas that you must follow to get it right…(if you’re interested in finding out) email me
Stay strong!
wow…wondering…i agree with what u say excpet the formula…love & life does not have a formula except both need to submitt to each other with love not with pride and ego.
i believe the foundation of every marriage is GOD if you let him be part of your marriage he won’t let you down but gives u the strenght to come over every obstactle.
Marriage is from God…that is how i see it.
Wondering, I couldn’t agree with you more, which is why I think marriage will be a little too dificult for me at this stage of my life. And trust me when I say this, my ex and I were great together, we looked good together, people used to envy us for being such a wonderful couple. But the dark side of it was we couldn’t agree on one issue that mattered most to both of us. My mother does not want to live with us. Believe it or not, she even encouraged that I get back to my ex since she wasn’t even here when we split up and she still doesn’t know that the argument was also about her living with us. The kids part is what came after my ex and still she wasn’t in support of that. I needed to quit my job so I can start my own company, my ex was totally against it. So it was obvious that I committed to something at such a young age without realizing the consequences. So it was okay to split up if it didn’t work out. We both grew apart from one another. But back to your comment though, I used to say the exact same thing you just said. And I still believe that is how it should be, but in the real world, things don’t exactly work out that way. One thing I can say for sure is that marriage is probably one of the most beautiful things that any human being should experience. I loved my ex and some part of me still does, but I also know, we are two completely different people. I do not blame her for the breakage of our marriage (if there is someone to blame, its me). She was being who she was and I respect her for being mature about the split up and for still staying as one of my best friends. But we were just not meant to be. One thing I haven’t told you guys before is that I am also moving back to Ethiopia. At the start of the millennium, the kids and I will officially be residing in Addis Ababa(this part was A BIG NO NO to my ex-wife). She does not see her self living in Ethiopia ever. So, its a lot complicated than how you described it. But your point is well taken and I do hope that my future wife will be my last.
I didn’t have anything to say, I just wanted to change the post count on this topic as it was stuck on a number that could be mis-construed by women as sexually suggestive and a conspiracy by men to.
Hey, it’s Friday! lol
Oh my God Abraham, Do you really exist? Your ideas and thoughts bring tears to my eyes.
Blenmark, “Marriage is from Godthat is how I see it.” That is true but God only guides you to the truth but will not do the work for you. I am religious but I don’t like being too comfortable in thinking I can relax and kick back because God will work it out for me. Relationships in general (marriage or not) are a lot of work everyday is a battle of getting it right. Always keeping in mind never to take your partner for granted and always keeping your end of the bargain to ensure you keep each other satisfied and happy, in every way. It’s work but, it’s wonderful work. God helps those who help themselves. Don’t know if it’s in the bible but if not it should be.
I like Chereka (#70), he/she is just too cute for words. Thanks for looking out for the sistas!
I just don’t understand how heartless some women can be.. I mean how could you be with a guy knowing that you don’t love him just for money? I mean gif ayferum ende? Wonde, i don’t want to say I’m sorry because you actually came out on top. Things always work out for those with a good heart.
Celebratelife – thank you for your honesty… Very well said.. and I do agree with everything you said. Also, I think most women are in denial about what they want. What they are actually attracted to and what they think they want are often very far apart.
Anyway.. what the hell is going on? Have you noticed that most Ethiopians in the US who are in their late 20’s and 30’s are not married.. People are even going into their 40’s single….
Hey Nebiyou, I don’t mean to go feminist on you here but I don’t believe it’s only the women’s problem. If ppl stop looking at signs and be real then being on the receiver and sender end of the communication will not be so hard. You won’t be wondering what he meant, or she meant n’ drama like that. Things don’t happen overnight, they’re gradual changes and if you started out looking out and wondering what she meant by this n’ that comment all along,it’s bound to build into a certain silent misunderstanding which blow up leaving the ppl wondering what the heck happened. So the way I see it, it ain’t a Q of heartless ppl, it’s just an early communication breakdown that was unattended.
Temelkach,
I agree to some extent but don’t you think being too real could actually have an adverse reaction. I know women think they want us to be “real” “honest” minamin, but in reality you can never be too real or too honest. If you are too honest or too real that may just be a relationship killer. A little bit of mystery is an important ingredient in a relationship.. If you know everything there is to know about a person, would you still be fasinated by that person? Just a thought….
Nebiyou/Temelkach
Temelkach, I’m with you on this one..”If ppl stop looking at signs and be real then being on the receiver and sender end of the communication will not be so hard.” GAMES JUST DON’T WORK, actually they’re a waste of time. Why dance around hoping the person you’re interested in will get the hint and feel the same way. That ‘hope’ is a relationship breaker.
Nebiyou, “A little bit of mystery is an important ingredient in a relationship.. If you know everything there is to know about a person, would you still be fasinated by that person?” Yes you’re totally right, too much is a turn off but be real doesn’t mean pull out your dating resume and your life history. It just means say what you mean and mean what you say. Show her who you are and how you feel right off the bat. Most guys, trying to keep the mystery hidden will conceal who they are in hopes of gaining her interest. The only problem with that is how much longer are you going to keep up that routine before she finds out you were putting on an act all along? When are you going to see each other for who you are, at the end of the honeymoon stage? That’s a dangerous route to take.
I grew up with several older brothers who taught their sis a few things about men and relationships…be honest and you can’t go wrong…if it doesn’t feel right then it’s not…don’t ever say anything that will make him happy but make you miserable…if he doesn’t say/show he’s interested then he’s not…if you really like him, tell him. These relationship lessons have never failed me. Oh and always kick his ass (j/k).
Have you guys seen “Two can play that game” that is a story of how game playing just doesn’t work.
Ummm well Chelema! More power to you bro. like you said it is a bit more complicated than what meets the eye! Good luck in Addis…I hear it is easier to raise kids on that side of the world.
Definatly easier than Chicago…keep us posted on how things go.
Wondering
Once again abe,
has seen the movie BREAKIN’ ALL THE RULES WITH JAMIE FOXX?
CHECK IT OUT.
These movie should apply to setoch in a matter of connectiing but the main part of the movie is suppose to be about breaking up however the show connecting and not ~~keeping the relationship longer~~
Love + sex=relationship
relationship – sex=divorce/break up
sex + sex=sex only
friend + relationship – sex=marriage
holla back at you, no time to write.
dear habeshochi
endet nachihu nolawit yalechiw tikikil yimeslachihol?”what habesha set want is respect work for her baluwa ebet wuste yalewun sira endiyagzat nechochin eski eyuachew betam teruwochi nachew lemistochachew beliji bekul yagzoachewal enbet wuste yalewunm sra tebabrew new yemiserut yegna wendochi gin ebet wuste sra magez lenesu wurdet new yemimeslachew.
habeshochi endet nachihu nolawit yalechiw tikikil yimeslachihol?”what habesha set want is respect work for her baluwa ebet wuste yalewun sira endiyagzat nechochin eski eyuachew betam teruwochi nachew lemistochachew beliji bekul yagzoachewal enbet wuste yalewunm sra tebabrew new yemiserut yegna wendochi gin ebet wuste sra magez lenesu wurdet new yemimeslachew.
…i know its a little too late to be responding to this article but couldn’t resist.Interesting, is what i have to say to the general article and all the responses that followed…but i personally think we are all a little too caught up in looking at other people, we don’t spend too much time looking at our selves…each individual is unique in its own weird way…there is no one right answer to the questions involving any two people in a relationship. so i don’t think we should waste time in trying to figure out one another, in stead,if we all knew what we really want in life, it would make the search for that special some one a lot more easier…just remember, there is a lot more good in this world than there is bad…if we open our eyes wide enough, i think the view out there is spectacular.
Ps. today is one of those days that i’m really proud to be an Ethiopian…thanks too all of you in here.
I’ve read the article above by celebratelife and would have to concede agreement to at least 90% of it. The other 10% percent is relative and could tend to be nebulus.
Several years ago in college, I was involved with an ethios woman.
Upon an initial meeting, she was the one who communicated interest in me by the way she looked at me. Sensing that this was the green flag to approach, I did.
I would not have bothered otherwise. And if I had ignored her subtleties, I would have been kicking myself to this day…knowing what I eventually experienced with her.
It goes without saying that she was attractive. I found her pleasant, personable, and spontaneous.
The nocturnal visits were supreme. Some early mornings often found us in deep conversation, while laying together. It was the best. The best 5 months.
But it was only for a season.
Tides changed with the advent of graduation and that mad rush to join the working force.
A couple years later, our paths crossed again. The greeting was as warm as ever. But at this juncture, she was engaged to be married. Admittedly, I was a little disappointed, but what we had shared in the past had never been forgotten, as we related stories of the past. It was good to see her.
We communicated about everything. That was key. And though everything isn’t meant to last, the time we did spend together enjoying each others company was invaluable.
Again, upon our initial meeting, I wasn’t out to impress or charm. I was just being myself. You can never go wrong. It’s the most comfortable “you”. A man may reinvent himself via fashion, school of thought, or affiliation but he must always essentially be himself.
Thank you celebratelife for your insightful article.
Here, here to that I click my glass to you.
Ahhhh this is just beautiful and a way to a healthy and happy relationship! Thanks for sharing your story.
Your acknowledgement is much appreciated, celebratelife.
Reading all this stories made me feel like that I am a scum bucket. (well not alone). While in college, there were new abesha couple that had moved few bocks away from our school (I mean walking distance). Long behold the abesha man ended up being the only abesha Asst. prof in school,(no need of mentioning his name as he is still employed by the institute and still married to his wife, if you call it marriage).
oooops got go I will finish my story when I get back, but abesha wives very sneaky. Not all may be but I am 100% sure I know one. To say the least her son look like me if you know what I am sying……………be back
Suspense oh I’m so waiting for the rest of the story, Mota keranio, please finish it soon. A true suspense….so you a baby daddy new negeru and you didn’t know it? :0
i find this read very interesting..cele. and very true!!
That is a good article i support it indeed. i am adating guru and i give free information on dating ethiopian girls ,boys,on mysite http://tsigabqi.googlepages.com/
there are sure fire dating tips and tricks for abeshoch.
I love this. Ethiopian women don’t know what they want, it’s just a fact. I have a post related to this at http://abesha.wordpress.com
So is this a dating bible of some sort? Is the author male or female? I agree with him/her anyway but not many people will digest it quickly. Luv & peace to all
These have helped me in my marriage
Respect
honesty
love
caring
compromise
plan
Hard work
kindness
thoughtfulness
take care of the kids
change diapers
put away the dishes
help around the house
no half heart attention while working on laptops
Must call if you’re going to be late
Hugs & kisses
pay the bills – all if you can
Take time
Think positive
if you are wrong apologize.
Love deeply
bring me flowers
tell me the truth.
don’t you dare be a jerk!
holding hands
etc etc….
Marriage is a journey….
LOL
Double LOL. You dont ask for them do you? I know this habesha who works at a hotel and brings his wife flowers every day. One room will be missing flowers, who cares…
Sometimes it just amazes me how we keep pointing fingers at each other (i.e. including me)…the H/abesha Setoch…and the H/abesha wondoch. Especially when I see a specific character or a particular behavior being unceremoniously slammed at Habesha wendoch/setoch…but most of the time I personally find it to be associated with most “Wende” or most “Sete” of any culture. At the end of the day we all want at best a partner to share this thing so-called life or at least someone to just have a good time with.
I am a woman, and of course I want a strong man and then again who does not? I asked two of my non-Habesha friends to give me a description of their ideal man. Having completely different background topped with a different journey in life, we surprisingly or not so surprisingly, had similar desire when it comes to our men. I guess at the end of the day evolution or creation (which ever is convenient) has given us women the inherent instinct and desire to build a comfortable life for our self, but mainly for our offspring’s. Accordingly we want to have these men that can offer us the things that we can not offer ourselves, mostly protection, even though the meaning of that protection has tremendously evolved through out man kind history. For me that meaning of protection boils down to social hierarchy and class distinction now a day. On the other hand men are known to be attracted to visual stimulation more than anything else. And surprisingly that has been the cases as far as ….It has been so long I can’t even put a time bracket on it. Again I feel like that has to do a lot with their inherent desire to procreate. I feel like I am wondering into deeper water and I will go ahead and stop now.
wayooo, abesha neger no. dating is one thing marriage is another right,in the end we want to impart our values and pass on our culture to our kids, but all this drama really tires me to read and hear this in the community,in dating u will come across everything until one day you finally see someone who gets YOU.
seems like men from every ager complaining about their women and its usually the complaint “women are golddiggers” this cant all be true can it? and the women sayin the guys are no good, are we lookin’ at peoples hearts, are ew expecting people to cater to our every whim, thats not love. i think alot of things have to change in society most of all being HONEST about how we are and what we except from each other, Respect comes first always, and remmember, love is a noun and a verb.
lol
interesting posts above.
“You see when you got your confidence together a woman will be on you like white on rice.”
hmmm…I will have to chew that for a while.
hurt wonde
woooooooooow that really touch me deep
how awful.
But i agree with you some woman use men alot to get what they want and it’s not fair for MEN!!
habesha women are very dangerouse most of the times, i know this because i’m a habesh women tooo!! and i hate it when my friends try to do that to others.
but i like your success at the end!!
but you still wanted a habesh women thats where it got me the most REALLY SAD!!
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR FUTURE
Hehe…
Here’s a weak post. Still though, thanks for saving me the 5 bucks. Now I dont have to get a popular magazine to read this exact post.
I wonder what it is that some people drink or eat or smell that makes them think they’ve got it all figured out and they can speak for everyone else.
one last thing, most conformist!!!!
I still want a Habesha wond…although I’ve only dated one and he totally pissed me off; although all the ones i know can’t carry on a coherent conversation; although I have the fun of my life with the non-habeshas…I still want yagern lij…sad but true.
They say I’m intimidating and quite impossible…endelelochu yabesha setoch aydeleshim…hmmm…i get that all the time. Ena Masterseshin cheresesh ph.D leteketyi new? Woy gud, ere bekash…! Menalebet, wow, berchi belegne? Believe me, i don’t have one of those serious faces and don’t go around bragging about what I do. Ask all the non-habeshas i’ve dated and they’ll tell you i’m a natural flirt and quite fun!
Despite everything, I still want yabesha lij…ayate yenegerugne teret senegrew yemigebaw…gin, yetabate lagegnew? I’m willing to compromise but I still haven’t found one that turns me on, one who hasn’t called me an over achiever. With the way things are going, beka i’m gonna end up with a ferenj or as my ayat would put it a “tikur ferenj”…not because I would love him as much as I would have loved my imaginary habesha wond but because he would probably appreciate me…and it breaks my heart.
Good for you and good for us, Rebecca, that you still want your abesha man….we seek you too, my dear…there are are many of us out there yearing for the love of an ethiopian woman…feeling like you do…don’t give up yet…although i know the urgencies of the choices we must make in our lives sometiems can’t be out off for too long…
…You said “Despite everything, I still want yabesha lij…ayate yenegerugne teret senegrew yemigebaw…” … There is a lot of wisdom in this than just the pleasure of being understood…to me this is also about maintainng our identity, preserving a part of who we are as ethiopians — scattered all over the world fleeing poverty, seeking opposrtunity, to better our lives and those of our loved ones back home..we are still connected to the motherland — enat ethiopia…through everything we carry within ourselves and without. Surely, we can love and be happy with a ‘ferenj’ and still do good for oursleves, and perhaps help out our peole too..may be…but what is the cost of fleeing into the arms of a foreigner?…is our personal convenience and pleasure worth giving up a piece of who we are or risking losing ‘ourselves’ altogether?… think back!…doesn’t it come with the territory that when we went to Bole that first time, and chose to leave our natural home and go to a foreign land that we would need to change to survive, to fit in and yet wasn’t there some trepidition about that change…about the risk of losing ourselves?…To me, it’s impertive that we preserve who we are to be happy and normal in our new found homes…but more importantly, if we are to survive as a people, we have to preserve our identity and our unique culture…it’s what made us who we are…’the beautiful people…the graceful elderly lady … the friendly people…that innocent smile you see on every ethiopian face…the good people…the proud..and the unique…’ When you seek one of your own, you’re seeking to preserve the ehtiopian in you! It goes beyond the satisfaction of our personal needs!
Blah Blah Blah…Blah Blah Blah… Sounds like Hitlers rhetoric of preserving the Aryan race…Sorry for the interruption, please do continue…
What works Le abesha set is kuna bir or kuna wushet
Fanno…we r the foreigners here…:)
Some true , some bad any how we are what we are ,just know what you offer.
Wendemoche LISTEN !!
NEVER LET A BITCH RUN YOUR LIFE ! ! ! !
…..and try something different! Abesha setoch when they come here to the US, they start having this “I’m a queen” mentality. Trust me try non-abesha and find out what you have been missing. who cares what abesha women want.
… not all abesha women. there are some real sweat hearts.
what do we abesha men want? LOVE… no more zibazinke.
NEVER EVER LET A BITCH RUN YOUR LIFE.
“haveballs #104″ get a life wendem!!
lol mikematic, that was ill, like illmatic
k i’m out >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Fanno,
Love is not easy to control and whose arms one falls into comes under that category…
It kind of hurts to see such a moral decline in our ladies. I could go on and on about some abesha girls I know being gold diggers, cheaters and so on. But I know there are good ones for every bad ones. You just have to try and find one. One thing is for sure though: you can’t make a hoe a house wife.
haveballs you are a troll. crawl back under a bridge where you belong, newman you can join haveballs under the bridge.
To u all boys and gals,
It takes two to have sex….stop blaming the opposite sex….if u think there is a problem, both sexes r part of it. If gold diggers are the problem…gold providers r too…etc….
newman
“you can’t make a hoe a house wife”
This is soooooo…BS!
A house wife
-cooks
-cleans
-looks after children
-Provides sexual services
-Don’t get a penny out of all these
Well , I am totally better of as a hoe!
Dinich
Quoting Nolawi “Shurrrruup!”:)
Spacefog,
me too
umm about that drink line, like the comedian said “if i buy you a drink and you drink it, then we go together” lol. and as far as the how to come at women, this is a universal law, in the words of Scarface “In this country, first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women”
I think the “house wife” part is being mis-interpreted in my post.
Let me rephrase: you can’t make a good girl out of a slut
I am not saying there are no man sluts neither.
No modern man wants a house wife… unless he enjoys being nagged every day back from work. Plus two incomes always beat one.
I have found that those who try to justify that kind of a behaviour as “OK” or “temporary” are always that way and never change. Even after they get married or find a man that respects them.
utruytgtgiuyoifuuygfjyc 7tyufc utyfuy yut hn 7t 6uy 8uyvf
what i wonder is, why Habeshas women R looking for others. when they feel they R (Arada)or learn language for beaching with others . Don’t they know others prefer their own people?
#115
“utruytgtgiuyoifuuygfjyc 7tyufc utyfuy yut hn 7t 6uy 8uyvf”
My thoughts exactly, relationship is all about code language.
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