I am not an expert, however, I’ve learned a few things over the years. Sure, it might seem like I am a talker and not an observer but I do listen. A rough guesstimation assures me that about a quarter of my conversations are about dating.
This is a topic everyone seems to be interested in. Even family members are asking questions, Meche nuew YeMe’tagebaw? (?? ?? ???????) Maybe two years after I meet her! How can I ask her to marry me before I meet her? Esti tinesh common sense people! I am not David Blaine.
Male friends that are single complain about the etrete (????) of female companions or about how the ones available are Guregna? The more sophisticated say that the ladies are stuck up. Some that are in relationships complain about how they are being treated or the girls they missed opportunities with. I guess some girls do not shop in the single men aisle!
Female friends complain about the lack of eligible bachelors around. Hmm, they say that straight to my face. I didn’t know that I was ineligible. Anyhow, have you been to the club lately? Haven’t you seen the number of guys standing 3 feet in front of the bar with their Heinekens. Beself eyetebeqush nuew (???? ?????? ??)
In the name of this article, in order to help my brothers and sisters, I started doing research. What’s really going on? And I think I have narrowed the answer to the question mentioned in the title.
First thing first, I have to do my own real life test. At a local Ethiopian restaurant I frequent, I saw a girl that has I’ve had my eye on & pretty sure vice versa. Sorry tinish guregna negn. I thought since I was somewhat sure, my chances were over 50%. Take a shot Nolawi! What’s the worst that could happen?
The only problem was that since I barely knew her, I didn’t know how she liked to be asked? Begu’arow woyes Befit’lefit! I called her over and asked her to tell me how she liked to be asked out? She smiled and told me that she like straight shooters.
So I shot and missed. Thus, REAL LIFE EXPERIEMENT ONE brought one question to and end. Either my radars need to get repaired or that’s not how you ask Ethiopian girls?
To quote myself, I once wrote:
Chigru eko wonde tef’To say’Hone Eshi Yemetil Set Tef’Ta nuew (??? ?? ??? ??? ???? ?? ???? ?? ??? ??)
You see in Ethiopia, there is such a thing called megderder (??????). I doubt if they even have a word in English for it. All this time I thought it applied only to Injera, but it applies in everything. It is rude to say ‘YES’ the first time; in Ethiopia that is.
The Answer
Depending on the size of your ego; you have to ask her again and again till your jaw drops and she says ‘YES’ OR never ever give her a chance to say ‘NO.’ Meaning, do not ever ever ask her out directly.
Avoid a question the can be answered with a ‘NO’ as a negative! There are several ways to approach without bruising your ego. Ask her if she busy Friday night. She will most likely say ‘NO’ as she is prone to do and that she would most likely want to hear what you have in mind before she turns you down as she is prone to do. If she says ‘YES’ she is busy; you still have Saturday and Sunday. If she is busy the whole weekend she might actually be busy, so ask her again next week. I am open to hear some other ideas from the Don Juan Abebes.
Published by July 19th, 2006 in Dating, Noteworthy and Social.Send this post to a friend
So I happen to dislike these S/He Says musings, but Im little beat.
From where Im looking it seems to me:
a) If you don’t have a reason to ask a girl out, then don’t ask. (and by ‘reason’, She’s single. Im single. We mingle! does NOT constitute of a reason) Why, of the sea of men out there, should she go on a date with you? If you dont know, chances are she doesnt either. (Unless youre Taye Diggs)
b) ‘It’s just one date!” is also not an excuse. True, its just one date, but also true that there are also 3 billion of you men in this earth, which is why (a) is really important. Unless the girl’s some bozene or yeketemaw sirafet. Or desperate. If any of those qualities rock yer boat … ah, well, good luck.
Mts.
c) If you expect to meet a girl at a bar, what can i say there doesn’t seem to be a gentle way of putting it you’re, um, delusional. Chances of you starting a relationship in a bar are as high as a pink carnation escaping a stampede unscathed. Maybe its just me, but I can’t take a guy in a dimly lighted room with a bottle of beer at hand a seriously. People at bars say dumb shit. Behave like dumb shit. Well, theyre drinking dumb shit.
Seriously! I don’t take myself seriously in that situation. Anybody who takes me seriously cannot be taken seriously. Yawm meTeT iyelega! Sheesh.
Besides, according to one of those studies, the top three places to meet partners for marriage in America are college, church and the work place.
So forget the socialize at the bar myth. Grab your beer, lay back and enjoy the friends you came in with. If a one night stand follows you on your way out, good for you. If it ends up being a two-week stand, better for you. But trust me; chances are that youll be back and scavenging at the bar by the 3rd week.
Beterefe, barun leqeq. TimTamun Tebeq. Besira menTeq. Debter medefeq!
d) When a girl says no, be cool. For heavens sake, be cool. If youve to study comebacks the way you studied pick-up lines when you were 17, then do it. Practice in front of the mirror. Search the internet. Whatever it takes. Just stay fucking cool. (hmm thatll make you stand out, coz god knows almost all men need help in this department).
e) When a girl refuses to date you, if possible, keep her around as a friend. Women have a lot of women friends. And whats the best way to meet female companions? Through female friends! Plus, such, um, evolved behavior will win you some good recommendations.
f) Sometimes women just don’t want date. Yup. It’s possible. it’s not gurra it’s not megderder. Its not coz they like watching men squirm. Sometimes a girl just gotta say iffffffoy beqa!
Dating is emotionally exhausting. Dating takes time. Dating is hard to get out of, so sometimes not getting into it seems very appealing. So sometimes when a woman says she’s taking a break, believe her. If you convince her otherwise, you will be very sorry by the time you two are done. And it will be your fault. (well, it’s always the men’s fault anyway… but that’s another story
)
g) Pretty much all these points can be reversed and apply to women.
Hmm. Thats all I can think of right now.
Finally, I suggest you take what I say with a grain (or more like spoon) of salt since Ive been a happy follower of point (f) for quite a while.
See ya at the bars.
Dont hate!
btw, nolawi, the ‘you’ in my previous post is referring to men in general. not you, in particular
the american formula doesn’t work on ethiopian women, unless they’re on myspace.
Why do we always assume that the girl is not interested in the guy? Or that its th guys lucky day if the girl agrees to a date. Tobian as you said, Why, of the sea of men out there, should she go on a date with you? But why isnt it the other way? Why, of the sea of women out there, should he ask you on a date? Women, particularly Ethiopian women, need to realize that they are fortunate to be even asked out on a date. And also give credit to the man who works up the nerve to ask them out. Im sympathetic to my many male friends who put themselves out there and are rejected by stuck up bimbos. There are a lot of great guys out there, but women spend their time on the flashy no good players missing the average Joe who can be a great boyfriend.
Im tired of this bullshit notion that the guy has to impress the girl to get her attention. F**k that!!! Let her impress you for a change. And here is a tip guysstop going after girls just because theyre cute. The average ET woman is cute and gets a lot of play thats why shes stuck up. So find something other than her looks to get you interested. Then just drop the bomb Hey, wanna hang out this weekend? Because let me tell you a girl knows within 30 seconds of meeting you whether shes interested or not. So if she is shell say yes, if not then forget her. Why would you want a girl thats not interested in you? The problem is also you live in DC where its saturated by Ethiopians. So the girls are more worried about reputation than anything else. So when you ask her out ask her to something other than dinner and a moviesomething light and interesting. And dont put pressure on the date. Believe it or not girls dont like it when a guy is pressed. Just chill, go with the flow, and be very laid-back.
Dear Tobian,
Which college do you go to?
Which church do you attend?
Where do you work at? Why dwell on point “f”? and you said it has been a while … dinq new.
Nolawi,
I like your argument, but didn’t stick to prove it? Is the question about ‘how to’ rather than ‘what to do and not to do’? I like the ‘open ended question’ since it might entail a lenghty discussion. Befriending the female companion is the best route, I believe. ’cause in reality, they wouldn’t give the dude the time or the day; and to her support, why should she? Tradition is in conflict with the day and time of the country we live in. So juggling both could be cumbersome; and to be honest they would rather bite on their nails than being asked out.
The bar scene in the Ethio crowd is played out, dudes is slobbering over themselves, can’t handle their liquor and overexposing their emotions while the women are flirting with disaster and trying to chop up the incoming attention. Schools, Churches, and the work place are well and cool; but most folks don’t attend church or are done with school, which leaves the ‘work’ situation open. But how often do you run into other Ethios in your professional job?
Best answer, as suggested by many is to mingle friendship first and see if it takes you places. After all, great friendship is a spice that kinders wonderful relationship in the future…cross fingers.
My 2 Cents.
I dont think the friendship route is the best. You dont want to be cught in the freindship zone. Ever watch seinfield.
yene hulet santeem
Tobian, I like what you stated on cthey say dumb s***, behave like dumb s***,(because) they are drinking dumb s*** ahahahahahahthat is classic! I love it!
How about this for a dumb s****? Hey baby! Whats your sign? Ahahahah
On a serious note, guys, dont exert so much energy trying to untangle one of the mysteries of this universe.
One of the biggest problems that modern man (used as in biblical days) has is that, we think we need to understand everything that revolves around us! I think that is a very misguided thought process.
as far as I am concerened, you dont need to take a break from the dating scene, because it is not wrestling you dont need to ask why shouldnt gals go after guys?, because it is not pancake and does not need to be flipped over you dont need to come up with the perfect formula because it is not medicine
Go out and have funreject and be rejected!!! Even animals do itHave you seen goats mate? The he-goat goes to the she-goat and asks her for something, somethingshe hardly goes on her knees right awayshe walks away from him like he does not existshe even pees in front of him to drive him wildshe ignores him so much, he gets driven into insanityhe starts a head-butt match with another he-goat, so she notices that he is stronger than his opponent
My point being, dont waste your time! Enjoy your youthgo pee on him, and let him flip his lips overleave the formula to those boring philosophers and physiologist that think they know everything about life! Time is precious
This thing did not start now, and did not start with Ethio girlsEven the jungle men in New Guinea say doc dac nic nek bug bug ben meaning, what should I do to make my moveahahaha just kidding, I dont speak Junglian
A bottle of Heinken at the bar- $4.99
Nicely pressed denim so you can impress your lady - $29.99
Being told hid wedeza chemlaka! by an ehtio beauty queen Priceless
There are some things that Birr cant buy. But for everything else, there is MasterCard.
Enjoy life my beautiful people!…As the great philosopher Mamo Kilo once said, REEEJECT and BE REEEJECTED!
Mamo Kilo (a/k/a Ye Shimbra Assa, a/k/a Kirare, a/k/a Berchuma, a/k/a well will leave the rest alone)
I know I am setting myself up by using such moniker, but what the hell, bring it onMamo was my HERO!
PS. Bernos, thanks for creating this site. I find it to be entertaining, and informative. Please, please, do not let that political crap seep into your site we are tired of it! If politics were our solution, we would have been the richest nation on earth, because we are becoming politicians EGZIABEHAIR YESTILIGN!
One thing I can’t stand is a person who is guregan and gederder…. Unfortunately that is big thing in Ethiopian community. I have seen lots of my friends shy away from a guy who they really like because he didnt ask them out. I understand some guys are shy and they don’t like to ask a lady out unless they see some kind of signal that the lady likes them. In another word they don’t like to take a chance i guess Ethiopian guys don’t know what taking chance means. Oh well that is why most of the guys miss out on the girl that they like because they assume that if they ask they might get rejected. Although it is not something that Ethiopian girls do, but if i really like a guy and he doesn’t ask me out after a couple of weeks i will ask him out. That is just me i don’t like waiting around and playing game.
Well I know that I am going to make some readers a bit mad but why do you think a lot of Habesha guys are married to non-Habesha women? This world is full of women that are beautiful, witty, funny and intelligent. And guess what? A lot of them are non-Habesha. And these women will give you a chance.
A non-habesha women does not need to know which part of Ethiopia your family comes from, where you work, what kind of car you drive, how far up you got in school, your social number, your credit report to consider you for one date. These women are a lot easier to talk to; they keep an open mind and dont have a negative demeanor. How many times have I seen a group of habesha girls giving the look of death to a guy getting close to their space? From my experience (not that I have a great deal of it) habesha girls have a hard shell you have to break before you can even see what the real person is like. Dont get me wrong I do love Habesha girls very much but white girls are so much easier. And for all of you saying this is all about sex, its not. Its about having to ask a girl out for some dinner and not feeling you are about to go to zemecha. No one is asking for your hand in marriage. Were just looking to enjoy each others companionship.
Nolawi,
It appears that you have touched a nerve with a lot of people with this subject. First of all, I don’t think the question should be, “How to ask an Ethiopian girl out?” I think it should be “How to ask any woman out and keep her long enough to establish a meaningful relationship?”
One thing we all need to realize is that an Ethiopian woman/girl is no different from any other. She wants romance, she wants attention and most of all she wants love and security. Women have a radar for these things. Therefore if you strike her as someone who is not able to meet any of the above needs she will put you aside and move on to the next suitor. The funny thing is though, most of the time women are too smart for their own good. They fall for the guys who have the game down packed but are unable to provide these things. You know what I am talking about, the “Don Juan’s”.
These guys have the unique ability to identify what makes a woman completely attracted to a guy at initial glance and they capitlize on it. They appear confident, well dressed and well spoken and somewhat aloof. That is all a trap. Once the woman enters the designated area, ‘BOOM’, game over. What makes this amusing again is the fact that these guys are able to duplicate this with most women, therefore they don’t settle for one. I am reminded of something Chris Rock said in one of his stand ups, “90% of the women want to f*** 10% of the guys.” So if you are in that priviledged 10% elite of alpha males, then you got it made. If not, you will have to search long and hard for the “right” woman. That may include looking outside of our little Ethiopian circle. I think more of us should give it a try. I don’t see anything wrong with it. It all comes down to survival of the fittest, if you know what I mean.
All in all though, I loved reading the article. It is a subject I have grappled with many times. One thing I have learned is that you have to be compatible with the woman you are dating to have any lasting relationship. The fact that she is Ethiopian is the least of your worries. You have to be able to talk to her, trust her, rely on her, confide in her, romance her, amuse her, protect her in order to keep her. Women are complicated creatures. They can change their minds at the drop of a hat and there is no justification required. That is not the world we, as men, live in. I could say a lot more on the subject, in fact may be I will soon, but for now, I want to thank you for broching the subject. Had fun reading it.
Big Ups
Dawit
here is a little algorithm you can apply:
-keep a circle of female friends with whom there is no sexual ambugity..
-strike hard and fast when they introduce you a girl they say you have a chance with(if you like her).
-Don’t brag about that in front of them-keep a low profile
To keep a circle of female friends, you must ENJOY their company.And That is the hard part for an ethiopian male -they don’t hang around with females.
ha ha dating an ethiopian female is like the corporate world… you need to network a bit to get the best job… i mean girl! … the female friends are like the HR
is that what u are saying zelabaju?
yeah, i guess it deserves the same preparation as looking for a job… your image is accurate.
I dothink so Ethiopian man have good tertment for women and get good chance to ask her permition
I rember one day i meet ethiopin guy with out nuting asked me to date him at first time, how come i told him ant ymman far nhe aleket because you do not know about me at first time to ask me like that
what do you think about this?
get hooked on phonics
Mae,
please refer to point (g). I didn’t make a gender distinction. I was writing in response to nolawi’s post, so the second person happened to be directed to men. Ergo the amendment in (g).
Also, Im not sure were on the same page. I was pointing out that if you walk up to some random person and ask them out, don’t be so surprised if they fail to reciprocate your interest. In fact, be surprised if they respond favorably. Because, male or female, they don’t know you as much as you don’t know them. My take is, don’t ask a person out if you don’t know why you’re interested. (for example ’s/he looks good’, ’s/he happens to be standing in front of me’, ’s/he’s single, i’m single …’ etc, are exceptionally horrible ‘reasons’).
If you knock every door you happen pass by, you’ll have proportionally as many rejections. So either make the process selective, or like Mamo Kilo suggested, accept that you’ll be rejected and move on.
You said, “Because let me tell you a girl knows within 30 seconds of meeting you whether shes interested or not.” Do you truly believe this? So basically you’re saying that you’ll date a girl who judges you purely based on your appearances only? Doesn’t that bother you?
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Qededa,
Hahaha! very funny. Qededach’hu gin nice new. Beteley zinbochu.
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Mamo Kilo,
LOL. Wey nitirik! What can i say? Hid wediya - chemlaqa!
Gin, seriously, I hope it didn’t seem like i was writing rules. I don’t have rules (other than the fact that i’m off the meat market. Its not wrestling, you say? Are you kidding me? Surely, it is wrestling! Hypothetically and figuratively (Indae, what are you doing to the chiquita in the bedroom? Mts. And there I thought Mamo kilo was just a nick name
) They ‘points’ were more random observations on behaviors that tend to make dating harsher than it should be.
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Moki,
Interesting. I know of more habesha women whore married to non-Habesha men.
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Dawit ,
Ditto though and through.
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Zelabaju,
Haha! Exaclty! (not bad for a zelabaj
)
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Finally, I’ve to say I’m impressed everybody wrote s*** and f*** instead of the words themselves in their responses.
Cute.
*literally and figuratively, that is.
This is the problem with making fun of people.
Tobian, what are you so angry? Guregna temesiyalesh!
To all the single abesha guys out there:
First things first. You should place higher priority NOT on how to ask a woman out, but rather on how you carry yourself. If you feel there are opportunities for improvement there, please do work on them first. Then, the rest will be easier.
lol, guregna nesh! nani
pretty much all ofu guys said it all.
i cant believe u guys it is not that hard to get girls want guys wholl make time for them the guys that ask me out are all cocky and have respect for us thats all and 4 all the guys i turned down thats just how it goes lol
From my random observations, i can tell that most guys who are lucky on dating are those who are able to bullshit.i dont know how most people bear to talk nonsense in order to date ethiopian girls.because it is unthinkable to talk ideas and intelectually motivating thoughts with Ethiopian ladies. I mean, it demands a lot of energy and patience to lower your level of thinking in order to meet theirs. this i think is where we men failed.
kirubel: “it demands a lot of energy and patience to lower your level of thinking in order to meet [ethiopian girls']. this i think is where we men failed.”
kirubel honey, you get an A+ for bullshit. I guess (by your own definition) you must be very lucky in the ethiopian dating scene.
Tsi, you sound too serious… which by implication may prove the truthfulness of my hypothesis to some degree. (how could you possibly pick your poetic pen to only give answeres for some bulshit, yeah?) perhaps,as you suggested, i should give it a try.
any ways, you remind me something which i should have included before; surly, there is always an exception. As you definately are.
Hha ha ha I’m cracking up here,.. seriously though I keep one wanting to write more about dating ethiopian girls, gin i shut my mouth because I didnt want you guys to think I’m angry at woman… I am not… but I should be…
Hey I shoulda hadthese Cliff Notes before I gave up on my agere setoch.
On a serious note, I live in an apartment across from another Ethi who is in his early twenties. Every weekend he brings different women with him. He is no Taye Diggs either. The only explanation that my friends and I could come up with is that younger Ethi women don’t mind playing as opposed to Ethi women in their thirties. I guess the ticking of the clock makes them very weary of the dating scene and if they are asked out they want the guy to be a possible suitor.
I don’t care how many times I get rejected..nothing ventured nothing gained. In the meantime I will keep my blowup doll busy and grateful.
I think you guys are generalizing here. all habesha gals are not dumb as all habesha guys are not that smart either, its the trick fate plays on each other paring up the wrong couple all the time. You just got to keep trying with the famous grandmas slogan in mind (dist efyawn ayatam)be positive…
F.Y.I the best relationships I’ve had with Ethio Men are the one’s that started out as friends and many of you men have stated this. When an Ethio man and woman are friends he can relax and be himself without having to memorize a script because Hollywood is not calling. You know what I mean?
When I’ve been approached directly by an Ethio man for a date he is wayyyyy too busy trying to impress of who/what he is. Who cares! The bottom line is how comfortable are you in your own skin?
Please avoid the bar scene because when a woman meets you in that environment the first few things on her mind are: the next martini, what youre like in bed, and if you would make a good husband. This is even if she has no desire to sleep with you or marry you but shes having that martini. You get my drift? If youre her friend first all those thoughts come after the fact. There is nothing more that can make a man deliciously desirable than friendship
All my female friends Ethio and others say the SAME thing! A man who is confident is worth a million dollars. And always be the boss damit run the show dont let it run you! If a woman doesnt need a boss mate than shes independently happy and let her be. Be honest and upfront like a true friend and if she’s not interested it’s her loss. Next!
How betam interestingly smart comment… you make some good excellent points… abeshaset
Nolawi, Thanks for the positive comment I’m just telling it like it is.
Well, honesty is the best policy in the workplace, at home, and with friends so why can’t it work in romantic relationships? Aren’t we dishonest enough already without even speaking a word? Lets ses…the woman will put on the make up, the added hairpiece and the wonder bra (I don’t know why shes wondering if it aint there it aint there). The man will put on pimped out whatever and hopefully no make up or wonder anything. So why can’t the words that come out of our mouths be the balancing act?
Your Abesha sister
Abesha set, well said! most of the Abesha men that I have ever seen in a bar setting have been pretty lousy in holding their liqour and that is not too appealing, although, they seem to feel like they’re up for anything.But in a normal circumstance, in a normal converation between fairly sober Abesha man and woman, it’d be just fine if he skips the cocky pick up lines and be real. Have a real conversation…surely it’s not that hard to say hi and start a conversation. If she is not interested, there are more fish in the sea. Truth be told, it also helps if the women are not trying to stir up drama when rejecting and be a lil gracious and friendly about it. I second the friendship route..it almost always works.and one more thing, keep details of your relationship low key cos I find that most women always feel they’re being played when they hear about their relationship details from others.
Truly, it’s not that hard. All rules work for both men n’ women, just imagine how differently you would treat two girls where you chased after one and the other was chasing after you. Most often you ain’t as into the one chasing you, right?….ain’t that different for women either. Relationship is a 50-50 thing, she ain’t gonna be into you just cos you’re into her so if she ain’t into you , she just isn’t and better to find that out early than late.
lol some guys r really pathetic u guys r treating this like a flippin sport
You know dating is a funny thing. We play games to get one another, then we meet, fall in love (if lucky) then at some point break-up (if unlucky) and pretend like you never knew each other. Talk about a full circle.
Temelkach, I support keeping your relationships low key because some girls live for the drama of advertising who asked her out and your man’s name may pop up, on purpose. Right on with 50-50 thing, it is the name of the game, don’t sell yourself short.
I know guys have a lot on their shoulder of trying to impress us without having to deal with the drama momma syndrome. There is nothing like honesty and just in your face approach, leave the game playing for the bedroom. Forget about impressing him just be true to yourself he’ll love you for that.
You know there was an episode on “Sex in the city” where this guy was saying - guys are very direct and they go after what they really want, if he said he’ll call you tomorrow and he doesn’t “he’s just not that into you.” I loved it cause some of my single friends play that game of s/he said this but s/he didn’t do that and I just love saying “he’s just not that into you” or “she’s just not that into you” i’ts just fabulous and so true.
celebrate this is not going to work with abesha girls
Nolawi & zelabaju the flip side of your wonderfull ideas is that id the woman turns out to be disappointing after all that preparation,networking,interview and ….:)
Kirubel,
It is true that a guy who runs a good game gets the benefits. The thing about this benefit is a short term benefit and his game will run out eventually and he will have to look for a new field to run his game on ha-ha
Why are all my habesha brothas acting like a bunch of babies? If you’re feelin’ a particular girl, grow some balls and talk to her. What is the worst thing that can happen? If she says no, just keep it moving. Habesha women are a dime a dozen. We have some of the most beautiful women in the world.
Biig freakinnn deal
You ask her for her # you call her you see her maybe take her to a movie if she is really fine
and you bone her.
You niccas must be some off the boat habeshas to discuss this as a issue.
Wedi Bole, I take it you’re a rookie? Don’t get much game? Please try not to make it so obvious. Since you’re noticing the boat….everyone is cruising while you’re still trying to find the dock. Why aren’t you out boning someone instead of giving instruction on the how to, playa? Only whales bone, humans bump and grind…Play on playa.
very funny celebrate, indeed whales hump
daniel & wedibole,
Chill my ignorant brotha’s, this is what we call a discussion forum not a how to forum. The pourpose of these formus is to express ones idea freely and POLITELY :), and hopefully learn form one another. It is obvious that none ya are plays but wanna be playes :).
When I was young I used to ask every girl I see the more the better like lotto if you don’t play you don’t win, so I play once in a while now but I don’t know how long i can take it before the girl say I give up, I mean it doesn’t take that long now a days to get approved for a credit card but Ethiopian chicks they like the government you have to go through all sectors. To the young and stupid who talk about hitting it and leaving it, keep doing that and you will get a girl who give you a kid and you be a baby dady, which I’m really proud of my Ethiopian brothers and my friends which came to these coutry as a young/boy/kid whatever, wrap it up, think about your future/~~~~aids~~~ and most importantly being true to yourself at the end of the the day you are you.
I don’t want to forget the ladies too.
THE WAY I THINK THE FEMALE WANT US TO DO WHAT THE AMERICAN WOMEN ARE GETTING SO IF WE DON’T WE OUT THE DOOR, HUH THE SLAVE MENTALITY DON’T RUN IN ETHIOPIA.
EX. ONE DAY I TALK TO THESE GIRLS AND TRY TO GET THEIR NUMBERS HOWEVER I DIDN’T GET IT ONE OF THE GIRL IS ETHIOPIAN I SEEN HER WITH OTHER ETHIOPIAN GIRL BUT SINCE SHES WITH A BLACK GIRL INSTEAD SAYING SOME NICE THING(NICE WAY OF REJECTING) THE ETHIOPIAN GIRL LOOK AT ME FROM HEAD TO TOE AND SAID PLEASE.~~~~~~~~~~~`THESE ETHIOPIAN GIRL IS SHARING A SLAVE MENTALITY I DON’T KNOW SHE IS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME OR WITH HER BLACK FRIEND.
SO, THE MORAL OF THESE STORY IS, WOMEN DON’T RUN THE F** IN WORLD WE DO. THE MUSLIMS DON’T RESPECT WOMEN, BUT THE CASE ABOUT AMERICA IS THE LAW PROTECT THE WOMEN SO MUCH THAT THE MEN IS ALWAYS WRONG, PLUS THE FOOD GIVE YOU SO MUCH EVERGY YOU CAN F*** FIVE TIMES A DAY, THE BLACK PEOPLE WHO CARRY THOSE SLAVE MENTALITY WHICH WHITE PEOPLE PUT IN THEM IS PLAYING THE BEST OUT OF THE READ THE BOOK ABOUT CONTROLLING THE SLAVE FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS USING THE FEMALE TO BREED THEM AND SEX TO WEEKIN THEM SO SIMPLE, SO MY PEOPLE BE OUT THESE COUNTRY BEFORE THESE WHITE PEOPLE MAKE US SLAVE IN THE NEAR FUTURE UNLESS GOD TAKE US ALL AWAY IN THE NINTH.
SORRY ABOUT FOLLOWING THE ENGLISH LAW OF WRITING. FCUK
CHAW ABRAHAM THE CHOOSEN ONE TO HIS PEOPLE.
I LUV mah habesh sisters wiz passion…but they toooooooo much drama…to get with them, drama tooo break up, drama….I broke up with this sis 2 years ago and she still stalkn and honestly she aint the first one …man i’m done wiz drama …no more drama in mah life…like the song … so to all mah habesh sis out there…try to chill and cherish it when it comes to u and let it go if it’s over …PLEASE.
Interesting topic. Ethio ladies always like “megderder”
or playing hard to get, but once you win their heart they are as sweet as a GOJAM MAR. A friend told me once, the first time he asked out his current wife, she spitted at his face. I guess, her way of saying he was below her class. Hey, he did what is called “YANDE SAW DEJI TINAT KEBEZA LEFATU, BERU TEKEFTOLET AYKEREM MEGBATU” Sometimes, “hard to get” ladies are preferred, because they know how to “MEKOTEB” KEHULUM NEGER. Anyways, nothing comes easy in life. And getting to know Ethio lady is one of them. Keep the hope alive!
Fikus, well said. Inside those hard façade ET’s women may portrait, lays some of the most genuine souls on earth. Ethiopian women are not only beautiful they are fantastic. I should know, I married one.
After 10 uears and 3 kids later. I can only say that she is even more amazing now than ever.
Hip… Hip…Hurray… to… ET Women.
lol I’m loving this……..
To Abe, from a pizzd off Abesha set:
– To that I say to you: F** that!!
–To that I say…are u seriously calling blacks slaves? in your mind some mannerisms that are more common amongst african americans qualifiy as a “slave mentality”?? Again my question….WTF??
Please take sometime to rethink what you said…other than that — fikus&esat stay positive!
Ethiopian ladies ha?
I think our ladies are lovely. I think in most cases they go after what appears to be good for them. That is where the confusion starts(we often don’t care what they want, we are always focused on what we want(humans are selfish by nature)). If you can understand what a woman wants, my friend you can be the master of dating.
We Ethiopian guys mostly expect a postive or direct response right away. However that doesn’t work all the time with our ladies. They were raised to be clam and take things slowly…that is of course in most cases… When you ask her out, if you sounded like a playa, or some arrogant guy who doesn’t like to take shower, my friend you out of luck. So how do you ask her out?
First and for most, Get yourself together…You gor have some money and a place to live preferably a nice appt, a nice car if you can afford(if you take the bus just like me, it is going to very hard)…Dress nicely…(most habesha girls don’t just understand the guy who pulls his pants down)….
What I just mentioned above are some of the basic fundamental requirments if you want to find a woman that respects you and treats you the way u wanted to be treated…now having those things gives you some confidence…with that you should be able to approache any woman and ask her for a date nicely. Women often enjoy a decent, professional type of guy. We all know there some exceptions. There are some girls who like to sleep around so they tend to get more attracted to a crazy mother fucker type dude who doesn’t have a place to live…again that is what they want….so we can’t really judge them…
You have to remember though the most important thing in the proces which is: Regardless of what you read or hear..remember to be yourself at all time….my friend that is a power to you at the end of the day. In my opinion most people don’t get the type of dates they want because they were never themselves…some actually get the date but they lose the girl before they know it. So to summerize…:
Be yourself, make money(women love security),dress nicely, if you can go to school(if you are a drop out like me, just tell the truth..:) and be CONFIDENT!
BgFelasfit…you say it sista!
Abe, you need to take this thing called walking softly on some sticky subjects 101…slave mentality ain’t the right term for being dissed…Wechegud…Teyizo Yalaye, Gilegel AYawekem alu…what the heck do you know about Slavery that you’d compare a social issue to it…you need some reality check here…Plus I would like to inform you that Muslim MEN DO respect women as they are their mothers, sisters,wives and daughters…don’t feel the need to try to say ” smart” things when you sound too ignorant..and coming from a non-colonized nation is not an excuse for your ignorance…if you don’t know, read about it! don’t go poking in the dark and don’t make your hurt ego an excuse to sound so pitiful!
For conversations sake, here is the funniest pick up line ever…” you’re beautiful, I’m good-looking, it could work….now try imagining that being said by someone with a great buzz…..citation to ma boy in Tdot
Very entertaining post…a lot of good points.
From my understanding, we’re talking about how a good guy can ask out a good girl or vice versa and not writing a playbook for how to get laid…I will stick to the subject at hand.
That being said, seems that the formula, err tradition, the ethio girls follow is almost certainly going to lead to failure and pain. She will not say yes to a guy unless he persists, persists, persists. Almost to the point of, umm, a stalker. That’s right, if he’s following ur ass around everywhere, blowing ur phone up, coincidentally meeting u at different places, asking u out for 6 months straight…he’s a stalker. Sorry ladies, that’s not love. The ethio girl will undoubtedly miss out on many good guys because all the good guys I know (myself included) would not persist to that level for a mere chance of going out on a date which just might evolve into a relationship. The rewards outweigh the work that has to be put in. Sure, if there was a guarantee that she was the one, I’m sure we would all persist as long as necessary but unfortunately, there are no such guarantees in life. So now we can focus on the typical man who this ethio girl will end up with:
a. The man looking to conquer a new piece of ass. He will persist to the levels of outer galaxies just for the chance of hitting it. For him, the ends always justify the means. If it means he has to be friends for 3 years, no skin off his back. He is accustomed to playing the game so he will be better versed in it than most. If a guy knows all the right things to say, go figure that he’s probably had a lot of practice at it.
b. The man with no self-respect. He is willing to castrate himself to display his “love” and try to win a girl over. He will give rides, do countless favors, anything to get in her good graces for however long. He stalks to the point that the ethio girl eventually just gives in.
There are always exceptions and all my opinions are based on my experiences, my friends’ experiences or female friends who tell me how their heart was won over.
Just be easy.
how do i ask ethiopian girls for sex
from all thise essays katcha’s question wiegned in for me to reply .. so i say for my homie jus ask in tradtional ethiopian way which is “ye balege neger inarg ” trust me it worked several times for me .
On time, I fall in…with a single abesha girl. I sticked around for a month.I gave her ride every day. She almost made me her driver.
For 4 weeks: No tuching. No kissing.No interaction at all. I finally told her that I am in love with her. Guess what she said…”I am not inlove with u—ine gin alafedrkuhim” this hurts so much. as soon she said that something evaporates from my heart. I just hated her. Gays don’t let this happen to you. If you see a sihgn of megderder,don’t west your time go to the others where you can get fun and love.
[quote comment="21712"]“I am not inlove with u—ine gin alafedrkuhim” this hurts so much. as soon she said that something evaporates from my heart. I just hated her. Gays don’t let this happen to you. If you see a sihgn of megderder,don’t west your time go to the others where you can get fun and love.[/quote]
Buna, thank you for sharing that. Many of us have been there. The only thing is that all woman are not like that. There are a few woman that do not want to take advantage of men that they are not interested in. and a few more that will tell you how they honestly feel.
Anyways you got off easy. This lady was just not worth your time.
why do we bother about our ET ladies so much if they dont like to go out with?…better to go to any girl who is so open and yematgdereder whoever she is abesha or not-abesha.
Bal ka genehu betam ifelegalehu
dear ethioian girls, I hope to have good relationshiep
ene arabnenh ye etiopia dem amsa ke mato alebinh,
ewadachwalew zamed malet ke etiopia yelenhim enna zemad
felagi nenh.betam amasaginalew.
o.k …sorry just i want to say Hi friends, i do not came by chance to read all that written in this pages, i do my work through the net because last night , an eithio girl broke my hart,i met her in a coffe shop we talked , we hang together for 4 months , i know all her girls circle , and i thing i am so acceptable to them , because i have have been gentel and stright from the begining, .,. yes for friendsip, yes for love .no way for bed without love ,any how after all these hanging and discos and..and to the end…. i asked her seriously marriege , and she reply …..sorry i am not thinking like that!!! …so what are you thinking , and i put presure on on lady from her circle and to my ….surprise she have 5 others boy friends from 4 differnt nationalaties, and they bay her for bed
o.k the only good think i get out from that i learn part of the language and good learning about ethiopia as a countray , land and people and so many ..that all for the long hours i stay in the net to know my love land.
finallya friend tell me ( ok it is better for you than getting aids) take care all …chio
;jmnol;bnklnl/m
Banbona, I’m trying to sift through what you said, it sounds like you got your heart broken when you proposed marriage after FOUR MONTHS of dating, but then you felt good because you learned the language and didn’t catch AIDS. Please correct me if I’m wrong.
After reading all these posts, I’ve come to one conclusion and that’s that there is no conclusion to be reached. It’s funny, as an Ethipoian-American man I used to get mad and frustrated at dating and the anomaly of Ethiopian women. I must say that I love them and I hope and pray that I end up with one but I could never seem to unravel the mystery and intracacies of them. Now, as I’m reaching my late twenties the only thing I’ve come to understand is that there is nothing to unravel and no mystery to figure out. Also, it’s not just Ethiopian, Eritrean, African, or Aborigine, it’s just women in general.
Over the past few years my relationship have become more and more stable mainly because I don’t sweat the issue. I’ll talk to a girl and sometimes she’ll give me the time of day sometimes she doesn’t. From there she might give me her number she might not, from there she might answer her phone she might not….I guess the point of it is you just roll with the punches. Even if it reaches the point where you’re in a relationship, I have learned not to make some big declaration of having found my”true love” or “my life partner.” This is not to say that I act like a jerk or disrespect her in any way, I’m willing to do whatever she might want but not with any expectations. Sometimes I’ll call her sometimes I will not, sometimes I’ll give attention other times I won’t. The funny thing is sometimes this works and well you guessed sometimes it doesn’t but the whole point is I’ve experienced her and I’ve grown wiser because of it, and either she’s decided to move on or I have.
This, to me, has been the most rational and meaningful approach to relationships. You can’t have high and unrealistic expectations but you don’t want to be a cynic either.
Just roll with it because in the end what will be…..will be!!!
Betam Betam betam arifly put! ET Chller
hello it is me again , banbona, i lke what you wrote ET CHILLER i read it so many times,girls are girls they need attention and love, like men do, but they do not show that and i can say men are more in need because they want to see their mother , sister , friend and love in the same girl, ok if i get two from these four it is o.k, but still iam asking why ethio girls behaver is like this,you can open a shell but i realy thing it is diffcult to open an ethio girl heart, and if she accept you , and she start to come near still your inside telling you is that true!!!? they have charm (ethio g. )
they are senser , and some times i belive i may understand their signal in the wrong way , i never and will never go for one day, one time business because when you give yourself for some one , you give as all ,your mind your feelings your love your money , every thing ,every thing and the ather part have to do the same , am i wrong????
THIS FOR NOLAWI WHAT IS betam ..? still i am learning and need help
betam means very!
Tayity - do you really wanna get f…coz i got this felling when you say “Bal ka genehu betam ifelegalehu.”
ena demo “bidugn” new yalishiw?….how can we do that unless at least u out ur photo here.
C Y
I’ve been strictley dating American girls for the past 12 years. Unlike many of my habesha friends, I came here in my early teens and it came easier for me to get into the culture. But there comes a time in every habeshas life when you’re done experimenting and you’re ready to find that perfect habesha girl you can take home to mommy.. So, for the last 2 yrs, I’ve tightened up on my abesha game and I thought I’ve learned everything I needed to know but, it’s just been so hard.
When you’ve been dating Americans, it’s not easy to go back to habesha girls. So, many things you have to adopt to. One thing I’ve been strugling with is- most habesha girls dont like to excercise.. what’s up with that?
they only like to keep that face pretty and their hair curled up.
When we hit the beaches in Jamaica, you’ve got to look good in your two piece.. and feel comfortable too.
but, that’s just looks.
I dont want to sound to shallow but, I’m giving up soon. I’m about to go back to white girls! lol
I want beatiful ethiopan girl.
It is good thing to do.
habsha girls they are beauty & fine than all over the world. i am proud of them
habesha god bless u
reduka:- what about the fine ass sistas… u missing out broda.
[quote comment="34545"]I’ve been strictley dating American girls for the past 12 years. Unlike many of my habesha friends, I came here in my early teens and it came easier for me to get into the culture.
The exchange of comments are all great! I really feel both sides of the coin on this issue. As far as Reduka’s comments - I kinda agree that it is easier to date whites or other non-habeshas in some ways. Non-habeshas are SO free, open-minded, and they don’t play a gazillion games like habeshas. The biggest problem the habesha community faces is that there is so much ego and judgement especially put on women. I see so much “taboo” expressed in the community. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it. For a while I said “I’m not dating another habesha again”…but now I don’t want to make this a race or culture thing anymore. I had “color-coded” the guys that I dated in the past. I’m done with that phase, I wanna date whoever the hell pleases me! If I like you, I like you…and true love is blind. You have no control of who you’ll end up with. Yes, ideally in the perfect world I would like to end up with my Ethiopian prince - but if that doesn’t happen I can be happy with anyone else! God is the only one who holds that answer for all of us.
And yes - it is hard to meet people after college or work. In my college, there were only like 3 habeshas there. And if you want to meet habeshas, it’s almost impossible even in the DC area. There should be a DC professional ethiopian networking society created (if not already done)! Anyone know of one??
Just a thought…
wow hiwi.. I think its time for something like that as well!
I think it’s way over due, especially for the DC area -considering how many habeshas there are here. It could be a great resource for business networking and/or just for making new friends, etc… I’m sure young ET professionals would appreciate this. I’m down for starting such a thing. Anybody else have any thoughts, questions…? Anybody else in?
Well, I have heard of a few people that are thinking of starting something like that as well… I am down for it…
can we discuss over email… mine is nolawi.petros @ gmail.com
email me
Thanks
sure…
You know there was something that had started up sometime last year. I attended a couple of them but was quickly disappointed since it was more or less the same people that went to the clubs. Even then, everyone seemed to stick to the groups/clicks that they already knew or were a part of. People were not so eager to meet new people, either for professional or personal relationships. After several attendances and trying to get to know the new people I pretty much gave up and haven’t been there since late last year. If you’re interested though, they usually meet up at either Jin or Duke City in D.C. If there are any others anyone might know of please let me know, thanks.
ET Chiller - I feel you about the “clicks”. Those clicks or clicks in general can be annoying! Thanks for the info…
ET CHiller send me your email as well man,… maybe you can help us organize an event here in DC
how about ethio speed dating?
Salsawit what an interesting name. I know of three sisters their name is 1st, 2nd, 3rd in Geez
Hey,
I live in london. and my boyfirend moved to states a few
months ago. and he kinda of changed in so many ways…
we had plans to live together in the future…but that future is fading away on my side. I know it will probably take me another two years to get abesha guy. I can get white or black guy easily.
I just don’t get it! why is it so difficlut to get abesha men?
I welcome any comment.
Peace
Rebecca, well first thing first… we are expats.. meaning there are a few of us, both men and woman… secondly they are around its just that woman have a tendency to be harsher on abesha males..
engdeh that is my thoughts … what do you guys think?
My dear I think we Ethio women have come a long way from the days of “megderder” and bringing our entourage of friends and ‘cuzs’ when asked on a date minamin… I mean come on now, this one time I was in a party in D.C. (if I recall correctly the name of the club was Diversity) where a gal was humping herself via the mirror against the club wall so don’t tell me we haven’t wedefit meramed from the shyness of our culture LOL.
Now seriously, I think many can agree that our women are bolder than they used to be and perhaps at times bordering to what would make our Oldies say “AbeSkuGeberKu yeman Ayn Awta Nat”… granted there are some who like to pull on our ethio bros nut for a sport by playing hard to get minamin…but I think their number has lessened drastically, me thinks.
Nolawi, I think it is rather the later, i.e. that you need to get your radar repaired:) I mean why, not only assume but also conclude that your “real life experience” has thought you to never be upfront with ethio girls because of this incident? Could it not be that she wasn’t interested? Or perhaps she is already involved? Or did your Kilimanjaro sized ego:) blurred your vision enough for you to assume that she was into you as you were into her? You might have simply read her wrong…you took a chance, didn’t bring no fruit… so you move on to the next prey. That is it. I don’t know if your bruised ego allowed you enough to ask her why she said no or not but perhaps you might have learned that she has a valid reason for her “rejection” as you put it.
I always find it amusing that our brothers don’t take refusal very easily… they rather think she is either stuck up bitch or megderdering than to at least for a moment entertain the idea perhaps the gal is not in to him. I’ve been told “why you fron’tin girl” front tirsun yawlekewina! Just cuz I ain’t down with his style and them pantz that is mopin the floor…not to mention his tendency to want to mount my arse on the dance floor, mind you UNINVITED (hey fool step away from them arse ya hear!) so don’t be telling me I am a bitch or am frontin or I am stuck up! Shiat get your game together boo. Gud eko newe bakachu:) BTW that is the English version of megderder = Frontin:)
Anyhow here are few pointers for my fellow habesha brothers, when you approach your sister don’t approach her with them lame ass over used & abused lines of “don’t I know you from somewhere”, “haven’t we met before” and all them worse pick up lines like “your eyes are so blue and so clear I can see your heart beat through them” ( well I made that up, so!)… Just approach her as she was the object of your interest and give her the benefit of the doubt that she can handle it as opposed to patronizing her intelligence with such silly games of cat and mouse. Put not your “playa” face but that of a gentleman. Be as SINCERE (not to be mistaken for lame ass pick up line) in your conversation and take it like a man when your quest is declined.
so true, so true, so true my god this is so true.
i’m loving your comments.
oh my god i’m gonna die laughing on this one. I read your comment twice out of fear i missed a joke or two. You’re funny.
if this article wasn’t a year old I would respond… yekeydama…. what you said was interestingly funny in a somewhat valid way… but its just the obvious eko…
I agree, Yekey dama is really funny and makes a lot of sense. Nol yemimelsew aTa.
Yeqey dama, I think you need to join the press. There are a lot of spoiled boys who need to learn these things.
Yekeydama……oof des yemtiyi! I’d normally say to other bloggers, ‘come join the press- you are made for it’ (as in u perfectly fit..)but in your case, the press is made for you !! ney ney….we need you there! sign up to join the press.
[quote comment="51207"]if this article wasn’t a year old I would respond… yekeydama…. what you said was interestingly funny in a somewhat valid way… but its just the obvious eko…[/quote]
Noli, as long as my response got a smile (however crooked:P) out of you then it has served its purpose thus I sleep better at night. Degmo yemin Obvious Shmovious newe, I am putting my Dollar worth so tega bel! Besides if it was that obvious meche artiKlu kegemeru yasfeleg neber, wegena:)
Seriously though I wasn’t aware the age of the article. I found it on top, it attracted moi hence…
SanQ to those who were somewhat entertained by my response. Dinich & Wudnesh, yehe Press yemitelut seweye yemikefel tehone emetalehu, aleziya teyeh neknek alelem:)
C’mon, yeqey dama. I know you want to join the press. don’t be frontin’ now.
ahahahah Dinich I can just hear YekeyDama thinking/saying “front tirsehen yawlekewina!” ahhahahah
yekeydama f***!!!
how lovely even thinkin about womens
Man sorry to break it to all the habesha brothers but the secret about your women is out.
Please don’t hate on this Black man when I’m trying to pull your dimes. Not all of us are the bad guys the world portrays us as all the time. Thank you
LA! You Cornell West? or his son?
I dont hate on brothers, and neither does the world btw. The world can’t get enough of the brotha love. The hate is more close to home than you think.
“The hate is more close to home than you think”
I can agree with line. Many black americans are filled with self-hatred. Slavery’s affects are still be seen within my people to this day.
I’m sure you personally don’t hate on black men. I’ve just heard too many stories of BM trying to date habesha women only to have to bypass an entire community which looks down upon the union.
What is the reason behind this?
Sometimes I believe its due to the negative image that a black man is, which is displayed through music videos, films(black guys many times play the villian, pimp, or drug pusher) and other outlets. Or is it that ethiopians having a strong sense of pride about their culture and the best for their women.
anyway great blog. I hope you guys don’t mind this brother as I educate myself on your culture.