I am sitting by the banks of the James River in Richmond, VA next to a friend who is sunbathing in her bikini on a beautiful sunny Friday afternoon. The sun is playing hide and seek with us drifting in and out of scattered clouds on the otherwise striking blue sky. As I listen to the soothing sounds of the river flowing continuously and stare into the clear water which forms white foams every time it hits the huge domes of rocks and finds a way around to get past them or above them, I think about my life and the many turns and twists it has taken and it will take.

I think about my travels, my hopes, dreams, aspirations, disappointments and heartbreaks.  I think about the tumultuous year I have had with my sunbathing friend. The friend I am referring to is a woman I have dated on and off for the past year.  We come from two completely different backgrounds and parts of the world and the way our personalities clash reminds me of a volcanic eruption.

I have come to the conclusion that relationships are basically a myth. May be I am too lazy to work on them or too hedonistic to bear the pains of boredom and miscommunication brought about in the absence of the initial surge of electricity you feel when you see, meet and fall in love with a beautiful woman. From where I am sitting my friend’s beauty has faded, her exciting appeal is gone. All that remains and is visible is the constant arguments and fights we have endured for the last leg of our relationship.

I definitely know we have come to the end of the road. We have broken up and made up so many times, my friends have stopped listening to what I have to say in regards to this woman. I have made a liar out of myself. I have had my character and judgment put into question. I am treated like a recovering addict. Always relapsing and falling off the wagon. Trying to get that one last high before packing the bags and heading back to the treatment center; to get cleaned up one more time.

I have the determination of a samurai and the courage of a lion, I say to myself. I am done with this. I need to move on. I glance over to where my friend is laying on a towel drenched in the sun and sleeping peacefully. I get up to take a walk and she wakes up. I need to take a walk, I say. Wait, I am coming with you. I try to convince her that this walk I need to take by myself, but she insists our time is precious and she wants to walk with me.  I want to yell and say, can’t you see that I need to be by myself for a second woman? But instead, I cave in and we hold hands and start walking the path by the James that is covered with tree shades from both sides.

Later that evening, it’s her turn to leave and hang out with her friends. I am relieved that she is leaving. I will finally have the solitude I so much desired, I think. We agree to meet later on at night so we can go out. Midnight rolls around and she is no show. I call her up furious because she ruined my night. She doesn’t care. She says I am making a big deal out of it and I get angry whenever she goes out and has fun with her friends. I tell her it is her not keeping her word that makes me angry, not her hanging out with her friends, but she insists it is jealousy. Another evening filled with miscommunication. We argue fiercely when we see each other later on.

The next day, I feel like a veteran warrior. I am completely drained from the battle the night before. This time it is over for sure, I say to myself. What more do you need? A kick in the balls? You have to move on and you have to let her be. I compose a letter and read it to her explaining why we need to end it. She agrees and we start returning items to each other that we had left at one another’s places. 

I know it is for sure this time because I don’t feel that pang in my heart. I feel perfectly fine. Tears don’t well up in my eyes. I can actually see clearly and feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like a caged lion that has just been set free after spending an eternity in captivity. I am sure she feels the same. I hope she feels like the beautiful birds I saw a couple of days ago at the James flying around without a care in the world.  I can see the flowers, smell mother earth and frolic in the sun.

I get into a philosophical debate with myself. Society needs to rewrite the rules of a relationship between a man and a woman, I say. And then I question myself, is it the rules of the relationship that is to blame or the feelings of love? If you didn’t feel would you want to make her a possession and go mad with rage every time the rules are broken?

My brain hasn’t recovered to ponder such deep thoughts. I give up. I am just happy to be free and alive. I am sitting in outside at a café  in Adams Morgan now exchanging glances with a beautiful Ethiopian woman who keeps staring at me every time she thinks I am not looking.  I look up. I catch her eye and we both smile.

Let the games begin!!!!!!